Getting Ready for Ramadan

I love the Dhfoari tradition of “killing the snake” (hunger) by inviting close friends to a pre-Ramadan gathering with a beautiful and delicious array of food.

Common Food Terms in Dhofar, Oman (updated)

Food Essays – Grocery Stores, Recipes, Expat Food and Littering

Practicalities of Moving to the Arabian Peninsula: Cultural Understandings of Water and Food

You Have Nothing to Fear from Sheep’s Eyes but Beware the Carrot Sweet: Researching Foodways in Southern Oman

 

I am happy to announce that my new book is now available for pre-order: Ethnographic Reflections on Marriage in Dhofar, Oman

Ethnographic Reflections on Marriage in Dhofar, Oman

(book cover photo and post photo by Onazia Shaikh)

https://anthempress.com/books/ethnographic-reflections-on-marriage-in-dhofar-oman-hb

Examines how middle-class Muslim men and women in Dhofar, Oman, make and negotiate marital choices, tracing every stage of marriage through their own personal accounts.

Studying Marriage in Dhofar, Oman explains the choices middle-class, Muslim, tribal Dhofari men and women make when creating a life together. Based on 19 years observations of and discussions about Omani marriages, the book shows all the steps of marriage, including how people decide to get married, the wedding invitations and parties are arranged, the newlyweds’ home is organised, the work within a marriage is delineated, and a marriage succeeds or falls apart. Unlike many texts about family life on the Arabian Peninsula, the author spoke extensively to both men and women, so that the book is rich with examples of Omanis explaining their personal decisions.

There are no comparable texts which look at the complete scope of a marriage from deciding to marry, to asking to marry, arranging the wedding parties, creating a successful marriage, and coping with stresses such as children, divorce, polygamy and widowhood.

The book starts with a discussion of how a man might find a bride and how a young woman might create or avoid situations in which she would be asked to marry. There is a discussion of how people might fight to (or not to) marry and all the steps taken after the engagement, including sending out announcements and preparing where the new couple will live. All types of marriage parties are described, including taking photos and displaying the gifts. Next, there is an overview of how the couple can create a marital relationship, followed by an examination of what might go wrong in a marriage, which looks at topics such as incompatibility, gross misconduct and divorce. There is a chapter on pregnancy, which includes a discussion on how children are named. The books ends with a short overview of specific aspects of marriage such as who has free time and what ‘family time’ means.

Recreating Culture – Lessons from Bakeries and Cafeterias

Reflections – Dhofari Conversations

Photographs of Dhofar by Onazia Shaikh 

Frankincense in Dhofar, Oman

Frankincense in Dhofar, Oman

Onaiza Shaikh, whose photographs I have used for several projects, sent me several gorgeous photos so I thought I would do a short post on frankincense in Dhofar. 

two reputable stores which sell Dhofari frankincense:

We Remember What Frankincense Was Meant to Be. For thousands of years, frankincense was an offering. Carried by hand. Burned with intention. Passed down through memory. Sacrasoul exists to remember. To keep ancient materials whole. The resins. The oils. The traditions. And the people who have guarded them, quietly, for generations. We are not here to improve what already knows how to endure. We are here to pass it on — unchanged.

Pure Aromatics Since 1997 – Established in 1997, stands as New York’s quintessential shop for natural aromatics, including essential oils, absolutes, and enfleurages. Our steadfast commitment to natural essence means we strictly avoid synthetics in all our offerings. Alongside aromatic oils, we’re proud to present an exquisite selection of hydrosols, bespoke botanical perfumes, skincare, haircare, and specialty items like roll-ons, raw incense, and handcrafted frankincense candles.

essay about the use of frankincense in Dhfoari homes

Crafting a Home: Interior Home Design in Southern Oman

a few texts about frankincense/ the ecology of Dhofar

Al-Hikmani, Hadi and Andrew Spalton. 2021. Dhofar: Monsoon Mountains to Sand Seas – Sultanate of Oman. Chicago: Gilgamesh Publishing.

Ball, Lawrence, Douglas MacMillan, Joseph Tzanopoulos, Andrew Spalton, Hadi Al Hikmani and Mark Moritz. 2020. “Contemporary Pastoralism in the Dhofar Mountains of Oman.” Human Ecology. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10745-020-00153-5

Boom, Andrea. 2024. “Small, Green, and Prickly: Local Botanical Knowledge in Modern South Arabian Languages.” Proceedings of the Semitic Studies Section at the 34th DOT at Freie Universität Berlin. Simona Olivieri and Shabo Talay, eds. 85-99.

Janzen, Jorg. 2000. “The Destruction of Resources among the Mountain Nomads of Dhofar,” in The Transformation of Nomadic Society in the Arab East, University of Cambridge Oriental Publications 58. Martha Mundy and Basim Musallam, eds. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press. 160-75.

—. 1986. Nomads in the Sultanate of Oman: Tradition and Development in Dhofar. London: Westview Press.

“Frankincense Research and Conservation.” n.d. Environmental Society of Oman. https://eso.org.om/frankincense/

Johnson, Stephen, Ali Bait Said, Petr Vahalík, Lukáš Karas, Maïa Sarrouf Willson, Frans Bongers. 2025. Rapid Conservation Assessment of Boswellia Sacra in Oman Reveals Complex Threat and Population Patterns.” Journal of Arid Environments 229.

Lewis, Krista. 2022. “The Land of Frankincense: Dhofari Sites as National and World Heritage,” in Sultan Qaboos and Modern Oman, 1970–2020. Allen James Fromherz and Abdulrahman al-Salimi, eds. Edinburgh: Edinburgh University Press.67-88.

Miller, Anthony, Miranda Morris, and Susanna Stuart-Smith, Plants of Dhofar, the Southern Region of Oman: Traditional, Economic, and Medicinal Uses, (Muscat: Office of the Adviser for Conservation of the Environment, Diwan of Royal Court, 1988).

Morris, Miranda. “The Aloe and the Frankincense Tree in Southern Arabia: Different Approaches to Their Use.” Herbal Medicines in Yemen: Traditional Knowledge and Practice, and Their Value for Today’s World. Ingrid Hehmeyer and Hanne Schönig, eds. Brill: Boston, 2012. 103-126.

—. “The Harvesting of Frankincense in Dhofar.” In Alessandra Avanzini, ed.  Profumi d’Arabia. Rome: L’Erma Bretschneider, 1997. 231-250.

Sale, J. 1980. “The Ecology of the Mountain Region of Dhofar.” The Journal of Oman Studies: Special Report 2: The Oman Flora and Fauna Survey 1975. Muscat: Diwan of H. M. for Protocol. 25-54.

Tabook, Salim Bakhit. 1997. Tribal Practices and Folklore of Dhofar, Sultanate of Oman. Unpublished PhD thesis, Faculty of Arts, Exeter University.

Watson, Janet, Jon Lovett and Roberta Morano, eds. 2023. Language and Ecology in Southern and Eastern Arabia. London: Bloomsbury.

Wilson, Jack, Janet C.E. Watson, Andrea Boom and Saeed al-Qumairi. 2022. “Language, Gesture and Ecology in Modern South Arabian Languages,” in Language and Ecology in Southern and Eastern Arabia. Janet Watson, Jon Lovett and Roberta Morano, eds. 15-44.

Zimmerle, William. 2017. Crafting Cuboid Incense Burners in the Land of Frankincense: The Dhofar Ethnoarchaeology Preservation Project. Washington: Sultan Qaboos Cultural Center/Liberty House Press.

‘Reflections on Marriage in Dhofar, Oman’ is accepted for publication

Photographs of Dhofar by Onazia Shaikh 

My Favorite Description of Anthropology

Reflections – Dhofari Conversations

Crafting a Home: Interior Home Design in Southern Oman

This essay is based on the presentation given at the Home/Making Symposium, Concordia University, Montreal on May 12, 2023, with editing suggestions from Elaine Cheasley Paterson and Molly-Claire Gillett

  • Introduction
  • My Positionality
  • Designing a house
  • Rooms
  • Foyer/ main hallway
  • Majlis
  • Salle     
  • Kitchen/ Dining Room
  • Bedrooms
  • Bathrooms
  • Who decorates
  • Decorating a house
  • Generating Ideas       
  • Handmade objects
  • Conclusion
  • Related bibliographies, books, publications and conference presentations

Introduction

Most of the writing about architecture and design on the Arabian Peninsula focuses on either ancient, archeological finds or huge modern edifices. This essay concentrates on the domestic sphere, specifically common practices in decorating a middle-class family house in Dhofar, the southernmost of the 11 governorates in Oman. Dhofar is 99,300 square km and the southern border is the coast of the Indian Ocean. Yemen lies to the west, Saudi Arabia is north, and the other Omani governates are to the east/ north-east.

