Ramadan Notes from ‘Researching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula’

I meant to publish this several days ago, but recent events have overtaken the usual quiet, home-based focus of Ramadan on the Arabian Peninsula. I know that many expats are currently trying to leave but I want to put this up as a reminder that, whatever else is happening, it is still Ramadan.

the section on how to behave respectfully during Ramadan from ‘Researching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula’ (2025)

Ask questions about Islam, but frame those questions respectfully. During Ramadan, one male student at the Arabic school where I studied ridiculed a female, Muslim student who was fasting, “She said she was fasting but then I saw her drinking water – she’s a liar!” The woman had her period, so she couldn’t fast but there was no way a woman would tell that to a new, male acquaintance. She was acting appropriately; women act in public as if they are fasting but eat/drink out of sight, then ‘make up’ those days at some point before the advent of the next Ramadan.

Before you leave, look up when Ramadan will fall; Freya Stark (1940) famously made the mistake of not checking before her difficult trip with Gertrude Caton-Thomas. Unless you are Muslim, male, and specifically doing research related to Ramadan/Islam, doing research during Ramadan will probably be difficult. Muslims will be concentrating on prayers and family. You might be invited for iftars (the meal to break the day’s fast) but there probably won’t be time/opportunity to have private conversations/ask questions.

In addition, it’s a good idea to pay more attention to your appearance and behavior. Ramadan is not just about fasting from food from sunrise to sunset; Muslims should also refrain from anything that pulls them away from spiritual reflection, for example being angry, lying, cheating, or listening to non-religious music. You should live in a way that allows everyone else to also concentrate on spiritual matters.

There might be specific laws in your location, but in general I suggest trying to blend in with your surroundings, be it a university, archive, or business. This often means dressing more modestly than usual, e.g., switching from short-sleeved to long-sleeved shirts with rolled up cuffs if you want, tea-length instead of knee-length skirts, less or no jewelry, make-up perfume, etc. Before the month starts, ask if there are changes people often make.

If you are not fasting, keep food and drink out of sight. Don’t leave your bottle of water clipped to the outside of a backpack, put it inside. Various people don’t fast for various reasons (such as being pregnant or ill), so it’s understood and accepted that people are going to eat, just do it behind a closed door or in a hidden corner. Some businesses will set aside a room for non-Muslim to eat meals in or employees will informally co-opt a room, so ask around. If you are in a new space or are the only person not-fasting, try stairwells. Usually there is an empty area at the top of the last flight of stairs.

Behavior in Ramadan relates to two concepts I will discuss further in the sections about tribes and clothes in Chapter 5. First, many cultures on the Arabian Peninsula are tribe-based, meaning it is expected that you will try to fit in to prevailing mores in the same way that people fit into tribal expectations. During the day in Ramadan I cover my hair and the most frequent comment I hear is, “Good, you are with the people.” The fact that I am attempting to blend is seen as positive; yet at the same time there is no expectation that I will adopt every behavior of a Muslim women.

During Ramadan I drink coffee, eat, and play music in my office but my door is always closed. When someone knocks, I drape my scarf over my head, cover my coffee cup with a Kleenex, turn off the music, then call out “Come in.” Everyone knows I am hiding my coffee while they wait outside my door, but in 19 years, no one has complained because I am making an effort to respect the rules and that is sufficient.

The second concept is that people who alter what they wear, what they say, how they act can be viewed with suspicion. Hence, decide if you are going to change anything and what you are going to change, then stick with it throughout the whole month. Dressing modestly one day and not modestly the next is often viewed as worse than dressing non-conservatively because the person is viewed as playing with/making fun of cultural norms. Several years ago, when I decided to wear a head-scarf during daylight hours in Ramadan, I knew that was an irrevocable decision and I have stuck with it. Ramadan creates a framework for my changes and gives a clear explanation of why I am behaving differently.

My last point is that modifying your clothing and behavior (not playing music during the day where people can hear it, not showing anger, not reacting to anger, etc.) helps you navigate smoothly. Yes, sometimes it’s hot to wear a headscarf and sometimes it’s awkward to get it correctly arranged. I hate walking out of the house without lipstick and perfume. On the other hand, these adjustments mean a month without women shooting me angry glances, men acting as if I don’t exist (cutting in front of me in line), clerks pretending that they don’t see me and government officials refusing to help me. When I tell a male student to stop yelling in the hallways, he is not going to backtalk me.

Sometimes other expats show frustration with me and ask “Why are you making your life difficult?” I see my actions in terms of helping to create a peaceful atmosphere. I know it’s silly that I carry my coffee cup at my side or behind my back when I walk to rinse it out in a sink. I know the sight of my coffee cup will not ruin someone’s day, but why should I flaunt the fact that I am drinking? It doesn’t hurt me to be discreet.

A beautiful poem for the beginning of Ramadan

Images of Food during Ramadan – Iftar Humor and Iftar in Beautiful Places

Ramadan Kareem

Ramadan Kareem

Team Thesiger: ‘Arabian Sands’, ‘The Worst Journey in the World’, ‘The Snow Leopard’ and ‘Into Thin Air’

In Arabian Sands (1959) Thesiger recounts his travels on the Arabian Peninsula between 1945 and 1950, including two crossings of the Empty Quarter. In 1997 taught sections from the book in a non-fiction writing class at American University of Sharjah. I did so again when I lived in Salalah and also presented a lecture at the university where I worked: “Thesiger and the Persistence of Cultural Memory: How Arabian Sands Can Help Improve Teaching in Oman.”

Thinking about how the lifeways Thesiger describes are still extant in Dhofar, I then wrote an essay about his book: “Verstehen/ Einfühlen in Arabian Sands: Wilfred Thesiger as Traveler and Anthropologist” (2013).

Hence, I have been on team Thesiger for 30 years. The only travel book I would put as an equal is Apsley Cherry-Garrard’s magnificent The Worst Journey in the World (1922) about the South Pole Terra Nova expedition (1910–1913) led by Robert Scott.

So when my bookclub choose to read Into Thin Air: A Personal Account of the Mt. Everest Disaster (1997) by Jon Krakauer I was the only person not enamored of that book. After reading of Oates’ self-sacrifice and Cherry-Garrard’s warning:

There is no chance of a ‘cushy’ wound: if you break your leg on the Beardmore you must consider the most expedient way of committing suicide, both for your own sake and that of your companions.

It is jarring to read Krakauer describe himself and other stepping over dying people. It is also jarring that he published the book the year after the disaster. I can understand Krakauer wanting to explain his version of the events, but there was no time for reflection

Then we read The Abominable Snowman (1955) by Ralph Izzard, one of those travel books by men who had their own WWII experiences (or someone else’s) in front of them and went to foreign countries as a way to continue (or start) to test themselves. Blind White Fish in Persia Hardcover (1953) by Anthony Smith is a classic of that genre.

Our next book was The Snow Leopard (1980) by Peter Matthiessen. I have read several positive reviews of it, but I was afraid it would be too much of an internal-focused travel book. Like Thesiger (and Cherry-Garrard) there was a space of more than seven years between when he traveled and the publication, but the result is an emphasis on reflection: 1 page of walking to 3 pages of thinking.

The reflections about Buddhism, with digressions to explain the history of the religion, are interesting, but the personal reflections are unsettling. He and George Schaller are both clear that they are glad to be away from civilization, but they are traveling with 14 porters and 4 guides, porters who are carrying all the supplies so the two western men have only “rucksacks.”

Then there is a brief mention of Matthiessen’s wife death, followed a few pages later by a copy of letter from his youngest son and a description of his leave-taking from this boy, leading me to wonder why he was walking around the Himalayas when his son was grieving.

Thesiger and Cherry-Garrard had it easy, no sentimental attachments to pull their thinking back to home. Cherry-Garrard was also working in one of the few landscapes on earth that had no people who he was displacing, nor was he asking (or forcing) anyone to work for him. Thesiger paid the men he walked with, but he also lived by their standards, wearing their clothes, speaking their language and eating what they ate. If they starved, he starved.

