Category: Essays

Using Cultural Understandings to Improve Teaching, part 2

Using Cultural Understandings to Improve Teaching, part 1

Overview

All people have strong memories of their school days. Sometimes these memories become an inviolate template, so that teachers think “X was a great teacher and she did Y so I must do Y also” or “I was a good student and I did Z, so all of my students must also do Z.” Sometimes when teachers say “this is the ‘best’ way to do it,” they actually mean “this is the way my parents did it,” “this is what I am comfortable with,” “this is what is usual in my culture” or “this is what I learned from my teachers.” This might be useful if the teacher is working in their own culture, but such generalizations may not be helpful when working in a foreign country. Actions that might be seen as beneficial, such as using a student’s name in a sample grammar sentence, might be problematic in Oman where students might resist having their name used in public.

I will discuss five common cultural constructions within Oman which can affect student’s behavior. I am specifically not talking about any particular subject of study, but issues related to classroom management and creating a positive, pro-learning atmosphere.

Understanding Cultural Constructions within High Context Cultures

Oman is a high context culture meaning that most learning about proper social behavior is done by observation, not explicit instruction. When a teacher also comes from a high context culture that has different definitions of what good students do, this can lead to unintended confusion. It is much easier when teachers use low context techniques such as explaining all expectations clearly with written explanations and detailed rubrics.

The more organized and confident a teacher is at the start of the semester, the easier it is to create a positive learning environment. To use Krashen’s terms, when a teacher appears confused or uncertain in high context cultures, students’ affective filter is up, meaning that they students might be anxious to focus on learning.

Worrying about new concepts or new types of assignments can block students from being able to work effectively, so teachers should clarify exactly what is expected. For example, one teacher asked students to do presentations but did not specifically say that students would be interrupted with questions. When the first student was asked a question mid-presentation, they froze up and were unable to answer, nor could they finish the presentation. The rest of the class immediately developed sore throats with raging headaches and stated that they were not able to do their presentations.

Understanding Cultural Constructions of “Power” and “Authority”

Some teachers come from cultures in which teaching is very authoritarian. Teachers speak – students listen. Students do not have the right to question what a teacher is doing or why, much less complain about grades or that they have been treated unfairly. Also, some teachers have the idea that since many Omani cultures are based on tribes, that there are very top-down, repressive cultures, e.g. sheikhs speak and people obey.

This is not the case. Sheikhs might have the last word but it is their duty to listen as part of the understandings within tribes is that the person without power gets to state their case, sometimes emphatically and at length. Also, a good sheikh will not issue commands, but talk in an intelligent way so that the people will agree with him or at least agree to follow a specific course of action.  

Oman has many cultures which are oral-based, meaning people talk far more than they read or write. The powerplay of shutting people down without listening to them is rarely used. Further, refusing to discuss an issue can be perceived as being weak. The thinking is: if a person can’t listen and/or debate, maybe it’s because the person knows their case is not defendable. Someone who can’t support their position will try to run away from conversations. Thus a common model of a person in authority is a person who listens and explains their thinking. It is also necessary that their words and actions match each other.

Students expect that their reasons/ excuses will be listened to

Because of this cultural constructions, an Omani student might come to complain or plead for a change in the rule several times. This can frustrate teachers who come from backgrounds in which students should not repeatedly ask for something. In this case, the American communication strategy such as saying “I’m sorry” to defuse a tense situation is helpful, as is setting limits such as saying, “I’m sorry, I would love to discuss this with you but I have to go to class now, I will be back in 1 1 2/ hours and if you are busy then, I will be in my office tomorrow morning at 9am.”

If a student continues to speak, the teacher can restate with questions which will break up the flow of complaints and force students to refocus: “Did I tell you that I wanted to continue the conversation? Did I tell you that I had a class at that time? Did I tell you when I would be back in my office? Did I tell when I would be in my office tomorrow?” The problem is deferred and not escalated.

When a student comes during office hours, I usually write down the exact time they start to speak and let them talk for ten minutes. Then I interrupt and say, “I have listened for 10 minutes, now I would like you to listen for 1 minute.” If I am not going to grant the student’s request to change the rules, I will explain WHY I have that rule, then say, “if you would like to continue to talk, that’s fine, but unless you have NEW information, I need to do some work.” Then I will listen for a few moments, if the student is simply restating their objections, I will start doing desk work such as e-mail and entering attendance without asking the student to leave my office.

Teachers need to explain their reasoning

In some cultures, teachers can make blanket declarations, but it’s easier for students in Oman to have foreign teachers explain the class rules in a clear manner both orally and in writing on the syllabus and on-line teaching program.

One example is that I carefully describe how I grade tests. I turn the cover page over so I don’t see the student’s name. Then I grade all of the first pages together so I can see if students are having any particular problems with one question or if several students have answers that are too similar. Then I re-shuffle the papers and grade all of the 2nd pages, without looking at how a student did on their first page. When I have finished all the pages, I add up the scores and record the grade. I believe the reason I receive very few complaints or petitions about final grades is that I take the time to make sure students know exactly what I am doing with their tests. This allows them to feel more confident that I am being as fair as I can.

A second example happened one semester in which I was given a class to teach and I planned the syllabus alone, thinking I was the only one doing that class. During the add-and-drop period, a second section needed to be opened, but I didn’t know that had happened, nor did the other teacher know I was also teaching the same course. A few weeks into the semester, the fact that the two sections had different assignments became clear and there was some worry that students would complain that my class would be perceived as being more difficult. I said that I felt there would not be any problems because I had spent a lot of time explaining what work I was assigning and why I chose to ask for that work. By taking the time to say why I felt the homework was helpful, students did not feel that they were being treated unfairly.

Do not make false threats

When talking to new teachers, I often give the example of a child crying for a sweet while a parent says no. After a few moments, the parent gives in and hands over the sweet so the child stops crying. The parent has now taught the child to cry. My point is: don’t teach your students to create problems.