This paper begins with an overview of how houses are designed, then gives a description of the types of rooms. There is then is a discussion of who decorates the house and how decorations are decided/ agreed on. At the end are several bibliographies on various aspects related to housing on the Arabian Peninsula and links to images of houses.

My Positionality

I lived in Salalah for 19 years, teaching at a small, local university. I taught education, literature and cultural studies classes; my research circled around the question: how do middle-class, Arab, Muslim, tribal, Dhofari people live day to day?

I started research on houses in the summer of 2019 as I was working on my book about foodways. I had to write about how kitchens are situated, designed, decorated and used in Dhofari houses and I found this work so interesting, I started taking notes and asking questions about other rooms in houses, as well as collecting photographs. When the food book was sent to the publisher, I began working on houses full-time by finding and reading texts about houses on the Arabian Peninsula. Between 2020-22, I did targeted interviews and went back through my research notes to compile charts about which houses I had been in and for what reason.

The information presented here is the result of academic research and interviews, as well as simply being friends with Dhofaris and thus being invited by women into their homes for social visits, birthday parties, wedding parties and condolence visits. There are Dhofari houses I have been in more than 30 times and “social visits” include Eid visits, iftar meals at sunset during Ramadan, to meet a new baby, a formal dinner party and to be given a tour of a new house.

With the men in my research group I have been on almost 400 picnics, more than 30 camping trips and over a dozen boat trips. As it is less common for an American woman to be friends with a Dhofari man, I have only been in a few of their houses, for a meal with other men, but eight of the men have sent me photos of their houses and explained the layout.

I also have been invited to see several houses that were being built by Dhofari friends and snuck into more than a dozen houses that were being built in the neighborhoods where I have lived. In addition, I lived in two Dhofari-designed houses within Dhofari neighborhoods for a total of 17 of the 19 years I lived in Oman.

There are no texts which deal with interior design/ room layout in the Dhofar region. As houses are predominately a space for family, the way people know what the inside of other houses look like are ads for rental houses and photos taken on special occasions which circulate through social media. So while I was focusing on houses, I spent a lot of time reviewing what Dhofari friends were posting about houses.

I would like to make clear two limitations of my knowledge. First, all the houses I was in/ saw photos of belonged to middle-class families. Extreme poverty is very rare among Omanis; the government gives subsidies for electricity, water and gas as well as monthly pensions for people in need. There is no homelessness, healthcare is free or with a minimal fee and students with high grades are given free university tuition. I do not know anyone with food scarcity or who could not afford the basics of shelter, clothing, transportation and the ability to host friends, celebrate religious days, hold weddings, etc. On the other side of the scale, I don’t know anyone with extreme wealth, e.g. multiple houses, several cars, ability to pay thousands of dollars for non-essentials such as vacations or jewelry.

Secondly, the houses I describe are Dhofari-designed and decorated. Most of the houses I visited belonged to people who were part of the hakli (Gibali-speaking) tribes. I visited many houses which are rented by expats, but have only included descriptions of the layout if the structures were Dhofari-designed. I have not included descriptions of interior decoration of houses which were lived in by expats or non-Dhofari Omanis.

I have aggregated the evidence I collected into the data presented below, with caveats about personal choices.

Finally, I would also like to be clear that I was visiting houses for many years before I approached design as an academic topic. When I decided to start research on houses, I let my Dhofari friends and informants know this. I asked permission to use descriptions of their houses and did over a dozen interviews. I asked them to please send me photos of their houses (as this was during Covid) if they wanted to. Thus for several houses, I first saw the space as a guest, then as a researcher, then again as a regular guest.

Designing a house

The Dhofar region is considered BWh [arid-desert-hot] in the Köppen-Geiger climate classification. But is often described in non-scientific texts, especially tourist brochures, as tropical or subtropical. From March to the beginning of June is the hot season, with temperatures often in the high 90s with high humidity. In the middle of June, temperatures drop as clouds move in for the South-East khareef (monsoon) season; there is frequent drizzle, occasional rain storms and high seas until the start of September. In the middle of September, the clouds disperse, leaving a green landscape and pleasantly warm weather with blue skies. By December, the grasses have died off, leaving the hills brown and people prepare for the frequent, strong, sand-bearing, north winds from December to March.

This weather pattern means that all houses built in the last 40 years are made of cement block which keeps the wind and drizzle out, but are not energy effective. The houses need air conditioners constantly working to keep cool and the metal and wood window frames and door frames often let in sand and rain during storms.

Dhofari houses are designed by the people who will live in the space so the rooms are built to the families’ specifications.[1] Given than most Dhofaris live in multi-generational clusters of thirty or more family members, this means consulting the wishes of many people. This also means that many people can help contribute. For example a sister might give cash from her salary for building supplies while a brother who does not have a job can do the work of finding the right equipment to rent, bringing workers to and from the job site, supervising, being on hand to answer questions, etc.

The decision to build does not rest solely with the men of a family. Mothers, wives, sisters and daughters are part of decisions relating to the home. Men may not say publicly that they are making decisions based on their relatives’ wishes, but it is expected that the women’s opinions will be consulted. I have heard complaints from Dhofari women that, for example, the kitchen is not well-designed, but among my informants in the hakli group of tribes and in the hakli houses I have visited and seen photos of, the women always had a say in how the house was set up. Several hakli men I know simply handed over the room location and decoration to the women.

Rooms

The most important rooms are the majlis, usually explained as the male or male visitor’s sitting room, and the salle, usually explained as the women’s or family’s sitting room.[2] As the majlis is used more frequently for guests, it is often more showy with a larger TV, elaborate curtains, wall hangings, and gypsum decorations on the ceiling. Care is taken that the two rooms do not have the same color scheme but the spaces are not color-coded for gender in Western terms. For example, the majlis might be light purple or peach while the salle is dark blue or brown.

I think of Dhofari houses as the antithesis of expensive Victorian-era houses in the United Kingdom with many little rooms which each have a separate purpose: the morning room, the seamstress’ room, billiard room, the music room, the library, etc.. In Dhofari houses, there are usually only four types of rooms: sitting room, bedroom, kitchen and bathroom and the first three types are furnished with the same pattern of furniture next to the walls and empty space in the middle.

Another way to think about types of rooms is to consider that many middle- and upper-class North American homes have rooms for work, relaxation and/ or exercise such as a home office, craft room, gym, yoga studio, etc. which might be the former bedroom of a child who has moved out. There is a standard trope of a child going to college and his/ her room ‘disappears’ as it has been entirely repurposed.

In Dhofar, while the people who stay in a room might change, the purpose seldom does. For example, three brothers might share a bedroom on the ground floor. In time, an additional story is added and two boys move to an upstairs bedroom while the original room is redone for the oldest boy and his bride. After this couple have a few children, they move to a suite on the first floor and the bedroom is refurbished for a grandparent who cannot manage to walk upstairs.

Foyer/ main hallway

Looking at the front of a Dhofar house, there are almost always two doors. The smaller/ less decorated door leads to the majlis, explained below, and the larger door opens into a large, wide hallway. This hallway, which runs from the front to the back of most houses, is widest by the front door. There is usually no furniture in the hallway except perhaps a tall, rectangular side table pushed against the wall near the door with a mirror above it or nearby. 

This is a staging-area that is used only for a few moments of time several times during the day but is necessary given common Dhofar behaviors. A large foyer is needed because there are usually more than five small children living in one house and they can use the space as a play area in hot weather; also, children love to run together to the door when someone knocks (or they are sent to see who it is).

As children like to move in groups, they often stand near the door to look at a person arriving or leaving; for example, younger children often gather in the entrance way when older children are going to school. With a large foyer, there is space for the mom, the children who are going to school and young children to all wait inside where it is cool. Or the space can be used by a group of sisters waiting for a car to take them shopping or visiting relatives so they don’t have to stand outside the house in view of the neighborhood.

In some large, recently-built houses, there is no hallway but a circular, open area with a salle through a wide-open archway, the door to the majlis, the door to the kitchen and the steps leading to upper floors. This space is sometimes big enough for chairs/ a sofa and is used as a play area for children, a pass-through/ staging area and an intermediate/ indeterminate location.