Matthiessen has interesting information about Buddhism but after so many comments about how his porters were “childish” and eating the wrong time of day, I started to hope that he would not see a snow leopard. It was petty of me but the whiplash between his mediations and omening with the mountains vs. his scolding the men he was traveling with was jarring. And his creating a mystic “otherness” about one of the men was creepy: his smile meant this and his was thinking that and we are somehow connected and he is my teacher… about a man Matthiessen can’t communicate with but the letters from about his son go unread so as not to spoil the precious mountain atmosphere.

It’s a good book, I can see why it is acclaimed, but I ended my essay “Verstehen/ Einfühlen in Arabian Sands” with:

Thesiger is one of the few writers about southern Oman who has managed to manifest an appreciation of and respect for the local population, as well as convey their beliefs and habits accurately.

Twelve years on, after reading dozens more travel books, I would change that to say

Thesiger is one of very few travel writers who respects and appreciates the local population, as well as conveying their beliefs and habits accurately.

Below is a section from my Thesiger essay and as a side note, books about the Himalayas follow the familiar arc of travel books in English:

1) the Western “first” books

  • High Adventure: The True Story of the First Ascent of Everest, Edmund Hillary, 1955
  • The Crystal Horizon: Everest-The First Solo Ascent, Reinhold Messner, 1989
  • Seven Years in Tibet, Heinrich Harrer, 1952/ 1954

2) place as setting for the creating a persona after WWII

  • The Abominable Snowman, Ralph Izzard, 1955 (adventurer)
  • A Short Walk in the Hindu Kush, Eric Newby, 1958 (humor)

3) place as setting for personal growth/ discovery

  • The Snow Leopard, Peter Matthiessen, 1980 (traveled 1973)
  • To a Mountain in Tibet: A Haunting and Intimate Memoir of Pilgrimage, Loss, and the Journey to Mount Kailas, Colin Thubron, 2011
  • A Glimpse of Eternal Snows: A Family’s Journey of Love and Loss in Nepal, Jane Wilson-Howarth, 2012

4) women

  • Annapurna: A Woman’s Place, Arlene Blum, 1980 (traveled 1978)

5) disaster, place as setting of personal survival

  • Into Thin Air: A Personal Account of the Mt. Everest Disaster, Jon Krakauer, 1997
  • The Climb: Tragic Ambitions on Everest, Anatoli Boukreev and G. Weston DeWalt, 1999

5) fiction, place as background

  • Thin Air, Michelle Paver, 2016, set in 1935; her Dark Matter (2010, set in the Arctic in 1937 is also excellent)
  • The Snow Line, Tessa McWatt, 2021
  • With or Without You, Carole Matthews, 2005

6) the locals speak

  • Beyond Everest: One Sherpa’s Summit and Hope for Nepal, Corinne Richardson and Pem Dorjee Sherpa, 2024

section from “Verstehen/ Einfühlen in Arabian Sands: Wilfred Thesiger as Traveler and Anthropologist” in  Journeys: The International Journal of Travel & Travel Writing (2013)

Tabook, as a member to the community he describes, can be expected to demonstrate Verstehen and Einfühlen; it is harder to understand how Thesiger, as an outsider, also managed to display both understanding and empathy. Thesiger also had an ability to reflect on the why he traveled and what the possible effect of his travels would be. Before the first crossing of the Empty Quarter, an old man comes to his encampment “to see the Christian” (82). His eyes are “bleary” and Thesiger’s companions mock him, but he

wondered fancifully if he had seen more clearly than they did, had sensed the threat which my presence implied–the approaching disintegration of his society and the destruction of his beliefs. Here especially it seemed that the evil that comes with sudden change would far outweigh the good. While I was with the Arabs I wished only to live as they lived and, now that I have left them, I would gladly think that nothing in their lives was altered by my coming. Regretfully, however, I realize that the maps I made helped others, with more material aims, to visit and corrupt a people whose sprit once lit the desert like a flame. (82)

It is clear that Thesiger’s most important attribute is his appreciation of and attempts to comprehend the people he was traveling with. “Above all however his life there is [sic] a measure of the love that he bears to the people among whom he traveled, without which he never would have been able to do what he has done” (Rennell 1948: 21). In his obituary, Maitland (2004) quotes Thesiger as saying “Ever since then [serving in the Sudan Political Service] it has been people that have mattered to me, rather than places” (93). In the Guardian Weekly’s obituary, Asher (2003) writes that “Few other explorers in the last century have tried so genuinely to see the world through the eyes of foreign people” (22).

That Thesiger thought the local people were the essential part of a journey is clear from his (1951) obituary for Bertram Thomas. Thesiger praises Thomas by highlighting the people, not the place: “the measure of his achievement is that he won the confidence of these proud and difficult tribesmen, and with no authority behind him, persuaded them by patience and fair dealing to take him across the Empty Quarter” (199). Of his own travels, he says “My achievement was to win their [his tribal companions’] confidence” (Glancey 2002).

But beyond the personal connection and mutual respect, i.e. Einfühlen, his books are also praised as “invaluable as anthropology” (Woodward 2007). It is his Verstehen, the ability to explain the different cultural features he encountered in a way that makes sense to readers, few of whom have ever been to this part of the world, which makes his book both a classic and valuable. Of course, the main caveat often mentioned is that he has no information on women or settled habitations, but if one takes the book strictly within the terms of ‘male Bedu traveling through the mountains surrounding Salalah, Yemen and in the desert’ Thesiger illuminates life on an almost epic-scale including food, clothing, religion, sickness, death, war, animals, plants, weather, and the importance of family and tribe connections. As someone who has lived in Salalah for seven years, what is most impressive is that after fifty-three years, Thesiger’s book is still an accurate guide to the culture I see every day.

A good anthropologist explains not just the surface appearance of the culture, but the bedrock structure which changes slowly if at all. Southern Omanis I know from my academic life, friends and the men in my research group are fluent in modern technology; they have university degrees, work in the mechanical and computer engineering fields, and travel widely. Yet, time and again, an example of Thesiger’s Verstehen presents itself when I am with them.

When greeting people, the news is always “good” and one has to ask several times, or simply wait awhile, to learn what is actually going on (102). His description of how to eat (86) is a letter-perfect description of how many Dhofaris eat dinner. It is still true that “Bedu have no desire for variety in their meals” (113). While camping it is often mentioned that someone should not relieve himself under a tree (where someone might sit for shade) or on a path (62). I have heard people swear on the divorce oath (169).

Often, when driving with the men in my research group, they will point towards a road or animal that is “right there, so close” that I cannot see and I think of Thesiger not seeing camels or oryx (164, 233). Several times while driving through a wadi at night, a colleague would say to me “go that way.” When I informed him that I couldn’t see his hand to know which way he was pointing, I was answered in lines similar to Thesiger’s companions who told him that “you would have sat there, without seeing them until they came to cut your throat” (233).

Even the remarks I found hard to believe or disliked have come true. At one point, Thesiger asks the Rashid men about crossing the Empty Quarter and Mohammed answers, “We are your men. We will go where you go. It is for you to decide” (219). When I first read this, it seemed a fantastic, wildly romantic over-statement. Then one day I asked the men in my research group where they wanted to drive to on the weekend, and one said, straight-faced and without irony, “You decide and we follow you.” Another time, in trying to decide where to go, one informant said to me, “I am a box,” i.e. a package to be picked up and carried. These were older, married, educated Gibali men and they certainly didn’t mean that I had any control of their lives, but in the specific point of traveling on a certain day – they were happy to leave the choice of destination up to me.

I thought also Thesiger was too tetchy about progress: “I resented modern inventions; they made the road too easy” (278). Then I went camping with a group of Westerners. As usual, I pulled out a sleeping pad, pillow, blanket, knapsack with clothes, small bag of food and a small cooler and set up in about ten minutes. One of the man took over an hour to erect a mini-Waldorf-Astoria complete with three mats, dining table, chairs, food prep table, stove, two mattresses, sheets, blanket and bed cover. When he pulled out a small box full of condiments, three kinds of ketchup, three kinds of mustard, brown sauce, soy sauce, etc., I had to stifle a groan.