Think through realistic assessments and policies for your classes which you can defend. If you need to change something, do it explicitly in front of the whole class, write it on your on-line teaching program and make sure you have a built-in support ready to go. For example, “I was not marking who came to class without the course book but this is turning out to be a problem as many students are coming unprepared, and then bothering other students to share books. This means it’s harder to some students to take notes. So, now I will be checking to see if you have your book and marking that as part of your class participation grade. If you forget your book at home, please come to my office before class and I can lend you a photocopy to use.”

A related topic is that making broad threats only shows students that you cannot be trusted and invites students to attempt to change your mind on ALL aspects of your class. Saying “if you talk during the exam, I will take off 5 points” is not helpful. A teacher who tells students to come to class on time, but then arrives late is teaching students not to trust their words. Some teachers come from cultures in which older people are not expected to always follow their advice, but in Oman the idea of “do as I say, not as I do” can lead to classroom difficulties.

Understanding Cultural Constructions of “Magic Words”

Tied to the above discussion about power, some cultures work with what I term “magic words,” meaning that a teacher can simply say “this will not happen” and (like magic) it does not happen in a manner reminiscent of Gandalf blocking the Balrog by saying, “You cannot pass.” This construction does not work in Oman.

Simply telling students “do not…” will not work effectively. Words have to be connected to specific actions. For example, for a midterm exam, stating “do not cheat” is not useful. A teacher needs to think through the problem and create concrete steps to prevent cheating such as making sure students are seated apart from one another, writing tests with essays questions or having different versions of the test.

Another example is that many students like to solve exam questions in pencil, then go over their answers in pen. This creates a whole series of problems. First, to do this, students will need a pencil, easer and pen. First year students often forget one of those three things, then create havoc by asking loudly to borrow an eraser, etc. Also, some students will not start re-writing until the very end of the exam time, so that you are trying to take exams as students are trying to erase and re-write. If you take the exam still written in pencil, the students are upset and if you give them extra time to re-write, then the other students are upset because they feel that the pencil-using students got extra time.

The way to deal with this is not to say “don’t use pencils” but to be very clear: “If I see a pencil in your hand, I will take it out of your hand.” I also make sure there is blank space on the exam. Once the exam starts, I walk around and take pencils away from students but at the same time, point out the blank space and say, “if you don’t like your answer, cross it out and write a new answer here.” Or if students complain that they circled the wrong answer on a multiple-choice question, I suggest that they draw an arrow to point to the correct answer.

The combination of words, actions and making sure that students know you have thought through the ramifications creates a quiet exam.

Understanding Cultural Constructions of “Patience”

There is a strong Omani emphasis on covering/ hiding feelings and emotions. I believe this is connected to the fact that most Omanis live in multi-generational family homes with 20 or more people. Living in close quarters with so many relatives, creating a peaceful environment is important. This is on contrast to other cultures in which living in nuclear families or alone is common.

Living with so many people requires high levels of patience. For example, if several people want to go on a picnic but one child is sick, the family may delay plans so as not to leave two or three members at home.

Further, in many Omani cultures, getting angry is seen as something that children, not adults, do. A proper adult will not lose their temper but always stay in control of their emotions. Other conceptions of “patience” include not rushing to judge behavior. This means it is usual in Omani cultures to give people second chances and to look at their intentions, not only their actions.

Self-control

Sometimes when I explain the values of patience to teachers, I am told, “But students yell at me! They are not patient” There are a couple of issues at play. One is that the belief that the older the person, the better they should behave, so that a student who loses his temper might think, “I am yelling because I am young, but this teacher is older than me and should not yell at me.”

Perhaps a student is mad because of perceived unfairness, a teacher is requiring something that other students have not done or that other teachers do not ask for (such as coming to class on time). Or a student might be testing the teacher to try to get the teacher annoyed enough to say something wrong, which the student can then use as against the teacher.

So staying calm is absolutely vital. Sometimes the best choice is to explain that you cannot continue the conversation now for X reason, but that you are available to talk at Y time, giving you both some breathing room.

Sometimes you can plan ahead for how to avoid tense situations. You will know that X type of event might induce panic (and hence anger), so you can figure out how to keep a calm atmosphere. For example, the end of exams can be a difficult time for students who do not know the answers. Perhaps, they have been sitting and starting at the exam for over an hour, but when the times comes to give in the paper, they can get upset, try to quickly write something and yell if a teacher tries to take their exam paper. Handled wrongly, the situation can end in tears and/or fury.

Therefore, I make plans to ensure a smooth ending without me having to raise my voice, much less grab a paper away from a student. First, I give verbal warnings about the time such as “you have one hour.” I make those as clear and short as possible, not: “now dear students I want you to know that we have finished half the time and you have one hour remaining.” Simple, short statements are best.

When there is 10 minutes left, I say “you have to finish now, there are ten minutes.” And then when the time is finished, I don’t say, “the time is over, give me your papers.” I say, “time to finish” and then give a count-backwards from 10: 10 – pause – 9 – pause – 8 – pause, etc. When I get to “zero,” I start talking (sometimes singing) very loudly, “let’s go home – let’s go have ice cream – time for tea,” etc. It’s silly and distracting. If someone refuses to hand over their exam, I stand next to them and talk very loudly about how I really want to leave and go have an ice cream. The fact that I am talking loudly means they can’t concentrate; they quickly give up and hand over the paper. The students might be unhappy with how they did on the test, but they do not feel attacked or antagonized.

Believing the Best of a Person

A second issue related to patience is that Omanis often believe a person, especially a younger person, should be forgiven the first time they make a mistake, even if it was a deliberate transgression. Thus Omani students might breezily say “first time/ last time” when, for example, they have cheated on an assignment. A teacher from a culture which believes “do it right the first time” might feel insulted by a student who is not taking a problem seriously. One way to handle these situations is to make a great show of writing down the student’s name and what happened, then saying, “this was your ONE chance to make a mistake. And I have noted it, so if it happens again, then the consequences are…”

Judging on intentions not actions

 Something that has really helped me as a teacher in Oman is that I spent two summers learning Arabic from Omani teachers. Being a student in an Omani-led classroom gave me a lot of insights into how teaching and learning is conceived of in Oman.