For example, a strange man would come to the majlis through the outside door, but a new bride’s brother who wants to visit might not want to ask her to come to the majlis (where there are other men) and might not be comfortable in the salle (where there are women he doesn’t know and is not related to) but could stand with her in this open space to chat.

Majlis

In some cultures on the Arabian Peninsula, the majlis is strictly male territory but in Dhofar among the hakli tribes, a woman, for example, might sit in the majlis and speak with her uncles or male cousins who have come to visit. Further, the space might be used for children to have lessons with a tutor in the early evening. Women use it to entertain female guests or for wedding parties, during which women usually take over the whole house while men are entertained outside. A husband might sit in the majlis in his wife’s parent’s house as a place to talk to his wife when she is temporarily living at her parent’s house if she is caring for a sick member of her family.

When I visit female Dhofari friends at home, where we sit depends on several factors. If their husbands and/ or brothers are not at home, we sit in the majlis. When I visited one male Dhofari friend, we sat in the majlis, but I went to the salle to eat lunch with the women.

The majlis is usually decorated with sofas or cushions on a low wooden frame surrounding the sides of the room, a few coffee tables, a TV, and sometimes decorations such as photos of the Sultan Qaboos or Sultan Haitham. There is an AC and the walls are always painted to coordinate with the curtains and sofas. Often there is a rug in the (empty) center of the room; the color scheme might be shades of beige, pastels or dark shades of brown, blue, or green.

Majlis always have two doors; the first leads to the outside, so that guests may come and go without moving through or seeing other spaces in the interior of the house. The second door leads to the main hallway of the house and is always closed, if not locked. There is often an open sink, to wash hands before and after eating, and a small toilet/ shower room. 

In a very small house, sometimes the majlis is completely repurposed by becoming a bedroom. Then the salle functions as majlis. In one house which was arranged like this, when I was sitting with women and a man entered to meet with the husband, the women and I went to sit in the couple’s bedroom.

There can also be a majlis in the house as well as another majlis in a separate building. This is not common in Dhofar and is usually a marker of a religiously conservative and/ or wealthy family. The outside majlis is usually located close to the wall (sometimes with a doorway cut into the wall) so that visitors do not go anywhere near the house. This majlis often has a large sitting room and bathroom with sometimes a small kitchen (with its own entrance) and/ or a bedroom. When I was with some of the men in the research group visiting a man we knew, we sat in the separate majlis and lunch was brought to us, carried by our friend.

Salle

In the same way that the majlis can be used by women in Dhofar, the salle can be used by men who are not in the family, for example older men who are close, long-term neighbors might sit with women in the salle if there are no men in the house to entertain them.

The salle is always at the front of the house, close to but usually not visible from the front door. The room has three sides, often with windows to the front and side of the house, the side to the front hallway completely open, with a blank back wall. Like the majlis, it is usually decorated with sofas or cushions on a low wooden frame surrounding the sides of the room, a few coffee tables, a TV, and decorative elements such as vases. The bathroom area might be attached to the salle or further down the main hallway of the house.

Although the norm in Dhofar is for a house to have one majlis and one salle, some larger houses have a series of rooms, i.e., a formal salle at the front of the house and then a (usually less formal) salle further inside. Sometimes also a few sofas are placed upstairs in an open area at the head of the stairs (out of sight of the front door) for family members only.

A salle can be a place for siblings to watch horror movies at 1am, somber when the house is in mourning and women come to pay condolence visits, joyful for a graduation celebration, intimate when sisters come to visit and share all the family news, loud when the children are playing, and welcoming for neighbors and guests. The salle is the center of a Dhofari house.

This could be seen as valid for a North American family as well, i.e., someone in Wisconsin might say that the family room is the heart of the house, yet North Americans may also use different home spaces. They might gather in the kitchen or dining room for a meal; go to the den, basement or spare bedroom to watch TV; sit in the living room for formal visits and send children to their bedrooms to play with toys. All of those activities would take place in the salle of a Dhofari house.

Kitchen/ Dining Room

The kitchen is located to the side or back of the house; in newer houses it has its own entrance used by family members if there is parking near that entrance, as well as those who don’t live in the house, for example people bringing in supplies such as bags of groceries and/ or jugs of water for water dispensers. Like bathrooms, kitchens have tiled walls and floors, usually in shades of grey, beige or brown. There are florescent tube lights, a ceiling fan and an extractor fan, but usually not AC. If there is a window (most often over the sink) it has opaque glass.

Often there are long, high counters along one or two walls, with shelving underneath and cupboards above. The below-counter cupboards, as well as the stove, fridge and washing machine are set slightly above floor-level on platforms so that the floor can be cleaned by mopping/ sluicing. Usually the gas canisters for the stoves are located outside the house, next to the kitchen door, with a small hole drilled in the cement wall to bring the gas pipe to the stove/ oven.

As it is common to have thirty or more people (from different generations) in one house, kitchens are big enough to make large meals. Like most rooms, everything is placed around the sides of the room. Sometimes there is a table, but often you can find an empty area in the middle of the room that is five feet square or larger. This is so a lot of women can work together for parties and also because some cooking is done on the floor. For example, large pots of meat are sometimes cooked on gas rings set on the floor because it is easier to stir from a standing position than trying to reach into a pot set on the stovetop. Some kinds of bread are cooked using small gas burners set on the floor.

Kitchens are utilitarian; pretty trays might be leaned against the back-splash or there might be a vase to hold wooden spoons, etc., but kitchens are seldom decorated or set up as welcoming/ comforting spaces in which to sit and relax.

As soon as you walk in, it’s easy to visually orient yourself; often the cupboards have glass fronts so you can see inside them. Most families will have items for hosting in sight and easy to reach: several sets of teacups and saucers, tea and coffee pots, carafes, glass bowls or plates. There are usually several trays as almost all food, drinks and eating utensils, plates, cups, etc. are moved on trays, not carried by hand

Larger and newer houses may have small suites for each married son. This will usually consist of a bedroom with an attached bathroom and a sitting room which might have a galley kitchen with a small sink and microwave so they can make tea and simple meals for themselves. Thus, there will be one large kitchen for a house, with perhaps a few smaller mini-kitchens for couples.

Bedrooms

If the house has one floor, bedrooms are at the back of the house, usually behind the kitchen. In a two- or three-story house there are often one or two bedrooms on the ground floor for older and senior relatives with the rest of the bedrooms on the upper floors.

There is usually a bed with matching nightstands and large wardrobes, as well as a sofa or padded chairs and coffee table. Sometimes there is a desk and chair if the inhabitant is school-age. I have never seen a built-in closet; everything is stored on or in shelving units or cupboards.

In addition to the overhead, usually fluorescent, lights, bedrooms often have a sconce (wall light) with a low-watt or colored bulb so, if the room is shared, one person can move around and/ or parents can look in on children without turning on the bright overhead lights. There is always a fan and AC.  

It is very common for the upper stories to have a series of suites, meaning a door on the main corridor which leads to a small foyer space with three or four doors: two rooms and a bathroom, perhaps a storage room. This configuration can be easily changed as needed. For example, the two rooms might be used as a bedroom and a sitting room for a newly married couple or single older relative; a shared bedroom and a study/ play room for several children; or two shared bedrooms with a variety of configurations such as younger children in one room with an older child in the other or a married couple in one room, children in the other, etc. If the second room is used as a sitting room, there is often a small kitchen area.

If a man has more than one wife in the same house, each suite will be considered as belonging to the wife and the husband will move between the suites. If his second wife is in another house, he will move between houses as, in Islam, a man should spend equal time with each wife. In old-age or in times of sickness, an older man might sleep alone in what was a room for guests.

Sometimes a Dhofari woman will stay in her parent’s house and her husband will move in with her. This doesn’t happen often; usually it occurs when the husband works close to his wife’s family house, if she is the only daughter or her mother has no sons living with her.

Bathrooms

For some houses built in the mountains in the 1980s and before, the bathroom can be a small, separate building. In this case it is a low ceilinged, tiled space with a toilet, sink, shower and washing machine.

Since the 1980s, bathrooms are within the house, usually rectangular and built with the narrow end on an outside wall or lightwell to allow for the window and extractor fan. They usually have tiled walls and floors with an open design (e.g. no interior walls such as a low partition to screen the toilet) with a pedestal sink or sink on a counter with empty space beneath and a shelving unit next to the wall. The sink is always closest to the door.