Interconnectedness

To take an extended example of the depth of Thesiger’s understanding of the men he traveled with I would like to explore the concept of interconnectedness. Thomas (1932) understands the “corporate consciousness on the part of the tribesmen by which the acts done by or to any member of his tribe are virtually acts done by or to himself, with all the consequences that involves” (67). But the reality is that the interlocked/ interdependent tribal system goes farther than ‘acts’ to include, for example, possessions. Nanda and Warms (2002) explain that “The idea of scarcity is a fundamental assumption of Western microeconomic theory. Economists assume that human wants are unlimited but the means of achieving them are not” (170). This is not the underlying assumption among Bedu and Gibalis. The actuality of scarcity is not perceived as long as someone in one’s social circle has X object. If a brother/ cousin/ close friend has X, then access to X is assumed.

This can be a little heart-stopping from a Western point of view. I once offered a flashlight to a man in my research group and he took it saying, “I know that everything you have is mine.” The male and female informants I worked with would relate waking up to find that their sisters/ brothers or visiting cousins has “borrowed” shoes and/ or clothes. Cash flew from hand to hand; whoever had it was duty-bound to share with those who needed it, even sums as large as several thousand dollars. Cars could be borrowed for weeks or months. The only two items I found that did need to be returned quickly were a khanjar (traditional dagger) and guns which were borrowed to attend wedding parties.

Again and again, Thesiger explains this point from the simple, “no one ever smoked without sharing his pipe with the others” to “Bedu will never take advantage over a companion by feeding while he was absent” (60, 65). He writes “I have never heard a man grumble that he has received less than his share” (86) and how his companions praised a man who had ruined himself by excessive generosity (71).

What is refreshing about Thesiger is he makes it clear that this cultural necessity was grating: “In my more bitter moments I thought that Bedu life was one long round of cadging and being cadged from” (64). Twice Thesiger complains about bin Kabina giving away his clothes because someone has asked for them (137, 315). It is possible, therefore, to see both how the culture is organized and Thesiger’s reaction to that organization.

When, at the end of the book, Thesiger describes the men he traveled with as men “who possessed, in so much greater measure than I, generosity and courage, endurance, patience, and light-hearted gallantry,” it is clear this is not meaningless praise or hyperbole (329). He saw, recorded and reacted to their generosity. The Bedu insistence on sharing comes through as one of the key components of the culture but this is not described in a simplistic, formulaic cliché.

Thesiger shows the unrelenting requests he was subjected to and the inability of the Bedu to refuse a request even if they did not want to agree. He shows himself as the one who gives and the one who takes advantage of the laws of hospitality, i.e. Verstehen and Einfühlen. During his first crossing, he accepts milk from camel herders in the desert: “I drank again, knowing even as I did so that they would go hungry and thirsty that night, for they had nothing else, no other food and no water” (136).

Thesiger from the Omani Point of View

Although most academics would agree with the need to describe the culture with respect, there is a debate within the field about the necessity of communicating the locals’ point of view by using terms that make sense to both the reader and the people described. Thesiger was clearly on the side of living and describing events from the local point of view:  “whoever lives with the Bedu must accept Bedu conventions, and conform to Bedu standards” (52). His method agrees with Geertz’s as explained by Abu-Lughod (1989) “[Geertz’s] ethnography consists in interpreting people’s actions in terms of the interpretations with which they themselves work” (272).

Agreeing with him are, for example, Michrina and Richards (1996) who write in their standard anthropology textbook, “it becomes the anthropologist’s task to give sense to the reader of what it feels like for a native live in his or her culture” (130). Further, Marcus and Cushman (1982) assert that it is imperative that the “ethnographer’s conceptual and descriptive language make (common) sense to his readers within their own cultural framework, but it must communicate meanings to these same readers which they are persuaded would make (again, common) sense to the ethnographer’s subjects” (46). The simplest way to check if this “common sense” has been applied is to give the finished work to members of the culture and ask them to comment.

In the interest of gathering this insight, I asked a group of informants (working with me on a different project) who had read Thesiger’s book in Arabic to discuss their opinions, The three men are Gibali while Thesiger’s Dhofari travel companions were from the Bait Kathir (Gibali and Bedu) and Rashid (Bedu) tribes. Gibali and Bedu cultures are seen as quite similar by outsiders; both communities place a great deal of emphasis on courtesy to guests, self-control, and self-reliance. For example, after researching Southern Omani culture for several years, it is easy for me as a teacher to differentiate students as being from Salalah, from other parts of Oman or Gibali/ Bedu, but I can’t immediately tell the difference between Gibali and Bedu students. Thus, although my informants were not from the tribes which are described by Thesiger, they are culturally close enough to the culture to tell if his descriptions are correct.

Their first reaction was straight-forward and positive: “what he describes is accurate” and Thesiger “was understanding the culture.” When I asked for more details, I was told “I like his hunger,” i.e. my informant respected Thesiger’s willingness to live the same life as the men he was traveling with. Another informant told me that he is “wide” like Bedu and Gibalis, in the sense of being patient, able to accept difficult situations.  On the other hand, one informant’s reaction to reading Thomas’ book was “I didn’t hate it.”

The two negative reactions were perceptions that Thesiger was a government spy and that he was homosexual. No one I have talked to believes he was traveling because of locusts. Neither was my argument that “some people like to travel, he just wanted to see something new” believed. I was told, “His real job was not looking for locusts, sure, [he was traveling] to know the people and lands and the strengths of the tribes to make maps to make the way for oil.”

There was also uneasiness about his sexuality. Thesiger, like T.E. Lawrence, addresses the issue directly, but says that is was not part of the Bedu’s life: “during all the time I was with them I saw no sign of it” (125). The men I spoke to about the book were ready to believe that was true of the Bedu, but not of Thesiger himself. I was asked directly several times if he was gay, based on his careful descriptions of the men, the close-up photos of the men and caring for bin Kabina when he was sick, an extreme example of Einfühlen:

The others crowded round and discussed the chances of his dying until I could scarcely stand it; and then someone asked where we were going tomorrow and I said that there would be no tomorrow if bin Kabina died (189).

Conclusion

Thesiger’s praise of the Bedu seems at times a desire to keep their lifeways intact for his benefit. He could return to British settlements when his “mind was taut with the strain of living too long among Arabs,” but for the Bedu to similarly cross cultures would mean their ruin (266). This is his most important Verstehen, not simply Einfühlen, for this contradiction is experienced by all of the Omanis I have met – not simply nostalgia for the past or childhood, but a sense that modernization has brought both benefits and drawbacks. To most Westerners, especially Westerners I have talked to in Salalah, modernization is only positive. In discussing the changes in Oman over the last 40 years, informants have told me that while life is much better, yet they are also reconstructing a more traditional way of life. One man with a technical job decided to start sleeping outside for months at a time. He would camp, wash himself in one of the open showering rooms [for men only, a shoulder-high, 15-foot square cement square with spigots for men to wash off for prayers and after fishing/ swimming] and then go to his work which involved communicating with satellites. Another man whose father practices transhumance taking care of camels, has an older brother who, after a successful career, now assists the father.

Travel writers roughly divide into Verstehen, with the focus on accurate reportage of language, distances, flora, fauna and closely observed behaviors, and Einfühlen, in which the author’s emotional connections to the place are foregrounded. Peter Mayne’s (1953) The Alleys of Marrakesh, has and is expected to have, a quite different description of a Moroccan suq than Clifford Geertz’s (1979) “Suq: The Bazaar Economy in Sefrou.” Thesiger is one of the few writers about southern Oman who has managed to manifest an appreciation of and respect for the local population, as well as convey their beliefs and habits accurately.