I was once, painfully slowly, trying to say a sentence in my Arabic grammar class but the Omani grammar teacher kept trying to help by interrupting me with hints. I got really frustrated and yelled “STOP!” He walked to the corner, turned his back to the class and raised his hands over his head (punishment for misbehaving school kids). The other American and European students were appalled but the Omani teacher was not angry with me because he perceived my intention in yelling was to express my exasperation with myself, not an attempt to be rude to him. The action of yelling was rude, but there was no intention to be rude so we kept a good relationship.

From his comments in class it was clear that, to him, it was less rude to shout from frustration than to play with a cell phone in class or sit silently seething. I was making mistakes and inappropriately yelling, but at least I was trying to speak and learn so I was judged positively.

Some students might work out of the same framework. For example, students might whisper questions to each other while a teacher is talking. If a teacher assumes the talking is social (not class-related), the teacher might become angry, making the students also angry as their intention was not to disrupt the class but to understand something. As always, staying calm is the best idea. A teacher can stop talking, look at the students and ask quietly, “is something not clear?”

Understanding Cultural Constructions of “Shame”

In some cultures, involving students in the lessons is seen as a method of improving learning, thus teachers might ask students to write something on the board or use a student’s name in a sample sentence. This can create issues because Omani students are often uneasy when they are singled out, especially in first year university classes. Having special attention paid to one student can also be problematic as many Omanis have very strong memories.

One former student told me how a teacher had made a comment to her about her new purse, then a few days later used that student’s name in a sample sentence about someone who likes to go shopping. That student assumed the teacher was making fun of her and felt unhappy in the class for the rest of the semester. I am sure that the teacher never connected a compliment about a purse to a grammar example but the former student believed that the teacher remembered every comment made to every student and had used her name on purpose.

This is why I suggest that teachers never use their students’ names in example sentences (you can ask your students for a name of someone not in the class) and be careful about personal comments, even if they are compliments.

 Further, if a teacher wants students to write on the board, bring six white board markers and have six students (same gender) write at one time for the first few days, then have four write, then two, then it’s fine to ask one student to write.

Or if a teacher wants to have students do presentations, first ask all students to stand in the front of the class and say one simple sentence. The next day ask them to say two simple sentences on an easy topic such “your favorite food.” In this way, you can gradually get the students accustomed to talking in front of the class so that presentations will go smoothly.

One teacher asked students at the end of presentation to evaluate their own work. When another student gave a positive evaluation of their work, the teacher said that they were wrong and the presentation was not well done. Then all the other students refused to do any kind of evaluation of their work. A simple way around this is to ask students to write a short response to their presentations listing one aspect that they think they did well and one aspect that that they could improve on.

Using Cultural Understandings to Improve Teaching, part 3

Using Cultural Understandings to Improve Teaching, part 4

Using Cultural Understandings to Improve Teaching, part 1

first of a series of essays about teaching in Oman

Overview

The idea that the “right way” to teach is the way one was taught is very deeply ingrained. When I do orientation sessions for new teachers, I am sometimes surprised that, while teachers know that there will be many cultural differences when they move to a new country, they occasionally expect that students will behave exactly as in their home culture.

The result is that teachers can get caught in tough binary of thinking: either I have to accept this unwanted behavior or the students have to change. This might lead to misunderstandings, then escalate to anger on both sides. When I suggest that teachers make small adjustments, the response is often, “so I have to let students get away with this wrong behavior?”

No, I think teachers should have control of their classrooms, but insisting on creating your own (foreign) culture in an Omani classroom is not possible. Small adjustments can create a positive classroom atmosphere by taking in account local understandings.

For example, when students come late to class in some cultures, they should knock on the door and ask permission to enter. In other cultures, students should apologize and explain why they are late; another scenario is that students enter quietly without speaking to or looking at the teacher. When a teacher from a culture in which apologies are expected is confronted with Omani students who simply walk in and sit down, they can become annoyed and call out to the student.

This may create a problem as the student might feel unfairly persecuted for being made the center of attention. As students have explained to me many times, “students feel shy if the teacher makes all the students look at them.”

In talking about situations like this, I recommend teachers write their late policy on the syllabus, on-line teaching program and announce it in class, then talk to the student after class about the penalties for coming late. In one conversation with a teacher who was confronting this issue, they said, “But the student needs to apologize to me! You are telling me that I should allow them to be disrespectful!”

This reminds me of the Rita Mae Brown quote, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Asking for student apologies for weeks on end and getting angry when an apology is not forthcoming doesn’t help the teacher, the students or the classroom atmosphere.

Allowing students to come in late without noticing them, then enforcing a specific penalty saves time and prevents frustration. Talking to a student at the end of class permits the teacher to continue the forward momentum of the lesson. And if the student starts to dispute about the penalty, the fact that it is time to leave the classroom gives a natural break to the argument. A teacher can say, “I am happy to discuss this more but now I have to teach another class. I will be in my office at 1pm.”

Culture and Pedagogy

When thinking about education I consider the most helpful definition of culture is that it encompasses the objects, actions and beliefs of a set of people who are grouped together by both themselves and others. When I teach classes specifically on culture, I always emphasize to students that they belong to many sets, hence many cultures. For example, a woman might be within the categories of student, sister, Muslim, Omani, artist, daughter, member of her tribe, resident of her neighborhood and that each set carries within in emic and etic expectations of actions (behaviors), objects (for example, clothing) and beliefs.

I have lived in five different countries and what often happens is that locals consider that manifestations of their culture, both simple (what’s the usual time to eat lunch) and complex (what are the steps to getting married) are lucid and natural. On the other hand, a newcomer might be bewildered and confused about how to navigate even easy tasks such as giving a proper greeting or writing a memo.