The shower area usually does not have a curtain and is marked off with a slightly lowered floor with a drain. Some have tiled steps along one side. Bathtubs are rare; if there is one, it usually has a seat. The steps and seat are for the ritual washing before Muslim prayers during which face, hands and feet must be cleaned.

Bathrooms in the family/ private area of the house are often plainly decorated and are built open-plan for one person to use at a time, unless it is a parent helping a small child. Some North American bathrooms are set up with the toilet half-hidden behind a low wall and shower curtains so that two people might use the room at the same time but I have not heard of that in Dhofar. For unmarried inhabitants, if there is not a bathroom attached to the bedroom, there is one nearby.

The guest bathroom that is attached to or near the majlis and salle often has a space with one or more sinks, then there is an inner door which leads to a small room with a toilet, shower and sink so that guests might wash their hands while the toilet/ shower room is in use. These rooms are usually nicely appointed with fancy faucets and attractive tiles.

Who decorates

Given that most Dhofaris live in multi-generational clusters of thirty or more family members, interior design means consulting the wishes of many people. Usually older family members have a more decisive say but different people can be in control of different areas. For example, the senior woman might be in charge of decorating the kitchen, the senior man might choose the colors of the main sitting room, while a sister might design the room for her brother and his new wife. If there is one person in the family who is known for their flair, they might be given responsibility for the salle, main hallway and majlis. Adults usually decorate their own bedrooms.

Some Dhofari women are frustrated that they don’t have a say in designing and decorating but this is often a function of age and tribe. In the hakli families I know mothers, sisters, wives and/or daughters are always consulted or had design control over the parts of houses they lived in and used daily, i.e., salle, kitchen and bedroom.

However, unmarried women in their teens or early twenties might not be consulted, except for the color choices in their rooms, because of age and the expectation that they will not stay in the house for long given that almost all women move to their husband’s house when married.

When a man is getting married, he is either given a new room or his room is completely redone: re-painted, new furniture, new lighting and often a new dropped or decorated ceiling. This room, out of respect for whoever decorated it, should not be changed for several years, so a woman might not have power over her living space until she is in her late twenties or thirties, but from then on, the decorating is made in consultation with her or left entirely up to her.    

Decorating a house

Houses are decorated when they are new or when the family moves in. Usually, a family will bring all new furniture as the old furniture is given away. Refurbishment, new furniture and/ or painting, usually takes place before the two Eids (Muslim holidays) and/ or before a wedding.        

Generating Ideas

Getting design ideas for the exterior of houses is simple, one only has to drive around and see what other people have done. But there are not many chances to get design ideas about interior spaces beyond a few, large furnishing stores that have opened in the past few years. Dhofaris will visit relative’s houses and might stay in hotels or vacation rentals, but there are limited opportunities to see a wide variety of interior styles.

Dhofaris might post photos of a newly decorated room on social media and people who manage rental houses might post photos of interiors but there is, for example, no Omani equivalent of Zillow or Redfin with photos of the inside of millions of homes.

On the other hand, there are many carpenters, iron-mongers and tailors so that Dhofaris are not limited to furniture and curtains they find in stores. As with designing the house, people can take a photo or hand-drawn sketch to a workshop and have beds, wardrobes, sofas, chairs, drapes, etc. made to their specifications.   

Handmade objects

In North America, people often design their houses with personal items which reflect their travels, accomplishments and interests. But in a majlis or salle, there are usually few or no signs of the individuals who live in the house such as photos, books, souvenirs or knickknacks. The window might be decorated with five kinds of fabric, tassels, pull-backs, swags and ruffles, but you won’t be able to tell very much about the family.

While many Dhofaris have an interest in design per se, it is usually manifested in the design of clothes and making of perfumes, not in creating objects that would be on display such as quilts, crocheted afghans/ throws, needlepoint cushions and paintings. The one handmade object which is found is a majmar, a small clay, footed bowl which is used to hold a lit piece of charcoal with a piece of frankincense. The burning tree sap produces clouds of perfumed smoke which create a lovely fragrance in the house. 

Conclusion

Most Dhofaris follow the principle of “people, not things.” When visiting a hakli at home, the house itself is never the focus of the conversation. If it’s a new house, there will be compliments and a short discussion about where and how items were bought but that is only a few moments but the important most element of owning a house is to create a comfortable place for one’s family to gather.

 Risse – bibliographies, essays and images for Houseways

main webpages on research about houses: 

references list: Selected references related to Houseways in Southern Oman, Oct. 2022

images: 

Risse – publications – books

This book outlines strategies for current or soon-to-be business professionals, government employees, anthropologists, researchers and teachers to communicate, study and work effectively on the Arabian Peninsula. Using first-person accounts, as well as scholarly research from the fields of anthropology, history, literature, political science and travel writing, this text gives clear advice so long- and short-term visitors can create successful interactions with people from Arabian Peninsula societies. By discussing how the practicalities of work and research intersect with cultural norms, this book fills the gap between guides aimed at the casual tourists and academic texts on narrowly defined topics.

This book explains how modern, middle-class houses are sited, designed, built, decorated and lived in with an emphasis on how room-usage is determined by age, gender, time of day and the presence of guests. Dhofari houses are also compared to houses in other Arabian Peninsula countries and positioned within the theoretical frameworks of the “Islamic city” and the “Islamic house.”

This book examines the objects, practices and beliefs relating to producing, obtaining, cooking, eating and disposing of food in the Dhofar region of southern Oman. The chapters consider food preparation, who makes what kind of food, and how and when meals are eaten. Dr. Risse connects what is consumed to themes such as land usage, gender, age, purity, privacy and generosity. She also discusses how foodways are related to issues of morality, safety, religion, and tourism. The volume is a result of fourteen years of collecting data and insights in Dhofar, covering topics such as catching fish, herding camels, growing fruits, designing kitchens, cooking meals and setting leftovers out for animals.

This book explores how, in cultures which prize conformity, there is latitude for people who choose not to conform either for a short time and how the chances to assert independence change over time. The main focus is on how the traits of self-control and self-respect are manifested in the everyday actions of several groups of tribes whose first language is Gibali (Jebbali/ Jebali, also referred to as Shari/ Shahri), a non-written, Modern South Arabian language. Although no work can express the totality of a culture, this text describes how Gibalis are constantly shifting between preserving autonomy and signaling membership in family, tribal and national communities.

 Risse – publications

“Lifeways of Traditional Fishermen in Dhofar, Oman,” in Fish as Food: Lifestyle and a Sustainable Future. Helen Macbeth, ed. International Commission on the Anthropology of Food and Nutrition – Alimenta Populorum series. 2024: 155-170. https://archive.org/details/macbeth-young-and-roberts-ed-fish-as-food-anthropological-and-cross-disciplinary

“An Ethnographic Discussion of Fairy Tales from Southern Oman,” Fabula: Zeitschrift für Erzählforschung / Journal of Folktale Studies / Revue d’Etudes sur le Conte Populaire 60.3-4 (De Gruyter, Berlin) 2019: 318–335.

 “Understanding Communication in Southern Oman,” North Dakota Quarterly 84.1 (Special Issue on Transnationalism) 2017: 174-184.

“Generosity, Gift-giving and Gift-avoiding in Southern Oman,” Proceedings of the Seminar for Arabian Studies 45 (Oxford: Archeopress) 2015: 289-296. 

“Cultural Refraction: Using Travel Writing, Anthropology and Fiction to Understand the Culture of Southern Arabia,” Interdisciplinary Humanities 26:1, 2009: 63-78.

 Risse – conference presentations

“Conducting Research on the Arabian Peninsula: Creating Effective Interactions,” Middle East Studies Association Annual Conference. Upcoming, Nov. 11-15, 2024.

“Windguru and Other Gurus: Fishing off the Coast of Dhofar, Oman,” Navigating the Transcultural Indian Ocean: Texts and Practices in Contact Conference, sponsored by the Rutter Project. June 5, 2024

“Crafting a Home: Interior Home Design in Southern Oman.” Home/Making Symposium, Concordia University. Montreal. May 12, 2023. https://www.concordia.ca/finearts/events/home-making.html

“Good Governance and Open Spaces: How the State and Residents Negotiate the Use of Government Land in Dhofar, Oman.” AnthroState Talks for the European Association of Social Anthropologists Network on Anthropologies of the State. May 4, 2023. https://easaonline.org/networks/anthrostate/talks

“Private Lives in Public Spaces: Perceptions of Space-Usage in Southern Oman.” Middle East Studies Association annual conference. Montreal, Quebec. December 2, 2021.