Reflections on Ethnographic Work: The Grasshopper

Predator Anthropologists, Anthropologist Predators: Anthropological Metaphors in Popular Movies

Ethnography – Finding the Middle Ground, part 1 of Discussing Photographs

‘Reflections on Marriage in Dhofar, Oman’ is accepted for publication

 

Reflections on Ethnographic Research: Deciding to Hire Expat Workers (part 1 of 4), repost

A book group I am in recently had an interesting discussion about the ethics of employing porters and Sherpas while traveling in the Himalayas. The conversation about what do you owe the people you employ made me think of this essay, originally published on Sept. 28, 2023.

Overview

By chance in the past few weeks I have read several articles about labor and migration on the Arabian Peninsula such as

  • Gardner, Andrew and Sharon Nagy. (2008). “Introduction: New Ethnographic Fieldwork Among Migrants, Residents and Citizens in the Arab States of the Gulf.” City and Society 20.1: 1-4.
  • Nagy, Sharon. (1998). “‘This Time I Think I’ll Try a Filipina’: Global and Local Influences on Relations Between Foreign Household Workers and Their Employers in Doha, Qatar.” City and Society 10: 83-103.
  • Sarmadi, Behzad. (2013). “‘Bachelor’ in the City: Urban Transformation and Matter Out of Place in Dubai.” Journal of Arabian Studies 3: 196-214.

There are lots of numbers, data sets, opinions and ideas in these texts – but no sense of what it’s like to interact with other expat workers. There is ethnographic work with and about them, but nothing about the writer’s personal economic exchanges: how to hire, discuss and pay wages, decide work load, etc. This isn’t a fault of the articles which have different objectives, but reading these texts made me reflect on my connections to other expat workers, how I manage them and how they manage me.

This essay will talk about my decision to hire help, later essays will talk in detail about some of the people who have worked for me and the types of adjustments that we both make. [The information about wages and dates are from monthly lists of expenses that I have kept since I moved to Dhofar. 1 Omani Riyal is about $2.40; there are 1000 baisa in one Riyal so the 500 baisa bill is worth about $1.20.]

***********

(photo by S. B.)

It is difficult to write about hiring people without sounding complacent, a point that was brought home when I read an ethnographic text about Western expats on the Arabian Peninsula who hired nannies and housekeepers. The author vilified the employers as spoiled, lazy, racist and delusional. The author had obviously never hired anyone to do work for them and had a healthy dislike of those who did.

Writing back against that attitude is not easy. I know I could do all the housework myself but I choose to hire someone to clean my house. This can be seen as indolent but I think it’s more helpful to situate one’s positionality when being critical. “I would never…” is very different than “I have never been in the position to…”.

My decision to hire help is predicated on several lifestyle differences such as how housing designs here allow bugs and sand to enter, the monsoon season and the size of houses.

When I visit my mom in the summer it always takes me a few days to tone down my bug vigilance. “MOM, CRUMBS!!!” I yell on the first morning when I walk into the kitchen and see evidence of sliced bread on the countertop. I quickly rinse the bread board, wipe down the bread knife and inspect the countertops for any speck of bread. Luckily, she has great tolerance for this and within a day or two I mellow out as I remember that a few crumbs on the counter sink will not induce hordes of critters to invade her kitchen.

When I get back to my own kitchen in Dhofar, I return to my watchful ways because I live in a cement block house where ants and cockroaches come out from cracks in the tiling and up from the sink and floor drains. They even crawl out though the electric outlet openings. Twice I have had mice scurry up to my first-floor apartment through the washing machine outtake pipe. There are lizards on the walls, bees flying in through the AC vents and spiders galore.

When I talk about the people I have hired to help me by cleaning my house, I know it can seem like I am lazy. I moved to the Middle East with bona fides of self-sufficiency. When I was a child, I had daily chores and once I lived on my own, I have doing all the cleaning myself. But life is different herein Oman.

For example, I have done my own laundry since I was in 6th grade and it’s simple: put everything in washing machine, then the dryer, fold and put away. But there are no dryers here and my top-loading washer has two bins. You put the clothes in the left-hand side bin, add soap, let it fill with water and turn the knob to agitate the water. Then you let the water drain and lift the sopping wet fabric up and place it in the right-hand bin which spins the water out. Then you hang everything on drying racks, wait for it all to dry, fold and put away. Going to a friend’s house and using her washer/dryer combo in the States makes me ask, “What do you do with all your spare time? Put your clothes in the machine, come back an hour later to find everything clean and dry? It’s a dream!”

Also, my friends’ houses are not in close proximity to deserts. “Sweeping the floor” means one thing in my mom’s house and something very different after a 3-day, 40 kph sandstorm in my Dhofari house where you can see daylight between the window frames and house walls. It’s a joy to sweep in my mom’s house; it takes about 5 minutes and you end up with a tiny pile to discard. After a sandstorm here I need to sweep the entire house and dust everything which takes hours. And there are usually more than 5 sandstorms every winter.

In addition, from June until the end of August, Dhofar has a monsoon season with drizzle and fog on most days. As this is also the time of annual vacation, if there is no one to clean the floors, turn fans on and off and keep watch, mold can grow. I brought a friend home from the airport when she returned to start the school year and when we walked into her living room, her sofas were coated with black mold. When I came back from vacation this summer and opened my car door, the front seats and dashboard cover were green with mold, there were even threads of mold hanging down from steering wheel.

When I lived in Madison, Boston, Minneapolis, and Grand Forks, I had a studio or one-bedroom apartment which was easy to take care of. In Salalah, apartment buildings are usually exclusively expat and I want to live in Omani neighborhoods, which means renting a small house or a floor of a house which are built for extended families. My “small” apartment has a salle, majlis, kitchen, 3 small bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. Friends who have rented houses with 4 or 5 bedrooms just shut the doors of the rooms they don’t use but I would rather hire someone to clean all the spaces.

A related point is that it’s better for me to have a slightly larger place to live as there are fewer “third spaces” here. In the month of Ramadan, for example, cafes are closed until after sunset. In the monsoon season, roads can be so crowded, it’s better to stay home. During Covid lockdowns and curfews I was really grateful I could turn the 3rd bedroom into a work space for on-line teaching. I also like that the woman who cleans my house has a key and can feed the cats if I am away for the weekend camping.

In addition to the calculations of spending time (washing clothes, sweeping, getting rid of mold) vs. spending money (paying someone to clean my house), there is the aspect of how easy it is to get help from someone who wants to work.

When I owned a car in the States, I would wash it now and then but here it is a government regulation that cars must be clean. So I could either spend ten minutes every morning wiping the sand off my truck or I hire someone to do it for me. In most parking lots of large stores, there are expat men who do this work for a small fee. Where I work, there are two men who come every morning to the covered parking area. You can pay them 500 baisa for each cleaning if you want it now and then or 10 Riyal for the month.

There are many such opportunities and I usually much hire and/ or tip everyone both because it makes my life easier and because I have been in need in my own life. I spent years without health insurance because I couldn’t afford it. I have always worked since I was in high school but I had to take out student loans for college. If my older brother had not kindly settled my student loans, it would have taken me at least a decade to pay them off. After the 1997 Red River flood, I ate Red Cross meals for weeks. Having received so much help in my life, I feel I need to be generous.

Every week, I give a money to the people who clean the building where I work and I tip the men who bag groceries. Although it’s not habitually done here, I always tip wait-staff and delivery men. When expat government employees are cutting weeds near my house, I hand out cash and bottles of water. If it’s safe to pull to the side of the road and I have cash in dashboard cubby hole, I give cash to the men who sweep streets. If I have time when there is a team of expat men gardening along the roadside near my house, I will buy cookies, as well as liters of water and soda, and hand them over.

Before I became an Associate Professor, I worked in sandwich shops, restaurants, libraries, a bookstore and an antique store and I can push my own grocery cart. But if I am walking in the parking lot of a grocery store and a man in the jumpsuit uniform of a cleaner walks towards me with his hands extended, I know he is asking to bring my cart to my car for a 1 Riyal tip. So I step away from my cart and let him push – a move that can be seen as being lazy/ exploitative or giving someone a chance to earn extra money.