In Oman, foreign teachers need to both try to understand Omani cultures and be clear about the implicit and explicit effect of their background, experiences and education. It might be self-evident to a teacher that of course work can be turned in up to a week late, but students might believe that work might be submitted weeks or month late. Hence the articulation of expectations is vital when trying to minimize misunderstandings.

The “Third” Option

What I call the “third” option means finding a middle way between a teacher acting exactly as if they were teaching in their home country and allowing students to make all the classroom decisions, which might be antithetical to good learning practices.

The comment I hear often is that “students need to change” but often the issue is cultural perceptions. Sometimes when I suggest that teachers need to adjust I hear comments such as “So I should let students be rude?” or “I should let them do what they want?”

The answer to those questions is “no” but, to me, the most important issue is creating an effective learning environment, not recreating the exact behavior that teachers are accustomed to at home. Attempting to reconstruct another culture inside an Omani classroom will probably leave teachers and students equally frustrated.

Another way to look at this is to remember that that your decisions are in your hands; what is not in your hands is other people’s perceptions and reactions to your choices. You can say I am doing X action for Y reason and this choice means that I am Z. But that might only work among people from your culture; there is no validity in saying that all people must understand that X action means Z. In another culture, X might give a meaning of A.

In one teacher’s culture, a student talking back is seen as rude; but in another culture it can mean the student is positively, actively participating in creating meaning. In one culture, students not looking teachers in the eye is considered polite, in another culture it is rude.

For example, Omani students might ask for a mock exam. In some classes that is a good idea but in other classes, perhaps the teacher doesn’t think it’s necessary which makes students upset. This can lead to situations in which the teacher doesn’t think a practice exam is useful, but gives one to keep students quiet. Or the teacher refuses and the students complain later that their low score was the result of not having a practice exam.

The solution is teachers can make a few, small changes by addressing the root of the problem, thus restoring classroom balance and positivity. Students often ask for a mock exam because they are scared about exams, especially if it is the first class with that teacher. Students may have had teachers who changed the date of the exam, put a new style of question on the exam or asked about topics that hadn’t been covered in class. If teachers look at the issue in terms of ‘my students are fearful’ instead of ‘my students are rude,’ solving the dilemma becomes easy.

When I am getting students ready for my poetry midterm, I literally draw a rectangle on the whiteboard with a series of 10 squiggly lines, one underneath each other. Then I say, “This is what your test page will look like, these lines are a poem, one of the poems we studied in class, but you won’t know which poem.” Then I draw a few more lines underneath spaced a little apart and say, “These are the questions. they will not be true/ false or multiple choice. You have to answer in a complete sentence. You won’t know which vocabulary words will go with which poem. For example, for ‘Skylark’ the questions might be about the narrator, setting atmosphere and finding a metaphor. Or the questions might be about the characters, exposition, rhyme scheme and diction.”

Then I say, “I don’t know how many pages there will be but this is what the vocabulary question pages look like. At the end of the exam there will be questions to compare and the poems to compare will be in the text will be included. And there one or two questions of analysis, for example I will give you two poems and ask you which one is better and why.” If a student again asks for a mock exam, I go through the entire small speech again.

I am not advising to give or not give mock exams. My advice is that when students start to clamor and insist that they don’t understand, explaining something clearly, then repeating the exact same words is often effective. Omani students may show fear in ways that can be read as anger or disrespect; when teachers respond with annoyance, the classroom atmosphere can deteriorate. When teachers show that everything is in hand, for example that they know exactly how the exam will be set up and are willing to share that information, students can stay calm.

Using Cultural Understandings to Improve Teaching, part 2

Using Cultural Understandings to Improve Teaching, part 3

Using Cultural Understandings to Improve Teaching, part 4

Ethnography: Conversations about Men/ Masculinity, part 2

When reflecting about my conversation with the research guys [see: Ethnography: Conversations about Men/ Masculinity, part 1 ] a few themes emerged. First, I know Bristol-Rhys and Osella’s article (full cite below) and my discussion with the research guys is somewhat apples to oranges. I don’t know which questions were posed to elicit the answers discussed in the article. A conversation would go in very different directions if the opening query was: What is a man?, What is a good man?, What is the definition of an Emirati man?, or What should an Emirati man look like and do?

Also, I realized later that I had unconsciously hewed close to Dhofari cultural understandings by not asking about a ‘man’ (much less a ‘bad’ man) but focusing on a ‘good man’ as their conversations almost invariable focus on the positive; negative people or actions are not appropriate topics for discussions.

Given this, it is still interesting that there is a complete contrast between the Emirati answers with focus on appearance [clothing, beard, sandals, the people “he is seen to associate with in public” and looking “bored”] and the Omani answers which only mentioned one physical issue: that a man should sit up straight in the majlis. Further, there was a strong Omani emphasis that you can’t know anything about a man by looking at him, i.e. appearance tells you nothing of importance and even his speech can be deceiving.

This goes back to my first example in my first book which illustrates the Dhofari belief, especially prevalent among the qara tribes, that you can know a person for years but not know their true character. One’s personality is not an compared to the layers of an onion or mountains beyond mountains but is often completely unknowable. So people need to watch each other carefully. One of the worst things that can happen in a person you trust betrays you, so you need to always ready for that kind of surprise.

Another point was consistency of Omani understanding that good men control themselves. In my first book a man, who was not at the group discussion, called this “the quality of the bearable,” meaning the ability to handle your emotions and responsibilities. Thus, on this specific point, 7 men from 7 different tribes all explained the paramount importance of self-restraint.

I want to note that this is in contrast to other possibilities such as an understanding that a good man is strong and able to control others. There were no examples of commanding/ supervising/ managing other people, i.e. a good man has good children, a good man is in charge of people at his work or makes X group of people behave well.

All the Dhofari men I have talked to about this issue have explained that a good man acts politely, generously, helpfully and patiently with others. A good man is outward-oriented; he listens to the talk, he participates in the talk and in a majlis he is always aiming for the middle spot, avoiding both aloof and ingratiating behavior.