“The Costs and Benefits of Fishing in Southern Oman.” Fish as Food: Lifestyle and a Sustainable Future, annual conference of the International Commission on the Anthropology of Food and Nutrition, hosted at the University of Liverpool. Sept. 1, 2021.

“Ethical Eating in Southern Oman.” Just Food, virtual conference of the Association for the Study of Food and Society; Agriculture, Food and Human Values Society; Canadian Association for Food Studies and the Society for the Anthropology of Food and Nutrition, hosted by the Culinary Institute of America and New York University. June 12, 2021.

“Foodways in Southern Oman,” for the session “Uncovering Truths, Building Responsibility in A Pandemic: Insights from Emerging Monographs at the Nexus of Culture, Food, and Agriculture.” American Anthropological Association. Nov. 9, 2020.

with Keye Tersmette. “Ghurba at Home – Views from Oman.” The Arab World as Ghurba: Citizenship, Identity and Belonging in Literature and Popular Culture, University of Warwick. June 21, 2019.

“Female, Femininity, Male and Masculinity in the Gibali-speaking Tribes of Southern Oman.” The Gulf Research Conference, Cambridge University. August 2, 2017.

“‘I Came to You for Good’: An Ethnographic Discussion of Folk Tales from Southern Oman.” Third Joint Seminar of The Folklore Society and the Royal Anthropological Institute, Royal Anthropological Institute, London. Oct. 26, 2017.

“‘Words Mean Nothing’: Fluency in Language and Fluency in Culture in Anthropology Fieldwork in Southern Oman.” British Society for Middle Eastern Studies, University of Wales. July 15, 2016.

 ***********

            [1] To help pay for the building costs, the house might be rented out for a few years before the owner moves in. Also, if a family moves into a new house, they may give their previous one to a relative.

            [2] Salle is pronounced ‘sall-la,’ not as the French, ‘sall.’

 

Outline and Chapter Abstracts for ‘Researching, Teaching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula: Creating Effective Interactions’

Practicalities: Managing a Short Research Trip to the Arabian Peninsula

Me Talk Pretty Never: Learning Arabic, part 1

Adjusting to Oman: My Dangerous Taxi

One Year Away – Missing Oman

I left Salalah a year ago and am still processing that loss. I miss my friends and so many aspects of Dhofari life, especially:

  • Long conversations – When you sit down to talk to a friend in Oman, it’s expected you will talk for hours. I miss having coffee with a female friend for 2 or 3 hours; picnic dinners with the research guys which could mean 6 or 7 hours of chatting.
  • Gorgeous Nature – Pristine, empty beaches; snorkeling over reefs; boat rides, skimming along next to pods of leaping dolphins; sitting in the desert or on a beach with no ambient lights so you could a dark night sky full of stars; green mountains in the monsoon season
  • Animals – lizards and chameleons; seeing foxes, hearing wolves; the parrots which came to my guava tree; flamingos; camels, especially baby camels
  • Plants – palm trees; banana trees; lemon trees; fig trees; my gardens with papaya trees, henna trees, neem trees, olive trees, hibiscus, bougainvillea, oleander, gardenia, jasmine, aloes, lemongrass, yellow trumpet flower
  • Food – fresh coconut milk, schwarmas, fresh Yemeni bread, lobsters cooked over coals, fresh fruit juice, Balbek (if you know, you know), fresh lemon and mint, fresh fish
  • Teaching literature and 98% of my students – Although it cost me $100s a year, it was fun buying and reading books as I searched for new poems and stories to teach. It was a joy to craft syllabi with texts from different time periods and cultures with similar characters, plots and/ or themes and then the best part, talking about these texts with students who had great insights and could make connections to other texts and their own lives. Some classes were an uphill climb but in some classes we laughed all semester.
  • Discussing religion – Everyone I knew believed in God and was up for talking about religious beliefs; I could say, “I will pray for you” and ask, “Will you pray for me?” as a part of ordinary conversations
  • Multi-cultural everythings – Walking through the grocery store and not knowing what I was looking at: new vegetables, new fruit, words I didn’t understand on jars; all different kinds of clothes and fabrics
  • Active ethnography – I was always watching, listening, trying to figure out what was going on: What was that word? Why did that person do that? It was exhausting but always interesting
  • Constantly learning – students were always teaching me new expressions and gestures; the research guys teaching me how to how to drive on sand (only getting stuck three times!), up steep inclines and over rocks
  • Language barriers – Being able to go through the day without understanding most of the conversations around me was relaxing; now I constantly overhear people venting when I walk home or sit in a café
  • My truck – Driving in Oman is so fun on flat desert roads, twisting mountain roads, roads that curve along the shoreline
  • Houses – High ceilings, archways, lots of counter-space in the kitchen, well-designed bathrooms

What’s nice about where I am

  • Being able to easily see/ talk to friends, my mom and family
  • Working with kind and competent people: no lying, no back-stabbing, no drama and every single person says “Hello”
  • Flower stores, especially Kendall Flower Shop, Brattle Square Florist and Petali
  • Breakfast sandwiches, pizza, salads and ice cream without freezer burn
  • Not sharing my apartment with mice, spiders, bees or armies of ants – quiet ACs

Outline and Chapter Abstracts for ‘Researching, Teaching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula: Creating Effective Interactions’

Practicalities of Moving to the Arabian Peninsula: Using the Arabic Language

Ethnography – Finding the Middle Ground, part 1 of Discussing Photographs

Returning to USA – Culture Shock essays

Outline and Chapter Abstracts for ‘Researching, Teaching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula: Creating Effective Interactions’

Outline and Chapter Abstracts for Researching, Teaching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula: Creating Effective Interactions [ https://link.springer.com/book/10.1007/978-981-96-5326-3 ]

Chapter 1 – Situating Work and Research on the Arabian Peninsula 1

Overview 1

Audience 3

Locals 5

Non-locals 7

Becoming Local and Controlling Interpretations 8

My Background 11

Doing Research 14

Research and Safety 16

Other Voices 18

References 24

Chapter 2 – Literature Review for the Arabian Peninsula 27

Overview 27

Ethnography and the Importance of Changing Your Ideas 28

Ethnography and the Importance of Writing About When

You Are Wrong 29

General Anthropology Texts 32

Textbooks 32

Fieldwork Journals 33

Discussing Fieldwork/Fieldsites 33

General Texts About Anthropology and/or Arab/Islamic Countries 35

Arabian Peninsula Countries 36

Situating Arabian Peninsula Studies/History 36

Bahrain and Kuwait 37

Oman 38

Qatar 38

Saudi Arabia 39

The United Arab Emirates 40

Yemen 41

Arabian Peninsula Themes 43

From the Society 43

Islam 44

Labor/Migration 46

Partner Studies 47

Politics/Power 47

Social/Family 47

Survive/Thrive 48

Tribes 49

Women 50

References 53

Chapter 3 – Before Moving to the Arabian Peninsula 77

Overview: Thinking About Adjustments 77

Learn the Alphabet 79

Starting to Understand Islam If You Aren’t Muslim 80

Ramadan 80

Religion and Public Performance 82

Get Ready for Culture Shock 83

Get Ready for the Weather 85

Get Photos, Make Copies, Find a Bank and Get Change 86

Get in Touch with People 87

Buy Stuff 88

Plan for Happiness 88

For Travelers 89

Starting Out—Working 91

Starting Out—Teaching 92

Starting Out—Researching 94

Thinking About Fieldsites 95

Think About How You Present Yourself 96

Figure Out Your Way of Taking Notes, and Be Ready to Entirely Change It 97

Be Able to Explain Your Research in Ways That Make Sense to the People You Are Talking To 97