Reflections on Ethnographic Research: Situating Expat Workers (part 2 of 4)

Reflections on Ethnographic Research: Expat Workers and Reciprocity (part 3 of 4)

Reflections on Ethnographic Research: Expat Workers and Issues of Payment (part 4 of 4)

Frankincense in Dhofar, Oman

I am happy to announce that my new book is now available for pre-order: Ethnographic Reflections on Marriage in Dhofar, Oman

Ethnographic Reflections on Marriage in Dhofar, Oman

(book cover photo and post photo by Onazia Shaikh)

https://anthempress.com/books/ethnographic-reflections-on-marriage-in-dhofar-oman-hb

Examines how middle-class Muslim men and women in Dhofar, Oman, make and negotiate marital choices, tracing every stage of marriage through their own personal accounts.

Studying Marriage in Dhofar, Oman explains the choices middle-class, Muslim, tribal Dhofari men and women make when creating a life together. Based on 19 years observations of and discussions about Omani marriages, the book shows all the steps of marriage, including how people decide to get married, the wedding invitations and parties are arranged, the newlyweds’ home is organised, the work within a marriage is delineated, and a marriage succeeds or falls apart. Unlike many texts about family life on the Arabian Peninsula, the author spoke extensively to both men and women, so that the book is rich with examples of Omanis explaining their personal decisions.

There are no comparable texts which look at the complete scope of a marriage from deciding to marry, to asking to marry, arranging the wedding parties, creating a successful marriage, and coping with stresses such as children, divorce, polygamy and widowhood.

The book starts with a discussion of how a man might find a bride and how a young woman might create or avoid situations in which she would be asked to marry. There is a discussion of how people might fight to (or not to) marry and all the steps taken after the engagement, including sending out announcements and preparing where the new couple will live. All types of marriage parties are described, including taking photos and displaying the gifts. Next, there is an overview of how the couple can create a marital relationship, followed by an examination of what might go wrong in a marriage, which looks at topics such as incompatibility, gross misconduct and divorce. There is a chapter on pregnancy, which includes a discussion on how children are named. The books ends with a short overview of specific aspects of marriage such as who has free time and what ‘family time’ means.

Recreating Culture – Lessons from Bakeries and Cafeterias

Reflections – Dhofari Conversations

Photographs of Dhofar by Onazia Shaikh 

Frankincense in Dhofar, Oman

Back from Ubar or What to Read if You Insist on Staying Home

I am re-reading Apsley Cherry-Garrard’s The Worst Journey in the World (1922), one of my favorite travel books as it is an excellent description of people clinging to ‘civilization’ in difficult circumstances. This is an essay I wrote in 2004 about travel books. 

[O]ur passions are never accidental. We do not by chance…decide to specialize in epaulets  (Evan Connell, A Long Desire)

Friends of mine have a little house on a two-acre island in a small lake in quiet Ontario. I woke up one morning there and realized that from that point on, I would be going back – back in the boat to shore, back in my friend’s van across the border to the bus station, back on a bus to the train station, back in a train to the city where I lived, back on the metro to the station near my house, back in a taxi to my house. It amused me, that from that point I was merely retracing steps. As I was about to walk down to the dock, I realized I was on the very outer limit of the web.

In Women’s Ways of Knowing, the authors posit that women feel more comfortable being in the middle of connections (webs) while men prefer the edge. Perhaps one of the reasons I like traveling and reading about traveling, is that I get to go all the way out to edge and peer over. I rather enjoy edges, that moment you realize the limitations. I like ‘you can’t get there from here’ and all those Italian strikes that keep you stranded for days. I love the moment when the subway car goes underground and the annoying guy yelling into his cell phone suddenly pulls it away from his ear with disgust and shoves it into his bag. You get to the farthest point and there you are, stuck; you now have to wait, turn around, finagle, throw a hissy fit.

If I was going to be perfectly honest about it – I’d say close your computer and go buy Road to Oxiana, West with the Night, Three Men in a Boat, Caesar’s Vast Ghost and The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, but I am so seldom able to make people do what they ought to, even when, perhaps especially when, I know what is best. Those are all real travel books, this is a semi-travel essay. But although I’m not promising enjoyment (go read Mark Salzman), you will get a little edification, like it or don’t.

The question is not now, not ever, “why travel?” The solar system travels, Earth travels, you travel. The question is why travel outside of those tiny, minuscule patches of territory you know. “Ahem,” says a voice in the back, “I have lived in Boston all my life, hardly minuscule.”

But do you know where the Tufts college students party, the best Bollywood theater, the real Italian place in Little Italy, where to get your eyebrows threaded, where the cops drink? Do you know Jamaica Plain and Watertown? A person could live in Back Bay their whole life and never know Quincy. Face it, you don’t really know your hometown. You probably don’t even know your neighbors and, if you haven’t been paying attention, you might not even know yourself.

Yet, traveling is not the way to find yourself in any grand scheme: you go along with yourself and your main insights are ‘I hate grey carpeting’ and ‘McDonald’s has better pancakes than Burger King.’ People are always squawking “Paul Theroux” at me, well read his books – what are his insights? He hates it here. It is dirty and the people aren’t nice. And he also hates it over here. It’s dirty. And, quelle surprise, he hates this other place as well. In addition, he hates it over there, too depressing. And, by coincidence, he is unhappy here as well. The people who are impressed with this are mistaking indigestion for insight.

You will get those (very infrequent) moments of revelation, almost all of which will be exasperatingly saccharine. Like me waking up my first morning in Italy and seeing, through a thick fog, a stone wall which enclosed a grove of olive trees (olive trees!) with sheep grazing underneath.

I went to Corfu, Rhodes, Cyprus, and Provence because I was going to write my dissertation on Gerald Durrell and Lawrence Durrell. Then, I spent the night in a sort of bed and breakfast place in Pathos and realized that after six months, I knew pretty much nothing about the Durrells and I would have to expand my focus to all travel writers. If you can’t fail little – fail big.

Most scholarly books on travel writing take some small selection and examine it closely, such as Janice Bailey-Goldschmidt’s and Martin Kalfatovic’s article, “Sex, Lies and European Hegemony: Travel Literature and Ideology,” which sounds like it covers everything a person would need to know. But is it only about European descriptions of travel in India until 1761.

When I was doing my dissertation on travel writing, I read all over the place: Pausanias’ Description of Greece, 2nd century B.C.; Egeria’s Travels, a European abbess’ account of her travels to the Holy Land c. 385 A.D.; Gustave Flaubert, Isabella Bird, James Fenton, Anthony Smith.

I ran through ’Abdallah ibn Battuta’s Travels in Asia and Africa: 1325-1354; Bernal Diaz’s The Conquest of New Spain, a Spanish soldiers’ account of his part in the defeat of the Aztec empire under Hernán Cortés in 1521; Matsuo Basho’s The Narrow Road to the Deep North, and Other Travel Sketches and Back Roads to Far Towns, a Japanese Buddhist monk’s walking tours from the mid to late 1680s.

I adore the English canonicals: Mary Kingsley’s Travels in West Africa, 1897; Apsley Cherry-Garrard’s The Worst Journey in the World, 1922; Laurie Lee’s As I Walked Out One Midsummer Morning, 1969; Eric Newby’s A Short Walk in the Hindu Kush, 1958.

I read the ones you have to: John Steinbeck’s Travels with Charley, 1962; Bruce Chatwin’s In Patagonia, 1977; Jonathan Raban, Mary Morris, Redmond O’Hanlon, Bill Bryson, and Pico Iyer. And the ones I wanted to: Mark Twain, Mark Salzman, Eric Hansen, Tim Cahill, Calvin Trillin, and Robin Magowan.