Also, it was interesting to me how the men lived out their opinions. For example, one of the research guys who is 15 years younger than me, X, had said that a good man will always respect those who are older than him and try to do their work for them. When we had finished the discussion, I got up and brought a container of cupcakes from my car, then I grabbed a box of Kleenex and started to walk around the circle as we were all sitting a little too far apart to easily hand the container from person to person. X jumped out of his chair and walked towards me with his hands out saying, “I will do this for you,” exactly as he has explained a younger person should act.

For all the differences, there is a broad, underlying similarity between Emirati and Omani responses: an understanding that as soon as you walk out of your house you are on display and may be judged. In the Emirates it seems this is more appearance-based, while in Oman this is more behavior-based.

Although I am not a Gulf, Arab man, I feel both those pressures intensely and when I go to my mom’s house in the summer, I celebrate the fact that I can go out in public without looking professional or constantly monitoring my surroundings. Sometimes when my mom asks if I want to go run errands, I make the freedom I feel explicit by saying, “Yes, let me just go put on a tank-top, long-sleeved sweater and a lined, tea-length skirt; get my hair up in a neat bun; use some anti-frizz spray; pencil in my eyebrows; put on lipstick, perfume and some jewelry…oh wait…I only need my sunglasses! Let’s go!”

In terms of behavior, I find myself scanning every café I go into, even in towns where I don’t know anyone, to make sure there is not as familiar face, as to fail to greet someone is very rude in Dhofar. And one slightly cranky older relative has benefited by my living in Oman because when the research guys heard me mention that this elder relative was a little difficult, I received repeated, lengthy, kindly admonishments to always show respect and never show impatience. When I am back in Oman after a visit I am quizzed on my behavior: Was I always polite and helpful to this relative? Did I always do what was asked of me? Did I always have a calm demeanor? Knowing I will face a gentle court of inquisition about my conduct makes it easier to live up to the expected standards.

article mentioned

Bristol-Rhys, Jane and Caroline Osella. 2016. “Neutralized Bachelors, Infantilized Arabs:  Between Migrant and Host Gendered and Sexual Stereotypes in Abu Dhabi,” in Masculinities Under Neoliberalism. Andrea Cornwall, Frank Karioris and Nancy Lindisfarne, eds. London: Zed.

related articles

Bristol-Rhys, Jane. 2009. “Emirati Historical Narratives.” History and Anthropology 20:2: 107-21.

—.  2007. “Weddings, Marriage and Money in the United Arab Emirates.” Anthropology of the Middle East 2.1: 20–36.

Bristol-Rhys, Jane and Caroline Osella. 2018. Contexts of Respectability and Freedom: Sexual Stereotyping in Abu Dhabi. New Diversities 20.2: 1-20.

Ethnography: Conversations about Men/ Masculinity, part 1

I often bring a quote from another author to the research guys and ask for their opinion. While reading Bristol-Rhys and Osella’s chapter on “Gendered and Sexual Stereotypes in Abu Dhabi” (2016, full cite below) I was struck by how their informants tied the definition of masculinity to clothing:

We turned first to masculinity as it is measured and judged by Emirati men. Through interviews and discussions with Emirati men from 18 to 65 years old, it became clear that physical presentation was paramount.  How a man presents in public is key; he must be in national dress and it must be perfect.

I wondered how the research guys would define what were the qualities of a man so during a picnic dinner, I asked if I could throw out a question and record (by writing) their answers. The six men (from six different tribes) agreed. Since I didn’t know how Bristol-Rhys and Osella framed their questions, I started with “What can you tell about a man by looking at him? Can you tell if a man is good by looking at him?” And the unanimous reaction was “you can’t know from the first time.” It was impossible to tell if a man was good by seeing him, one has to talk to a man to recognize what he is.

The consensus was that best quality of a man is that he is ethical/ moral (athlaq) and one can’t know that without a lot of interactions. As one man said, “I was told that to know a man you must trade with him or travel with him or live next to him.” Thus, by being in business (buying or selling something), going on a long trip or being neighbors you will see a man in enough different situations to come to an understanding of his personality. [To me, this is the Omani equivalent of the Maya Angelou quote: “I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.”]

Then picking up on Bristol-Rhys and Osella’s discussion of behavior in the majlis (full quote below), I asked about how one could tell if a man was good or not from seeing him in a majlis. Again the unanimous decision was that one cannot know from his “talk in the majlis, maybe his talk is good but he is not.” You should “check his speech,” but it’s more important to pay attention to what he does. Specific points about how a good man acts include:

  • When others speak, he listens carefully and listens to all equally (i.e. not paying attention to men who are sitting close to him or have special status while ignoring others) [One man made the particular point that one cannot judge a man in his own house the same way, as in his own majlis a man has “his homework,” i.e. being generous, making sure there is enough tea and food so he might not be able to follow the conversation/ respond as carefully]
  • Speaks, but not too much, i.e. not dominating all the conversation
  • Does not try to give special greetings/ try to sit next to important men but treats all men equally [this point was illustrated by one of the men acting out how a groveling/ fawning man behaves]
  • Does not interrupt others
  • Does not talk badly about others
  • Does not show jealousy or anger
  • Never boasts
  • Never exaggerates
  • Never contradicts or corrects an older man, even if the older man is saying things that aren’t true or is speaking badly
  • If he stands up to get himself tea or water, he is happy to give to everyone (even younger men!); passes food and drinks; acts hospitable
  • Sits up straight (not slouching)

When we finished talked about behavior in the majlis, one of the man stated, “If someone you trust says a man is good, then one should listen [i.e. take it under advisement] but you have to check for yourself.”