Proceed Slowly and Hope for a Hand-Off 98

References 100

Chapter 4 – Adjusting to Life on the Arabian Peninsula 103

Starting Out—General Points 103

Know Yourself and Be Prepared 103

Smile 104

Over-Explain 106

Don’t Lie 107

Refine Your Ability to Read People 108

Get Local 108

Get Generous 109

Be Yourself in Your Downtime 110

Time/Money Continuum 111

Safety/Anonymity 112

Transportation 113

Communication 114

Visual Cultures 118

Information Brokers 120

Friendship/Hospitality 121

Family 123

Busy/Lazy 125

References 130

Chapter 5 – Key Topics for Expat Researchers on the Arabian Peninsula 133

Overview—Positionality 133

Tribes 134

You Aren’t in a Tribe/You Are in a Tribe 135

Talking About Tribes 137

Clothes 138

Language 140

Knowing/Not Knowing Arabic 140

Age and Gender 142

Men 143

Special Themes 146

Exhaustion 146

Authenticity/Modernity 150

Prejudices 151

What Happens When You Love (or Hate) the People You Talk To? 153

Claiming Expertise 156

Safety 156

Payback 157

References 164

Chapter 6 – Strategies for Research on the Arabian Peninsula 167

Overview 167

Research Practicalities—Meeting Other Researchers 168

Getting in Touch with Other People for Information and Assistance 168

When You Meet 169

After Meeting 169

When Other People Get in Touch with You for Information 170

Research Practicalities—In the Field 171

Be the Most Cautious Version of Yourself Until You Are a Little Settled 171

Be Careful About Becoming a Dancing Monkey 172

Be Careful of Newspaper/Radio Interviews 173

Be Calm/Don’t Be Calm 174

Start Talking/Stop Talking 175

Go with the Flow 176

Think About Different Explanations 177

Be Wary of the Inclination to Save Anyone from Anything 178

Be Ready for Deflection Strategies and Deal with Them Calmly 179

Accept There Will Always Be Changes to Make and More to Do 180

Refinements 180

Have Situational Awareness 180

Sit Where You Are Told to Sit and Stay Seated 181

Giving and Receiving 182

References 184

Chapter 7 – Suggestions for Expat Professional Workers on the Arabian Peninsula 185

Overview 185

Starting Out 186

Greet Everyone 186

Modesty Is Equally Important for Men and Women 187

Stay Formal at Workplaces 187

Ask Questions 188

Understand That “Yes” Does Not Mean Agreement 188

Everything Is a Precedent 189

Do Not Notice When What Was Impossible Becomes Possible (or What Was Done for Years Becomes Impossible) 189

At a Job 190

Keep a Change List 191

Sit in Your Seat 192

Names and Phone Calls 192

Find Your Dumping Ground 193

Find Mercy 193

Find Your Expat Veneer 194

Dissembling 194

Meeting Important People 195

Pay Attention to and Follow Up on Off-Hand Comments 196

Don’t Be Evil 196

Cultural Understandings 197

Power and the Chain of Command 197

Value Honesty 198

Louise Penny as Management Guru 199

Tribes in the Workplace 200

Refinements 201

Judging Behavior 201

Providing Food 201

Making a House Visit 202

Attending a Funeral 203

References 205

Chapter 8 – Suggestions for Teachers on the Arabian Peninsula 207

Overview 207

Arrival and Expectations 209

Research on Teaching 209

Culture and Pedagogy 210

The “Third” Option 211

Cultural Constructions Within High Context Cultures 212

Cultural Constructions of “Power” and “Authority” 213

Cultural Constructions of “Magic Words” 215

Cultural Constructions of “Patience” 216

Cultural Constructions of “Shame” 217

Techniques 218

Understand That Fear May Appear as Anger or Silence 218

Stay in Calm and in Control 219

Check for Understanding 221

Make Statements Instead of Asking Personal Questions 221

Explain Your Reasoning 222

Do Not Fight the Family 223

Do Not Make False Threats 224

Use Distraction 225

Use Humor 226

Stay Realistic—What You Can Control 227

Stay Realistic—Expectations 228

Give Clear Directions 229

What I Had to Rethink 231

Assumption: Students with a Low Level of English Will Be the Hardest to Teach 231

Assumption: Teachers’ Interactions with Students Are Based on Professional Considerations 232

Assumption: You Make Your Choices and You Live with the Consequences 233

Assumption: Try the New 234

Teaching Fiction to Non-literature Majors 235

References 237

Abstract

Researching and Working outlines strategies for current or soon-to-be anthropologists, government employees, business professionals, researchers and teachers to communicate, study and work effectively on the Arabian Peninsula. Using first-person accounts, as well as scholarly research from the fields of anthropology, history, literature, political science and travel writing, this text gives clear advice so long- and short-term visitors can create successful interactions with people from Arabian Peninsula societies. By discussing how the practicalities of work and research intersect with cultural norms, this book fills the gap between guides aimed at the casual tourists and academic texts on narrowly defined topics. The author has lived and taught on the Arabian Peninsula for more than 20 years and this book is a distillation of observations, academic research and longstanding, deep involvement with local communities in southern Arabia.

Chapter 1 – Situating Work and Research on the Arabian Peninsula

Chapter 1 begins by discussing the audience and scope of the book. It then delves into the questions of who is “local” on the Arabian Peninsula and who speaks for whom? Next there is a brief overview of the author’s background and work in the United Arab Emirates and Oman. Lastly, the author gives several extended examples of research and teaching to highlight elements of cross-cultural communication and confusion.

Chapter 2 – Literature Review

Chapter 2 is an annotated bibliography of texts from the fields of anthropology, history, literature, political science and travel writing which relate to the Arabian Peninsula. The books and articles are arranged by topic and country for researchers interested to see what kinds of work have been done and for readers looking for more in-depth information. There are also short essays on the importance of changing your ideas and acknowledging when you are wrong while doing research, as well as how to pick a fieldsite. Next the chapter gives a selected bibliography of texts pertaining to specific Arabian Peninsula counties. This is followed by short lists of texts pertaining to reoccurring themes in Arabian Peninsula research: Islam, Partner studies, Labor/ Migration, Politics/ Power, Social life/ Family, Survive/ Thrive, Tribes and Woman.

Chapter 3 – Before Moving to the Arabian Peninsula

This chapter is for teachers, researchers and business professionals who have not spent significant time on the Arabian Peninsula. It covers basics such as learning the Arabic alphabet, starting to understand Islam and managing Ramadan as a non-Muslim. It also has specific advice on how cope, for example how to deal with the hot weather, the need for using an international bank and how to prepare paperwork. The chapter includes information for how to get in touch with people before arrival and how to plan for happiness in-country. It ends with sections for specifically for business professionals and teachers. For researchers, there is information about how to create a network of acquaintances, integrate with the local community, decide how to present yourself and figure out the way to take notes.

Chapter 4 – Adjusting to Life on the Arabian Peninsula

This chapter covers the nuts and bolts of first steps on the Arabian Peninsula for teachers, researchers and business professionals. For example, it explains that new arrivals are often taken directly from the airport to meet colleagues and/or start house hunting. The chapter sets out necessary adjustments such as the importance of smiling, over-explaining, not lying and learning how to read people. In addition, the chapter addresses topics such as safety/anonymity, movement through public spaces, effective communication and the consequences of working in cultures that are often visual-, not text-based. How friendships, family relations and information brokers are handled on the Arabian Peninsula are also discussed.

Chapter 5 – Key Topics for Researchers on the Arabian Peninsula

This chapter is for researchers and addresses the issues of positionality, tribal structures, clothing, language and gender. The text includes advice on general topics such as coping with exhaustion, handling prejudices and claiming expertise. It also discusses what happens when you love (or hate) the people you talk to, how to keep safe and how to manage payback.

Chapter 6 – Strategies for Research on the Arabian Peninsula

This chapter helps researchers think through specifics. There are sections about how to do interviews, talk about your project, deal with the press, give presentations and keep up connections with interlocutors. It gives suggestions about being the most cautious version of yourself until you are a little settled and not allowing yourself to be set up for public mockery. It covers how to cope with deflection strategies and keep up situational awareness.

Chapter 7 – Suggestions for Expat Professional Workers on the Arabian Peninsula

This chapter is for business professionals and travelers with guidance for how to prepare for the weather and bureaucracy on the Arabian Peninsula. It explains the need for quiet, modest and formal behavior at workplaces, public spaces, cultural locations and homes/hotels/hostels. It explains that a “yes” is not necessarily an agreement and “I can” does not necessarily mean the person has that ability. Further, it clarifies how to create a positive work environment within cultures which often value family-based events (births, weddings, deaths, recovery from illness, etc.) more important than work requirements. It gives details about settling into the work environment with details about power structures, the value of honesty, how to behave with important people and the importance of having an expat veneer.