It’s a measure of my temperament that I deliberately avoided Meriwether Lewis and William Clark’s History of the Expedition under the Command of Lewis and Clark, 1814 and Alexis de Tocqueville’s Democracy in America, 1841. But I devoured J. R. Ackerley’s Hindoo Holiday: An Indian Journal, 1932; Vikram Seth’s From Heaven Lake: Travels Through Sinkiang and Tibet, 1987; and Anthony Smith’s Blind White Fish in Persia, 1953. What heaven to find No News From Throat Lake by Lawrence Donegan, 2001, Getting Stoned with Savages by J. Maarten Troost, 2006 and Driving Over Lemons by Chris Stewart, 1999.

And then there are the immortals: Gerald Durrell and Lawrence Durrell, Wilfred Thesiger, Dervla Murphy (would someone please knight her? She would probably turn it down but, honestly, the gesture ought to be made); and dear, cranky Amelia Edwards, A Thousand Miles up the Nile, 1877.

I got my Ph.D. and moved to the Middle East to teach. While there, one of the places I wanted to visit was Ubar, a stop on an ancient Arabian trading route whose “refinding” is recounted in breathless, “Entertainment Tonight!” prose in Nicholas Clapp’s The Road to Ubar, 1998. I had thought at one point I was close enough to get to it, but it turned out to be much farther away (slavish attention to maps is the hobgoblin of little minds), but I promised myself that I would figure out how to get to Ubar before I moved back to the States.

This involved finding someone to watch the cat, deciphering out airline schedules, securing hotel reservations, faxing the tour company, getting the right visa: pedestrian, unromantic toils. I woke up on the momentous day and hit the first disappointment, I did not have a “real” tour guide; he was a perfectly pleasant guy, but he wasn’t local and had no good stories. Second disappointment – we weren’t going in a Land Rover. As far as I’m concerned, for land travel it is Land Rover or Land Cruiser pick-up or just stay home.

We drove for hours up through the mountains (I think Eden must have looked like this) and then along through the flat, desiccated landscape until the desert started.

The museum at Ubar was closed, so my guide decided to “show me” the Empty Quarter, the Rub al-Khali, an area of 250,000 squares miles of sand dunes. It is the size of France, Belgium and Holland with sand dunes as high as 925 feet. We continued on the road for a few miles, passed a small collection of derelict buildings, then onto drifting sand where the road disappeared. For about 50 yards. Then the car (did I mention it was NOT a Land Rover?) got stuck. It took us about twenty minutes to get unstuck, then the driver turned right around and we were back on the road, headed back to the hotel.

Perhaps aware that the day was not quite the happy culmination of a year’s hope and expectation, after an hour or so, he pulled off the road, navigating between rock outcroppings until he stopped in front of a small group of stubby, scraggily trees with peeling bark.

“Frankincense!” he exclaimed proudly.

Now this indeed was something. Unexpected and marvelous – to actually see the trees close up, especially since the lore is that they are rigorously guarded. Perhaps the driver took every single tourist to this stand of trees. But it was hidden from the road, without other tire tracks, desolate. A quest fulfilled and an extra, unexpected adventure: it was time to go home. Then I was home and what is there to do at home, except plan the next travel?

Verstehen/ Einfühlen in Arabian Sands (1959): Wilfred Thesiger as Traveler and Anthropologist – 2013

Cultural Refraction: Using Travel Writing, Anthropology and Fiction to Understand the Culture of Southern Arabia – 2009

Research on Travelers and Tourists in Dhofar

“Yemen with Yul,” travel essay published

MIT – “the nicest of geniuses” – knowing the world

MIT – “the nicest of geniuses” – being pleasant and helpful

MIT – “the nicest of geniuses” – explaining

In my book, Researching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula: Creating Effective Interactions (Palgrave Macmillan 2025), I have a section about being “close-to-local” on the Arabian Peninsula if you have managed to do one of several actions, the last of which is: mastered the art of listening politely to people who are making statements that you don’t think are true.

When I wrote that I thought, I need to explain that point further as it could be misinterpreted. I don’t mean: have the ability to listen to liars without reacting. I mean: have the ability to understand that people don’t believe what you believe, and it is not your purpose in life to change their mind. This is a skill I call expat veneer.

If you spend a lot of time living overseas and gaining an understanding of how people see the world differently than you and make different choices that you, you often give up the need to make everyone conform to your expectations. You don’t need to talk (much less argue) about everything; you stay in the safe havens of discussing recipes, interesting places to visit, nice hotels and where to buy mouse traps.

When I left Oman and moved back to the States, I decided to live in Cambridge and try to get a job again at MIT. This seemed like merely prudence, go back to a place I knew and job I had experience in, but when I stated at MIT I felt instantly at home.

It wasn’t just that I was reliving my history – it was that my co-workers had the same kind of expat veneer as my friends in Oman. In thinking this through, I realized that many expats and MIT employees come to the same realization along different paths.

For people who have lived in several different countries, there is no reason to get upset if someone eats X for breakfast or has Y religious creed or wears Z type of clothing. Long-term expats have seen people make all sorts of choices that are antithetical to their beliefs, and they are not interested in fighting over every detail of daily life.

MIT employees, especially academics and administrators who are leaders in their field, know how much time and effort it took them to become an expert and don’t expect others to know the same amount. Further, they are aware that their great knowledge about X is predicated on a great lack of knowledge about Y. You can’t be a leading authority on everything.

Both expats and people who work at MIT have a sense of how large the world is and how many multiples it contains.

Practicalities of Moving to the Arabian Peninsula: How to Sit, Not Wear Shoes and Use Your Hands

Practicalities of Moving to the Arabian Peninsula: Cultural Understandings of Water and Food

Outline and Chapter Abstracts for ‘Researching, Teaching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula: Creating Effective Interactions’

Ethnography – Finding the Middle Ground, part 1 of Discussing Photographs

Research: Article on Theodore and Mabel Bent Has Been Published

I am happy to announce that my article on Theodore and Mabel Bent has been published at: http://tambent.com/2025/08/07/ya-mabel-and-the-duchess-by-marielle-risse/

Abstract: What are the conditions in which ‘imagination and humility necessary to climb into the head of people who live by a very different set of assumptions’ is created? Later travellers to southern Oman have seen and reported only what was most unusual, most foreign and more recent books about the Dhofar region show less understanding of the culture than articles and books written in the 1800s. We will discuss two specific examples of this odd juxtaposition: a Victorian, female traveller who is more accurate about Dhofaris than a modern, female traveller.

Keywords: Dhofar, Mabel Bent, Oman, Qara Mountains, Theodore Bent, travel writing; Jan Morris, Suzanna St. Albans, Wilfred Thesiger

The homepage of the Bent Archive : http://tambent.com/

How NOT to Describe People Who Are Foreign to You: Exoticizing Omanis

Annotated Bibliography of Texts Pertaining to the Dhofar Region of Oman

Cultural Refraction: Using Travel Writing, Anthropology and Fiction to Understand the Culture of Southern Arabia – 2009

Verstehen/ Einfühlen in Arabian Sands (1959): Wilfred Thesiger as Traveler and Anthropologist – 2013

Adjusting to Oman: My Dangerous Taxi

I left Oman exactly one year ago and I miss Salalah every day. This is one of the first essays I wrote about Dhofar, sent to friends in October 2005

When I said I was moving to the Middle East and people asked me, “Isn’t that dangerous?” I replied “Not really.” What I meant to say was “What is ‘dangerous’ is not what you would understand nor what I would I be able to foretell.” Witness my taxi driver.

In many place in the Middle East, taxis don’t have meters and there is an accepted ‘in-town’ fare for ‘just go’ and one for ‘go and come back’ which, considering how long it takes to get a check cashed, find the right form, mail the letter, etc. basically means the driver will wait 10 minutes or so for free. And since usually you are running around trying to get your errands done Thursday morning (ME equivalent of Saturday morning) from 9 to 12, if you have a driver who doesn’t smoke, spit, leer or drive like a maniac, you will often just keep him all morning, giving him one lump sum when he takes you home.