Another man added that you can sometimes tell a good man by his talk when he makes statements about his actions. For example, a man is good if his conversation includes statements such as “I will” or “I did”:

  • visit this person who is sick
  • visit this person in the hospital
  • go to this person’s funeral
  • go to this person’s wedding

When I asked, “in general, if there is a man who have met a few times, so you know him but not every well, how can you learn if he is a good man or not?” all the answers hinged on seeing proper behavior such as:

  • Greeting all people
  • Helping all people (for example if a stranger has a flat tire – another man chimed in and said “a good man will help you from the first time,” meaning both ‘even if he doesn’t know you’ and ‘will help without you having to ask twice’)
  • Being generous (for example bringing food or drinks when meeting friends for a picnic)
  • Treating waiters/ people who work in stores politely
  • Being kind to children
  • Having patience (for example if the food is served late in a restaurant)
  • Doing the work/ doing extra work so that older people can “sit and take their rest”
  • Helping the members of their tribe (staying connected socially to people such as helping others when they are sick, going to social events of family members, etc.

One example that I thought was very interesting was one man said specifically, that a good man respects his religion and the religion of others. He gave the example that a good man knows his own religion, i.e. if he is a Muslim, then he should know to pray 5 times a day at the time of prayer.

As the conversation was winding down, three more points were raised. One man said, “a good man has a good heart, he will forgive quickly. If someone says something bad, he will smile and answer quietly.” He continued, “if there is a hard discussion, he will greet you the same the next day.”

Another man said, “a good man will not speak of [meaning “make fun of”] your clothes or your car.” And the last comment was, “a good man is always good with his family.”

As there were no more remarks, I paraphrased Bristol-Rhys and Osella’s conclusions and their reaction was a flat “no.” In his own way, each man expressed disagreement from a head shake to “we do not agree,” “not clothes!” and “we do not think like that.” No one expounded on his beliefs; they did not agree with the opinions of the Emirati men, but they did not feel that they needed to explain their disagreement in detail. I put away my research book and the topic turned to another subject.

I discuss this conversation further in: Ethnography: Conversations about Men/ Masculinity, part 2

Bristol-Rhys, Jane and Caroline Osella. 2016. “Neutralized Bachelors, Infantilized Arabs:  Between Migrant and Host Gendered and Sexual Stereotypes in Abu Dhabi,” in Masculinities Under Neoliberalism. Andrea Cornwall, Frank G. Karioris and Nancy Lindisfarne, eds. London: Zed.

(underlining – my emphasis)

We turned first to masculinity as it is measured and judged by Emirati men.  Through interviews and discussions with Emirati men from 18 to 65 years old, it became clear that physical presentation was paramount.  How a man presents in public is key; he must be in national dress and it must be perfect.  An Emirati man’s kandoura must be immaculate and, unless in winter, it should be gleaming white.  His gutra and agal must be worn correctly and he should not “fiddle” with it as if it were an unusual accessory.   A beard is mandatory and it should be trimmed perfectly (in fact, we were told that a man should have his beard trimmed “professionally” at least 3 times a week) What a man wears on his feet is important as well and it is unacceptable to wear trainers or sports sandals.  There are several acceptable styles, – even Birkenstocks are considered ‘aady (normal) – but the sandals should be white leather in summer.  During winter, darker sandals are acceptable and, if wearing a western style sport coat over a kandoura, then loafers or brogues, worn with socks, are also appropriate.  This critical scrutiny of attire might indicate the success of the nationalist project of Emirati, indeed Khaleeji, dress (cf. Al Qasimi 2010); it was the importance placed on the “correct kandoura” and the “correct sandals” and the “proper way of wearing the gutra and agal” that was emphasized, stressing the cultural competence necessary to negotiate the performative demands of “correctness.”

Cultural competence was stressed again and again throughout our interviews with Emirati men.  “A man recognizes a man by how he enters the majlis,” said one of our interlocutors.  Another man listed carefully the behaviors that are noticed and noted in a majlis.  “We watch how a person enters and then greets the people in the majlis.  Does he know whom to greet first?  Does he recognize those men like the sheikh of his tribe, younger sheikhs of the ruling family, and the men who are important to his father and uncles?”  In addition to knowing who is who, and the order in which important men must be greeted, the greeting itself was also critically assessed. “Does the man use the correct religious phrases in his greetings?  Does he know when to touch noses (ywayeh) and when to only shake hands?”   And a man’s knowledge of his society is judged as well. “In conversation with the men in attendance at the majlis, does he know his tribal history and lineage?  Does he know how his tribe connects – or not – to the other tribes?  All these things must be known well for a man to be thought a man.”  All of these behaviors require knowledge – gendered, culturally specific, and highlight exclusive knowledge – in order to perform them adequately.

Outside of the majlis, in more informal situations and in the public spheres of malls and universities, we learned that a man is measured by how he acts, by those with whom he is seen to associate with in public. According to our Emirati interlocutors, clothing is still important in public spaces because there they are judged not only by Emiratis, but also by foreigners. “We must dress and act appropriately in public because of the image, the image of the Emirati man.”

The young men at the university where Bristol-Rhys teaches have a hierarchy of dress with which they judge each other and establish boundaries between cliques of friends.  First, there are the men who wear only kandoura and gutra/agal to classes.  They describe themselves as “pure Emirati men”.  Then there are those who wear kandoura with an American baseball cap or nothing at all on their head – these are considered “okay Emirati, but too casual” and comments / assumptions usually follow fast that, “their mother is not Emirati.”  The third group is made up of those who wear jeans, t-shirts, and shorts to university; they are scorned by the “pure Emirati” and are only grudgingly accepted by the group who wear baseball caps.   They describe themselves as “trendy,” but others use words such as “fake, wannabe American, or zaalamat, the pejorative term for Levantine Arabs, that has, for lack of a better term, sleazy connotations in Emirati society.  “They try too hard to be seen, and that is not the Emirati way.  We are always supposed to be at ease, we don’t show anxiety, in fact, the best is if you can look bored.”

Reflections on Ethnographic Research: Making Adjustments for Positive Multi-Cultural Exchanges/ Events

(photo by S. B.)