Chapter 8 – Suggestions for Teachers on the Arabian Peninsula

This chapter is for teachers and covers how to set achievable expectations for classroom management and workplace behaviors. The focus is on how meanings of words such as “power,” “authority,” “patience” and “shame” carry specific, and possibly new meanings, within high context cultures on the Arabian Peninsula. The chapter sets out techniques to create a positive classroom atmosphere, check for understandings, stay realistic and use distraction. Lastly, the text explains the concept of the “third way,” meaning a combination of the teacher’s pedagogical background and local expectations within a classroom can create a space for win-win interactions between students and teachers.

Practicalities: Managing a Short Research Trip to the Arabian Peninsula

Practicalities: Managing a Short Business Trip to the Arabian Peninsula

Ethnography – Whatever You Do, Don’t Smile, part 2 of Discussing Photographs

Practicalities of Moving to the Arabian Peninsula: How to Sit, Not Wear Shoes and Use Your Hands

Practicalities of Moving to the Arabian Peninsula: Dealing with Loss

I have a section on “attending funerals of co-workers” in Research and Working on the Arabian Peninsula (publication date: June 18, 2025). That is not a topic that shows up in a lot of “how to fit in at work in a new country” books, but it is necessary to know on the Arabian Peninsula as colleagues and neighbors are expected to visit a bereaved family.

To help people struggling with how to behave in such circumstances, AP cultures have solved the “what should I do or say when someone is in grief?” dilemma. There are clear religious and culture guidelines which are easy to know and easy to follow: show up, say good words, drink tea and leave. And it’s easy to know who you should do this for: any co-worker, friend or neighbor.

Your work place will send out condolence notices and if it is expected that co-workers pay condolence visits, all the details will be given to you. You will know when your neighbors are receiving visitors by the number of cars outside the house.

It does not matter what religion you are or how well you knew the person who died. Show up. Put on neutral/ dark clothes, walk into the house, say words of condolences, keep a calm demeanor, accept the cup of tea, take a sip, sit quietly and leave after 10-20 minutes.

The calm demeanor is key. One of the basic cultural understandings on the Arabian Peninsula is “don’t make emotional difficulties for anyone you are related to or are friend with.”  You want to keep a calm exterior and help people who you are aligned with keep their calm exterior. In times of grief, this means be stoic to make it easier for the people around you.

When you see a friend/ co-worker/ neighbor who has been hit by a tragedy, don’t bring yourself into the sadness by crying and/or talking about something negative that happened to you – don’t make a person who is grieving comfort you.

Don’t try to memorize the correct Arabic/ Islamic saying, get it wrong, apologize for your mistake, say it again wrong and generally cause a spectacle as everyone jumps in to discuss your language usage. If you aren’t fluent in Arabic, say condolences in your language. It’s fine if use Latin or Klingon. The point is to stand in front of the chief mourner with an attitude of humble respect and quietly say something that sounds reverential, then go drink tea.

There is no perfect thing to say – there is no sentence in any language that can make the death of a beloved person easier to bear. So concentrate on not bothering the living. Don’t ask for anything particular to eat or drink; don’t comment on the food. If you are diabetic, be aware there will probably be a lot of sugar in the tea: raise the cup to your mouth, tilt it slightly without tasting anything and set it back down. Sitting in a respectful stillness for the next few minutes is all that is required of you.

In Islam, the mourning period is 3 days (see below) so if you see a co-worker back at work 4 days after a loss, give condolences if you didn’t go to their house and, even with the kindest intentions, do not suggest that they leave work or ask “it’s only been 4 days, why are you back ?”

A story – I went to give my condolences thinking that the right thing to wear was an abayah (long, black, shapeless cloak) and a sheila (black headscarf). I was the only woman in the room wearing black; everyone else was in dark/ muted thobes (housedresses) with lossis (cotton headscarves). I felt silly, but I did not say a word. If I apologized, then one of the people in mourning would have to try to make me feel better and my mistake was easily understood by anyone who saw me: the foreigner didn’t know what to wear.

As a hypothetical, if for some reason, I went to give condolences in a bright red dress, I would not speak about it to any of the family members, but I would explain myself to someone who was not directly affected, for example a neighbor. As many people come to give condolences (to make sure the immediate family is never alone and no bereaved person has to do basic things like grocery shopping), there are always extra people in the room. Explain to them, not the mourners.

The reasoning is: if you force mourners to forgive you for your mistake, you are forcing them to act as if they noticed your mistake. In a way, you are accusing them of paying attention to insignificant issues.

* In Islam, the mourning period is 3 days. For rulers, the period might be extended with various levels, for example for X days the government office and schools are closed; for Y days there will be only national music on radio stations; for Z days the flags will be at half-mast. Festivals and non-serious events (such as plays) might be canceled. On the Arabian Peninsula, a country’s ruler might declare 1, 2 or 3 days of mourning when another country’s ruler has died; this happened, for example, when Sheikh Zayed passed away. For a widow, the mourning period is four months and ten days during which time she should stay in her house and refrain from wearing bright colors, jewelry, perfume and make-up.

Practicalities of Moving to the Arabian Peninsula: Getting and Sending Mail/ Packages

Ethnography – Staying Calm

Researching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula: Creating Effective Interactions

Leaving Oman: Grief, Grandeur, Museums and Bringley’s ‘All the Beauty in The World’

Geography is Destiny: Growing up in Columbia, Maryland

I grew up in a model city. This does not mean I turned out as a model citizen but my city, Columbia, Maryland, did the best it could. [see also Michael Chabon’s essay on Columbia, “Maps and Legends” in his essay collection with the same title]

Columbia came from a conglomeration of pieces of land bought up by under the direction of James Rouse for the Howard Company Research and Development Corporation. The area, between Baltimore and Washington D.C, was at that time mainly farm land; Rouse planned a “new city” which was supposed to create the feel of a small town but with housing available to people with all ranges of income.

Columbia was founded in 1967 and was built to seem small and friendly. It had curving roads, sidewalks, walking paths, artificial lakes, lots of trees and a “village centers” that would be within walking distance of most of the houses. Each village center was a mixed-use area with a community space/ theater, small stores and a large grocery store as well as restaurant and other amenities such as a library. Schools were also located within walking distances of most housing. All this was gilded with a patina of poetic names. I lived on ‘Open Sky,’ next to ‘Thicket Lane,’ ‘May Wind Court,’ ‘Green Mountain Circle’ and ‘Twin Rivers.’ People from nearby towns called Columbia “Disneyland” in the beginning years.

The idea of creating a community was incorporated into even the smallest detail. Mail was not delivered to houses. To get our mail, we walked across the street to a large box which had cubbyholes for 20 houses. The idea was that you would meet and talk to your neighbors as you picked up the mail every day.

The three main differences between Columbia and most other developments were that Columbia was deliberately built to bring people from different incomes together into the same space. Every village had single-family homes, townhouses, apartments, condominiums and subsidized housing. Thus every school had students from a wide-range of financial backgrounds.

A second difference is that religious buildings were forbidden. There were “interfaith centers” in each village center; each religious groups using the space at different times, i.e. Baptists at nine, Methodists at eleven. Lastly, the Columbia Medical Plan (CMP), an early form of HMO, was set up for residents so that most residents went to the same hospital.

The motto of Columbia is “People Power” and the power came from people who wanted to live in a “willed community,” meaning the people who bought homes there wanted to have neighbors from all economic, social, religious and national backgrounds. In middle school my best friend was from Haiti; in high schools my group of friends included people who were Jewish, Catholic, Hindi, Protestant and atheist.

The crowning touch was that I went through a ‘model’ school system. My elementary, middle and high schools were built ‘open plan’ – no classroom walls. Teachers used flimsy dividers to block off their own area. Students sat in semi-circles; the teachers sat on their desk or roamed around the space. There was always noise from other nearby classes; I enjoyed the setup but it must have been hell for those with ADHD.

The teachers were encouraged to be innovative and let students learn using a variety of methods. In elementary we learned math by using counting sticks. In high school we could work our way through math books at our own pace. We didn’t have lectures in English classes. There were about 45 ‘packets’ – each with a reading assignment and questions to answer. Each student had to do 12 packets in one year. If you powered though, you could finish in one semester, or languish on for 1 ½ years.

My last year, I had a very hip teache, who decided to let me and another student watch THX1138, George Lucas’ first film, a dystopia sci-fi short movie. The teacher wrote up a series of questions and we wrote essays to answer them, a far cry from the usual high school curriculum in 1986. Another teacher was doing research on ‘learning styles.’ My two best friends and I announced that we learned better sitting comfortably, so we appropriated the sofa which had been brought into his class space. We ‘needed’ the sofa to optimize our learning capabilities.