If you find a really good driver (knows some English but doesn’t ask if you are married), you can work out a weekly rate for taking you to and from work every day and Thursday morning errands. As you can’t lease or buy a car without your official visa, which can take up to a month once you are in-country, getting a good driver quickly is essential. This is usually a process of having a lot of bad taxi rides (blaring music; passing on the wrong side; getting lost) until you find a guy you like. The paradox is that drivers who offer to be a regular driver are usually exactly the wrong kind of guy (a “any club who would have me as a member…” issue – you want a taxi driver who does not particularly want to talk to a Western woman, who treats you as one more anonymous fare).

My second night I was in town, I stopped by a schwarma stand (a few tables inside, clean, well-lit) and sat for a few minutes to have my chicken wrapped in pita bread and fresh fruit juice in peace. My colleague, X, walked in by chance so I started to ask him what some of the items on the menu were. X didn’t know what “Maryam” meant in this country and as we were discussing, a middle-aged local sitting at another table, explained the meaning (mixture of orange and mango juice) to X in Arabic. I asked about another term; X asked the local guy, who explained with a few smiles and gestures, fruit juice and frozen ice cream. I tried a third item; X, not interested in my linguistics endeavors, left. As I was paying, the local man introduced himself as N and asked if I wanted a taxi.

I said no, but, impressed that he had kept talking to X, not trying to talk directly to me until X had left, I asked for his mobile number. After he gave it to me, a man walked up to me and asked “You want a taxi,” I laughed, then glanced at N, who met my eye and laughed too. Ah, a sense of humor!

The next day I asked one of the secretaries to call N to pick me up from work. We went to the telephone company – I wanted a mobile, the ne plus ultra necessity of ME life. I had various forms, all of which were rejected by the clerk. N, who had wandered over to see what the problem was, jumped right in. Fifteen minutes of heated discussion later, the clerk agreed I could have a cell phone. Then it was two hours of paperwork and waiting. Once I had the phone chip in hand, back in the taxi. “Could you please take me somewhere to buy a phone?”

This was a request, but also a test – were we going to end up in his cousin’s overpriced House of Cell Phones? Nope, straight to a real store (i.e. you would get a warranty). But the man at the cell phone counter hadn’t shown up for work yet. I told N I would go to the grocery section for 15 minutes. When I returned 20 minutes later, he tapped his watch and said “I have been waiting five minutes!” Part of me thought “give me a break, I have been in-country 48 hours, I don’t even own a coffee cup”; part of me thought “Getting scolded by your taxi guy is a good sign. The more he sees you as a regular person, the better.”

Cell phone man arrives; I pick out a phone; N takes over. He installs the chip, sets the date and time, adjusts all my settings, programs a password, calls my phone and puts his name on my contact list, then calls himself on my phone so he has my number. We are now joined.

I put my groceries in the truck and collapse into the back seat; “Time to go home” I say. N drives off in the opposite direction. I am going to get a tour of the town and there will be a quiz: “This is Water Roundabout. What is the name of this roundabout?”

“Water.”

“Very good.” Then he heads out of town – as in away from all buildings and up a mountain road. Hmmmm, then he turns off the main road and onto a small side road. I contemplate whether I should ask him to turn around, attempt to jump out of the car or scream. I wonder how one calls the police, given that I have a brand-new cell phone in my purse, which for all he I know he has sabotaged. I wonder if this qualifies as “dangerous.”

I don’t do anything – trust? stupidity? jetlag and culture shock and general weariness? Ten minutes later he pulls up at beautiful scenic overlook. “Too much beautiful” he proclaims. Well yes, not that I wanted to go a scenic overlook, but then I hadn’t seen anything of the town yet except the inside of offices, so it was rather nice.

After sufficiently impressing upon me how nice his town was, he pulls into an open air restaurant and disappears for 5 minutes. When he comes back he hands me over a carefully wrapped plate of something. “Fish,” he says with a smile. “Special fish.”

 Then he drives me home. Where I discover it is a plate of grilled beef cubes. Ok.

Two days later we are out for more errands. We go to find me two small lamps, which he insists on plugging in to make sure they work; fuse boxes, which he inspects carefully; plastic bath mats, which he allows me to choose in peace; cleaning supplies, he picks up and looks at, but doesn’t comment on. I’m starving.

He pulls up to a mini-cafeteria, toots the horn and asks me “chicken or egg?” Well that is a Mobius strip sort of question. The guy comes out of his shop and looks at N. N looks at me. OK. “Egg.”

After a few minutes, the restaurant comes back and hands me a wrapped sandwich which is a bun shaped like a hotdog roll, but sweeter, with a chopped up boiled egg, cucumbers, tomatoes, ketchup, mystery sauce and cold French fries – which pretty much covers whatever one could possibly want or need.

 “Nice?” N asks.

Nice indeed.

He has a real job besides taxi driving so he can’t take me to and from work every day, but I call him for errands and for longer missions. When I was stuck at a hotel far from town with 2 obnoxious Brits and a bunch of local taxi drivers who wanted 5 times the going rate, I called N.

“Let’s take one of these taxis and just pay what we want to pay when we get there, not what we have agreed to pay,” said one of the obnoxious guys.

“You can’t do that. And N said he would come, he’ll come.”

“Why would he come all the way here?”

 You can’t explain the intricacies of the taxi relationship to Middle Eastern newbies, so I keep quiet. N comes; the guys start to ask him why the hotel taxi drivers were ‘so stupid’ as to charge so high a price that I ended up calling him instead. N doesn’t understand the question, thank goodness, and I try to steer the conversation to other issues. But both men spend the taxi ride complaining about Middle Eastern taxis and the Middle East in general.

When we drop off the second guy, N gets out a piece of paper to write his mobile number. “No, no, no,” I say softly in Arabic. N looks at me – why am I depriving him of a customer? – but puts the paper away.

As we head to my home, he says accusingly, “I give my number; you say no.”

“Those men too much bad, argue with you, not pay you fair price. My friend, I give your number. Not bad men.”

“Bad men?” He looks at me in the rearview mirror, not quite believing but sometimes you just have to trust across that cultural divide.

“Too much bad men,” I say.

“Ok.” He drives me home then refuses to let me pay him. “I was sitting, no work, you call, I am happy.” I tell him to look over there, he looks, I drop the cash in the front passenger seat. He laughs.

He goes to his village for a week and brings me back a large plate of fresh dates and an indescribably ugly black plastic bath mat.

I call him to ‘go round.’ He picks me up and we drive out of town. I don’t say where I want to go, just that I need to be back home at 6pm. “7pm,” he says. He switches on the English language radio station and, carefully avoiding the herds of camels in the road, drives for two hours – beautiful scenery flashes by. I drink the water and eat the ‘pizza’ flavored potato chips he insisted on buying for me.

I trust N with my life on steep, winding roads with camel obstacles; I trust him as he drives lonely roads hours outside town to places I couldn’t find on a map. I get in his taxi, say “Bookcase” and he takes me to the, by his carefully reasoned standards, the best place for bookcases in town.

When I said I was moving to the Middle East and people asked, “Isn’t that dangerous?”, I replied “Not really.” What I meant to say was “I have a lot of fresh dates in my kitchen I am trying to give away and a very ugly black plastic mat I am trying to discreetly throw away.” What I meant to say is, “May I introduce you to N?”

Practicalities of Moving to the Arabian Peninsula: How to Sit, Not Wear Shoes and Use Your Hands

Practicalities of Moving to the Arabian Peninsula: Dealing with Loss

Ethnography – Staying Calm

Ethnography – Navigating Shaking Hands on the Arabian Peninsula

 

image of small boat in blue ocean seen from above

Practicalities of Moving to the Arabian Peninsula: Navigating Public Spaces

I am happy to announce that my 4th book, Researching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula: Creating Effective Interactions, will be available in June – https://link.springer.com/book/10.1007/978-981-96-5326-3

This book outlines strategies for current or soon-to-be business professionals, government employees, researchers and teachers to communicate, study and work effectively on the Arabian Peninsula. Using first-person accounts, as well as scholarly research from the fields of history, anthropology, political science, travel writing and literature, this book gives clear advice for expats wanting to create successful interactions with people from Arabian Peninsula societies. By discussing how the practicalities of work and research intersect with cultural norms, this book fills the gap between tourist guides aimed at the causal tourists and academic texts on narrowly defined topics.