For the first few years I was in Oman, I often went on picnics with mixed groups of Omanis and expats but that gradually stopped as I got frustrated with what I perceived to be situations in which the Omanis were doing all/ most of the work. I started having picnics with just the research guys and the few times I brought an expat, I ended up frustrated or embarrassed by expat behavior such as showing up empty-handed, sitting passively, dominating the conversation and not showing gratitude.

But a dear friend, T, was coming for a short visit and I was sure that she had the temperament to enjoy and appreciate a beach picnic, so I got in touch with the guys. This started a series of adjustments on all sides which illustrate the importance of compromise in effective inter-cultural communications/ interactions.

First of all, the morning of the picnic I told the guys that T did not like fish and asked that they not bring fish for dinner. This is completely out-of-bounds behavior. People who meet up together should never show any preference (or really, any interest at all) in the dinner that someone else will bring. But given that some of the research guys are fishermen, I guessed that they would want to bring freshly caught fish and cook it over the fire as a special dinner. I wanted to stop that as I knew T would not enjoy it and I wanted to protect her from either being hungry or forcing herself to eat a dinner she didn’t like.

On the other side, before we left my house, I told T that wearing long, loose clothing was my way of being respectful and asked if she could please wear one of my long tunics over her pants and t-shirt. I held out a white tunic with a toile print, something she would ordinarily never wear, and she agreed. Then I said that I cover my hair in front of the guys and that while she didn’t have to… She instantly agreed so I grabbed a lossi (headscarf worn with a thobe, the Dhofari-style housedress). Usually you wouldn’t wear a lossi outside the house, but it was 105 degrees, so I thought the light cotton would be the most comfortable choice for her. I knew the guys would say that she didn’t have to, but I also knew they were going to make an effort to bring a good dinner and this was a small gesture she could make to be polite.

When we got to the beach, we set out the mat and then put out cushions, Kleenex and the cooler with water and soda. I made a fire and we chatted until we heard cars. Then we stood up and I draped the headscarf on her and wound mine tightly.

When the guys came to the mat, one began fussing with the fire, setting rocks in two lines which usually means that fish would be grilled. I was disappointed and said to one of the men quietly in Arabic, “she doesn’t like fish!” He said, “there is chicken.” I nodded, then I saw one of the men open a plastic bag with lobster tails, removed from the shell.

I should not have worried. The men had listened to my (unreasonable) request for no fish, but as I had suspected, wanted to bring something freshly caught, so it was lobster. And, as I have never seen them take the meat out of the shell before, I knew they were showing politeness to a guest. [In contrast, the first few times I had lobster with them, they handed me a whole one and I had to twist off its head, pull off the small limbs, etc. – if I wanted to eat a lobster, then I had to deal with the lobster!]

The whole night was a series of modifications on their part – actions I had never seen in over 15 years of picnics. For example, instead of placing their chairs right at the edge of the mat as usual, most of the men sat about 6 feet back. Instead of eating by lights from cell phones or small battery-powered lanterns, one man set up a large, area-light attached to a car battery. Instead of a usual dinner with one dish (rice with meat, chicken or fish), there was a big container of rice and chicken, plus the grilled lobster tails, a salad in a separate bowl and a dessert.

Instead of people dividing themselves into two equal groups (or one-off if there was an odd number) around the two platters, the best pieces of chicken were put on one platter for me, T and one of the research guys, while the other five gathered round the second plate. Half the lobster tails were put on our platter as well. I had forgotten that T might not be used to eating with her hands, but one of the men brought spoons. The man eating with us gave her a spoon, then proceeded to eat his dinner with a spoon, which I have never seen him do before. No one commented on any of these adjustments and T did not comment on the bother of wearing a tunic and headscarf.

T chatted, answered questions, gave profuse compliments and (bless her!) was happy to sit quietly and look at the stars and ocean during the times the men were speaking in Gibali (Jebbali).

I was a little nervous – hoping that there would be a comfortable meeting between my friend of 25 years who was only 2 days into her first visit to the Arabian Peninsula and the research guys, most of whom had never socialized with a North American besides myself but everything worked out well.

By giving up some comfort/ in doing something unusual, we all helped create a positive atmosphere. I am very grateful to T and the research guys for a lovely evening and a lovely example of the necessity of all sides making adjustments to create harmony.

Houseways: Podcast, a discussion with Ahmed Almaazmi and Ayesha Mualla

Houseways: Including/ Excluding Expats in Discussions about Housing

Reflections on Ethnographic Research: Changes within Cultures

Reflections on Ethnographic Research in Dhofar Oman

Reflections on Ethnographic Research: (Not) Asking Questions

New essay: “D͎âd is for Drubbing” on the Arabic alphabet website

The Arabic Alphabet: A Guided Tour – http://alifbatourguide.com/

by Michael Beard, illustrated by Houman Mortazavi

D͎âd is for Drubbing – http://alifbatourguide.com/the-arabic-alphabet/dad/

 excerpt:

If your informant is a speaker of Persian, Turkish or Urdu, and no doubt other languages about which I know even less, Ramadan will be pronounced Ramazan. This is because the D of Ramadan, in Arabic, represents a sound which exists hardly anywhere else, and (like ذ and ظ), it becomes just another way to say Z. Speakers of Arabic are aware they have a letter of their own: Arabic is called لغة الضاد lughat aḍ-Ḍâd, the language of Ḍâd. (For the record, an authoritative article in Wikipedia says that the sound of ض does occur in a few other languages, among them well-known languages like Dutch and Korean.)

As with Ṣâd, it may be useful to know that the tongue is pressed more tightly against the roof of the mouth than with the familiar D of Dâl. The vowel which follows ض sounds broader. The student who is not particularly fastidious about exact pronunciation does not need to know that D͎âd is a pharyngealized voiced alveolar lateral fricative. (Thank you, Wikipedia.) Steingass’s Persian dictionary makes the distinction clear from the Persian point of view, as clear as it needs to be: it is pronounced “in Persian very much like z, whilst in Arabic the pronunciation inclines toward d.”) To my ear, it is not unlike the D in the English word “duh.”