Despite the luxuries I was enjoying, my mom suggested that I finish high school in three years. I looked into it and found I would only need to take one summer school class – English. So that summer I took a bus to another school in town, a real high school. It had hallways. It had windows and classrooms with doors. Amazingly, the chairs were in straight columns, and the teacher never moved from behind his desk. It was a classroom just like I had seen in the movies!

I sat in the last chair, the column nearest the windows, propped up my textbook, set the book I was reading inside it, and read all summer. The best of possible worlds! The teacher’s voice was a low, steady drone from the front of the class; no one was paying attention. There were no creative projects, nothing to turn my brain on for – I was envious of the students who got to “learn” like this all the time! This was what high school was supposed to be!

One result of growing up in Columbia is that as a teacher I make my students sit in a circle so we can all interact. I walk around the classroom. I try to think of creative homework assignments. The second result is that I can read anything anywhere; I can make myself concentrate on any mental task no matter what confusion reigns around me.

The last result is that I don’t really ‘get’ hating someone else because they have a different religion. In this, perhaps inadvertently, Columbia was eminently successful. When I got to college and heard a woman from my dorm disparage another woman because “she was Catholic,” I was surprised. You would dislike someone because of their religion? Really? It seemed so oddly old-fashioned, like living in a house without electricity. Not trusting someone because of their religion? Weird.

I think part of the reason I could live overseas in Germany, Cyprus, the United Arab Emirates and Oman is that I grew up with such a mix of people. Or to be more precise, people from different backgrounds who were happy to live near people from other different backgrounds. As a child, it never occurred to me that I was supposed to fear or hate someone whose appearance, religion, background, language and/or country of origin was different than mine. Not, I hope, in a holier-than-thou sort of way, but I wasn’t taught to fear or hate, so I didn’t fear or hate. People Power, plain and simple.

Navigating Working in USA without Speaking English, part 1

Returning to USA – Culture Shock essays

Culture Shock – Adjusting to American Hand Shakes

Researching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula: Creating Effective Interactions

Culture Shock – Adjusting to American Hand Shakes

part 1 – https://mariellerisse.com/2025/03/15/ethnography-navigating-shaking-hands-on-the-arabian-peninsula/

When I lived in Oman and came to the States in the summer, I always used Arabic expressions in every-day interactions, like saying shukran, (thank you) to grocery-store clerks. When I moved back permanently, I wondered if that would continue. I used Arabic a few times, but quickly stopped; language use was the easiest part of moving back.

I slowly got used to Americans moving around in self-contained bubbles, usually looking at the cell phone, using earbuds to have a conversation or wearing large headphones. The American dislike of interacting with anyone in public is really pronounced in the winter. Boston often has icy sidewalks with one narrow part that’s clear. It makes sense to me that someone wanting to walk by me would just say, “passing on your left.” Then I would shift/ lean to the right, so they could easily get by me. Instead, people suddenly and silently show up at my left elbow. Sometimes they do this awkward maneuver of walking with their right foot on the snow bank and left foot on the clear part of the sidewalk as they stomp by.

And I am still trying to get conversations right. When I came to USA in the summers, I spent almost all of my time talking to family and friends or I was in conversations in which I knew my part, e.g., talking to clerks, buying something, navigating an airport etc.

But now I have all sorts of short conversations with colleagues and acquaintances so things often go pear-shaped. Someone complimented me a few days ago and I still can’t tell is that was really a compliment or an insult. In Dhofar, compliments are often used to point out a fault, so I am wary of positive statements. And for this statement I can’t read the intention of the person who made the comment and I can’t figure out a way to ask, “What did you mean?” Either I would look like I was fishing for more compliments or the person would have to spell out the insult.

I sometimes revert to Omani understandings at the worst possible times and strand myself in embarrassment. A male colleague introduced me to his wife and I cheerfully said, “THE WOMAN!” We chatted for a few moments and, as I walked away, I realized that saying “THE WOMAN!” was NOT the way Americans greet each other.

I stood still and debated what to do. I could walk back to them, apologize and try to do a 5-minute cultural lecture, or keep walking and hope they didn’t notice or would forget and forgive. I kept walking. Sometimes I try to explain but this seemed like one of those times in which the explanation would just make the situation worse.

In Dhofar it’s rude to put someone’s name in public, especially if it is a female family member so all the research guys referred to their wife as “the woman” or “my family.” For example, if a man said, “I will take my family to Muscat,” he meant “my wife and children.” Men know their close friends’ and relatives’ wife’s name, but there is no reason to say it. I would ask some of guys about their wife and kids if we were waiting for other guys to come but not in front of the group.

Only one of the research guys, who was adorably in love, ever said that name of his wife in front of the other men. When I finally met his wife, I said (in Arabic), “THE WOMAN!” and we smiled, laughed and went through the long process of exchanging greetings. By saying “the woman,” I was showing that I did not know her name (although I did) so that she could introduce herself to me. This is not what an Omani would do, but it was my work-around as her husband had told her about me and she had never met a Christian/ North American before (and might have been wondering why I was hanging out with her husband and his friends). I wanted to appear as non-threatening as possible and signal that he had been respectful of his wife by not saying her name.

When I met my American colleague’s wife, I somehow reverted to that situation and repeated the phrase instead of the expected, “how nice to meet you.”

Another hurdle is getting rid of things. In Oman there was always someone who wanted whatever I did not. If I bought cookies, tried one and didn’t like them, I would put them in a bag for the man who cleaned my office or the man who ran messages to different departments. I washed, folded and set out sheets, towels, clothes, shoes and purses for the woman who cleaned my house; the man who watered the plants got blankets and pillows. I recycled cans and cardboard and had a compost heap.

Living in a studio apartment, I do more recycling (yeah Cambridge!) but what to do with Christmas lights that are the wrong color, a pillow that’s too hard, a paint set I won’t use, freebies sent along with a mail-order? I finally started to leave things stealthily on a shelf in the laundry room of my building or in the kitchen at work, like a multi-purpose Easter bunny.

But the worst cultural hurdle for me is handshakes. I spent 19 years avoiding touching a man [ https://mariellerisse.com/2025/03/15/ethnography-navigating-shaking-hands-on-the-arabian-peninsula/ ] and I haven’t been able to get back into the habit.

The first time it happened, I was doing a simple task (like picking up an insurance card) and the man at the desk put his hand out. At the same moment I thought, “I do not want to shake his hand” and “I have to do this.” My primary reaction was unreasonable anger: “Why is this man forcing me to do something I did not want?” yet I also understood he was behaving normally. I was the one who was at odds with the prevailing culture. I managed to get my hand out and shake, but was relieved when I had to move to another clerk. But then when I left, I had to stop by that man’s desk again and, again, he wanted to shake. “What is your problem?” I thought to myself, forcing myself to be polite.

I had many years of verbal greetings and now 2 handshakes within 1/2 an hour! I was miserable and sprayed my hand with sanitizer after I left the building.

Before that day, the last time I had shook hands with a man was the day I left Oman. The Muslim man who drove me to the airport had been a friend for 19 years. As I turned to say goodbye, he put his hand out; we had never shaken hands so I was not expecting him to. I started crying so hard I could not speak; it was such a kind action, to do something against his culture and religion to signal my leaving. What was a simple every-day action by the American clerk at his desk, was a huge, important gesture at the Salalah airport. 

A few weeks after my first American hand-shake, I was in trouble again. A pleasant colleague held his hand out for a fist bump and I froze. Again, I was stuck thinking “I do not want to do this” and “I have to do this and I have to do this quickly or he is going to wonder what is wrong with me.” So, with kind of the same feeling as sticking my hand into a tiger’s cage, I managed the fist bump. 

After a few more fist bumps and a few more weeks of working together, I had a short conversation with him about my reluctance as, if he had noticed my hesitation/ discomfort, I wanted him to know it was not personal. My unease had nothing to do with him; it was caused by almost two decades of carefully avoiding that exact situation.

For the future, I don’t know what I will do. I might get back in the groove and glad hand people like a politician. Or I might retreat back to putting my right hand on my heart. I have told people for years that re-entry can be as difficult as moving abroad. And I was right about that.

Leaving Oman: Grief, Grandeur, Museums and Bringley’s ‘All the Beauty in The World’

Bibliography – Creating Effective Interactions: Researching, Teaching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula (forthcoming, Palgrave MacMillan)

Culture Shock: Bumpy Reentry and Moral Dilemmas

Ethnography – Staying Calm