Navigating Public Spaces – walking

People who come from cultures in which it’s normal and easy to go by foot and/ or public transportation for shopping, work and recreation might have to adjust their expectations. Some mixed-use developments, like the Pearl in Qatar and City Walk in Dubai, are set up for ease of movement, but they are the exception.

Maneval mentions that “streets in contemporary neighbourhoods in Jeddah have been designed for cars and not for pedestrians…Except for a few streets in the old town and its adjacent neighbourhoods, there are no pavements” (2019 180). The same holds true in most towns on the Arabian Peninsula. Home-owners will often pave the section between the house wall and the street to use as a parking space, but there are often no sidewalks. To walk from one house to another, you will constantly move between different types of paving stones, gravel, parked cars, dumpsters and rocky open land.

Sometimes the house takes up all of the land and the house wall is so close to the street that the owner must park in the street. While this isn’t legal, it’s also not complained about and no one would suggest tearing down the house wall to get the cars out of the streets, so although all residential areas are designed with two-way streets, practically-speaking many have only the center of the street open for driving.

The mosque is seen as the center of the neighborhood; men walk to it for the 5 daily prayers if they are in the house at prayer time. This walking is the only time I have seen men walk within neighborhoods. Women do not often go to the mosque, but some will walk around the neighborhood with children as exercise. 

The area around a mosque is usually paved with flag stones where men stand and talk before and after prayers. During Ramadan, this space can be used for iftar, the sunset meal to break the fast, with dates, pastries, fruit with water, juice and/ or butter milk (laban), etc. given free. The space is also used to collect goods during charity drives. 

Many mosques share a side wall with a shop. There might be only one small grocery store or a few shops including a bakery, vegetable store and/ or dry-cleaners. Men can stop and pick up necessities for the house on the way back from prayers and children are sent to get last-minute items for meal preparation or to buy sweets. Many neighborhood mosques have small playgrounds near them.

In commercial areas, there is also usually little walking. While a row of shops with aligned storefronts may have a short, common sidewalk, walking between stores means navigating many different types of paving materials, open spaces and parked cars, with the additional hazard of dripping air conditioners.

Many expats live in high-rise apartment buildings which have small shops on the first floor, e.g. dry clearer, coffee shop, small grocery store, fruit and vegetable store, shoe repair, etc. There is endless duplication so that if your building does not have a shop you need, a nearby building probably will. The clerks in the store can bring whatever is needed up to an apartment and an apartment dweller can pick up whatever is needed on the way to or from work.

Walking for fun is usually done in public spaces set up by municipal governments for recreational purposes, such outdoor shopping malls, walking paths, picnic areas and beaches. As one researcher told me, “You drive to walk.” Meaning, you often need to get into your car to get to a place where it’s fun and comfortable to walk.

Since land is bought and sold in parcels which are developed at different times, you can often find a luxury property next to empty lot which might be used as a garbage tip. There is seldom the cheek and jowl, seamless, block after block of retail stores that you can find in European downtowns. You might park in scrubland then walk in the street to get to your office building or live in an enclave that is surrounded by sandy waste.

No matter what you are wearing, if you are walking in public, you are going to be stared at which can be frightening if you come from a culture in which eye contact from strangers is a sign of danger. Some people love this attention, some hate it – but there is no way to stop it. Dressing immodestly may cause more staring, but dressing conservatively does not prevent it. Wearing sunglasses, walking with someone and not looking at other people can help you minimize the discomfort and there is rarely any overt behavior (such as being followed or called out to), but you are going to be observed and judged at every public appearance. 

Navigating Public Spaces – gender issues

If you come from a culture which does not have a focus on keeping space between men and women in public, there might be some adjustments as you get used to the Arabian Peninsula. There are three basic ways to keep a male/ female separation in public: 1) laws/ government regulations, 2) how the buildings are planned, i.e., built-in elements and 3) people’s individual choices.

For example, some commercial and public spaces have laws such as women-only restaurants or women-only days at a shopping festival or park or women-only wards in a hospital.

Depending on where you are, you might see specific written instructions such as “family area” or “women and families only on Tuesdays.” Some restaurants have the family area upstairs with the entry through a different door. Sometimes the family section is a group of small closed rooms or it is divided from the open section by a low wall.        

Some locations don’t have laws or built-in barriers, but people walk and sit in ways to create gender divisions in places such as the gate area in airports and on beaches. Several years ago my bank started an initiative to have a “women’s only” teller complete with a long, narrow, pink carpet for women to stand on while waiting. Before this, women wearing black abayahs would often cut to the front of the line or stand in line, then men would gesture for them to go to the front. Women who were not conservatively dressed would wait in line but there would be a little extra empty space ahead of and behind them.

The “women’s only line” initiative fizzled out fairly soon (I never saw a woman in the women’s teller space, although there are female tellers) and was eventually replaced with a ticket system in which each person would take a numbered ticket when they arrived and wait for the number to be called. The chairs in the waiting area are not marked in any way, but are always divided by the people waiting with women in one section and men in another.

Similarly, in Oman hospitals and clinics often have ‘women-only’ and ‘men-only’ waiting rooms but you can find people sitting and looking in ways to create privacy for others. For example, a man who is with his mother might sit in the ‘women-only area,’ but stay next to the door. Several times when men in my research group have been sick, I have visited them, sometimes staying for hours in areas marked ‘men-only.’ And I know that sons, brothers, husbands and fathers walk into ‘women-only’ wards to visit female relatives.

In general, both men and women can define their wish to apart by using location and clothing. For example, one woman might choose to sit in the open section of a restaurant, while another pulls the back of the sheila over her face to cover her eyes as she walks to the woman-only section.

And just as there are signals that you want privacy, there are signals that you don’t want privacy, i.e., “look at me” behavior – talking loudly, gesticulating, wearing a lot of perfume and clothes to accentuate shape, this includes men wearing brightly colored and/ or very tight fitting dishdashes.

Sometimes the signal is: “look at me being virtuous,” i.e., preforming conservative beliefs in public in a way that attracts attention so that you know you will to be under observation. For example, in an airplane, some Dhofari women make a very public controversy about refusing to sit next a man; this can be done very loudly with raised voices, blocking the aisle, refusing to sit where asked, arguing with a stewardess, etc.[1]

How privacy works in public areas is not simply the physical set-up, distance or clothing, locals also use deliberate systems of noticing and not noticing to grant a kind of seclusion to others. For example, sometimes Omanis purposefully don’t “see” people who share their space. This can be a way of showing respect; a married man who is walking with his wife in a mall might be ignored by friends who pass him or acknowledge him only with a small gesture such as lifting the eyebrows.

If I am sitting alone in a café, men who know me will often ignore me until either another man from my research groups comes to sit with me or they are leaving the café. What often happens is that they will walk slowly, allowing their friends to go ahead, then come to my table to say hello, while their friends wait outside the door.

A general rule of thumb is that if you are male, learn to make room for conservatively dressed females, even if within your own culture women make way for men. On the walking paths, men need to move to the side to let women pass; on beaches and in picnic areas, if there are women sitting together, it is expected that no man will approach them.

If you are male and accidently bump into a local woman, take up whatever the “I’m sorry” position is in your culture. For many North Americans that means hands up at shoulder-height, slightly away from the body, palms facing the person you touched, while slowly backing up.

If you are female and not dressed like a local, be prepared that some men will refuse to notice your existence, to the point of practically running you over in hallways.

            [1] This can also be done politely and without fanfare. Once, as I stood next to my aisle seat preparing to sit down, the man in the middle seat spoke quietly to his young son at the window, who then switched places with him. The son clearly wanted to be by the window, but the father did not want to sit next to me.