4 months into readjusting to the States and my cultural shock is ebbing. I am thankfully out of “toddler brain,” when I said anything that came to my mind. My imposter syndrome is also slowly fading; I no longer feel that I am “playing” at being American.
The exhaustion still comes and goes in irregular waves. I am still surprised at how many Americans move through the world distracted: looking at a screen, listening/ talking as they walk. I am slowly learning not to call people “dear”; in Oman, women at work often call each other a nickname, term of endearments or a matronymic [“mother of,” such as Um Ahmed]. First names are not commonly used in Oman, whereas in American workspaces, using first names is expected and endearments are NOT appropriate.
Three issues have surprised me. The first is what “I am sorry” means. I spent years in Oman explaining that “I am sorry” in America means “I am not happy to hear that,” not “I am responsible.” However, I am now seeing that this is a Midwestern usage.
I drop “I am sorry” several times a day in the office and I am constantly told “you don’t need to say that!” But after 5 years in Wisconsin and 5 years in North Dakota, I am hard-wired to apologize for any of my actions that caused a problem for others. Not to mention apologizing when I hear any kind of bad news and, on occasion, apologizing to pieces of furniture that I bump into. That midwestern outlook is impossible to shake.
A second, more serious, issue is rethinking communication styles. I have written several essays about how Omanis convey information in indirect ways. For example, when a female Omani friend wrote “Hi” to me on a WhatsApp message, I knew that meant there is a big problem to discuss and when I reply, I need to make sure I have at least 10 minutes free to chat about what is going on. (If she was just checking in/ sending a greeting, she would write more than one word. One word = emergency.) As I learned this style of communicating, I contrasted it to a more direct American style.
But now that I am back in the States, I am often confused about what Americans are trying to convey to me. When I hear, “it’s Ok,” I don’t know if that means, “it’s Ok” or “it’s not Ok but I have to pretend it’s Ok so, without my being clear, you should pick up that I am not Ok.”
The most important issue that I am still struggling with is how to gather information. In Oman, you get data from people by walking into someone’s office or (gasp!) calling them.
I am learning that in the States, you don’t call. You chat if you run into someone in the office, but you often communicate with colleagues through electronic means, such as Slack. But even more importantly, you should try to figure out the problem yourself using electronic means: Google, YouTube, etc.
My colleagues have been very patient as I work through this transition. I never think to use my phone when I don’t understand something. I stand up and go find a person to ask. More than once, I have walked up to a group of several people, asked a question and everyone picked up their phone to find the answer. I was startled and embarrassed, although no one has said anything to me, the implication is: figure it out with a search engine.
It’s an on-going adjustment to realize that data is out there in the ether for me to find instead of residing in a person who I need to ask.
Culture Shock: The Land of Detachment and Toolboxes
Researching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula: Creating Effective Interactions
Culture Shock: (Not) Being Under Observation
Come From Away 
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