Official English transcription when it attempts to represent the Arabic pronunciation of ض probably deals with the dilemma as well as possible: a roman D with a dot underneath (Ḍ, like the Ṣ in Ṣâd). As for languages where ض is pronounced Z, you have a choice. You could just write Z, as it is pronounced, or, if you want to make it clear which written letter it is, you could write it as you transcribe it, not as you say it (Ḍ plus dot). The International Journal of Middle Eastern Studies, in their official list of equivalents, gives you a widely used way to transcribe ض with languages other than Arabic, which is Ż. It has the advantage that the dot is over the letter (like the dot in ض), but there is also something awkward about it – perhaps because it looks a little like, خ which is flowing and elegant, but a deformed خ made angular and flat. You won’t see it here. I’m going with Ẓ. (Granted, two chapters further on there’s another letter you could render as Ẓ. I’ll take my chances. TBD.)

Arabic includes, altogether, four such emphatic letters, which official transcription into English handles by adding dots underneath: in the standard sequence they occur huddled in a row: Ṣâd, Ḍâd Ṭâ and Ẓâ’ (ص,ض ,ط and ظ), no doubt to show their phonological kinship. All four are variants of other Arabic sounds : Sin, Dâl, Ta and Za (س,د, ت and ز).

Arabic seems to have sounds which didn’t exist in the predecessor languages. (There is evidently no equivalent of ض in Aramaic or Phoenician). Thus the dots over ض and ظ , which seem to be playing the same role as the dots in academic English, to identify newcomers.

The dots which distinguish ص from ض, (or ط, from ظ ) must have some other function than the dots we use in English transcription, since all four are emphatic. Evidently Ḍâd was heard at one time as a variant of Ṣâd, with the dot to differentiate them. I don’t hear the resemblance, but I assume the dots don’t lie.

Culture Lessons From Big Bang Theory

(photo by S.B.)

Earlier this spring I needed to spend a lot of nights at home and wanted something light to watch so I started Big Bang Theory, a 1/2 hour comedy  program that ran from 2007-2019. The main characters are 4 friends: Leonard Hofstadter (Johnny Galecki), Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), Howard Wolowitz (Simon Helberg) and Raj Koothrappali (Kunal Nayyar) who work at a university. Sheldon and Leonard live next to Penny (Kaley Cuoco).

Unlike other ensemble comedies such as Friends, the characters of Leonard, Sheldon, Howard and Raj come from very different backgrounds but they bond over shared ‘universes’ such as similar academic niches, Star Trek, Star Wars, Marvel Comics, World of Warcraft and other massively multiplayer online games.

What I find interesting is the interplay of lessons learned in homespaces (Texas, Nebraska, India), through religions and how characters use their various abilities. People who have understandings of other cultures can stay on top, while those who are dismissive of other points-of-view lose. For example, Penny, who works as a waitress, is insulted by Leonard’s academically-oriented mother, so Penny takes her to a bar and does shots with Dr. Hofstadter, who can’t hold her liquor and does something embarrassing.

Sheldon attempts to control Leonard are thwarted by Leonard’s girlfriend, a lawyer who is from India. Realizing that pre-marital dating is not accepted by Priya Koothrappali’s conservative parents, Sheldon blackmails Leonard into agreeing to his demands by threatening to tell Priya’s parents that she is dating Leonard.

I love how characters sometimes learn to use (sometimes respect) different types of knowledge and skills. Although Sheldon usually belittles Penny, when he realizes that he is not a good teacher he asks her for help. Similarly, Amy, who has also been dismissive of Penny, invites herself to Penny and Bernadette’s get-together by repeating “I’m a girl” as, despite impressive achievements, she has never had a female friend or been on a sleepover. Amy realizes Penny has access to all sorts of knowledge Amy never had a chance to acquire.

Hence, Penny’s lack of intellectual credentials is a source of amusement at first, but gradually becomes unimportant when it’s clear she how much she can add to their lives in other ways, from rescuing Sheldon’s battle ostrich and getting Sheldon a napkin signed by Spock to including Amy in girl chat.

This is fascinating as I am always interested in how people cope (or fail to cope) with new cultural constructs. For example, Sheldon slowly learns some social codes by rote, such as saying “there, there” and offering a hot beverage when someone is upset. This is carried to the point that, when Raj arrives in a depressed mood, Sheldon goes about making him a cup of bullion as he is out of tea. A hot  beverage is required, so a hot beverage of whatever type is available must be given.

Often at the start of an episode, one person will appear to have the upper hand, only to be circumvented by another person’s use of a different kind of power. Sheldon’s eidetic memory helps him win at the card game Mystic Warlords of Ka’a but he is beaten by Wil Wheaton who has a better understanding of people’s motivations.

In another episode, Leonard and Sheldon insult the intelligence of  Zach, Penny’s boyfriend with Howard and Raj looking on and giggling. After Zach leaves, Penny tells the 4 men, “For a group of guys who claim they spent most of their lives being bullied, you can be real jerks. Shame on all of you.”

The 4 friends then go to Penny’s apartment to apologize to Zach and the 5 of them end up going to a comic book store together. Sheldon again insults Zach for wanting to read Archie comics, but then realizes that having Zach join them in a group Halloween costume contest could allow them to win. The person they ridiculed is the person who completes their superhero group; Zach agrees, dons a Superman suit and they win.

It’s a lighthearted comedy but it has good lessons about accepting and learning from people who have different knowledge bases.

Teaching: Reflective Teaching and Motivation

(photo by M. A. AL Awaid)

It is lovely when students who took my classes, graduated and are now teachers in their own right with their own students, come back to chat. We have wonderful talks, reminiscing about old times, funny stories that happened when they were students, teachers who have left, happy memories of Steve Cass and future plans.

It’s good to learn from them about how I was as a teacher, to hear the positive and negative things they remember. A different perspective about effective and not effective instruction methods is always useful and they always help me see my teaching in a new light. It turns out I am not as good as I thought I was about catching students using cell phones in class. But I do amaze students by being able to wrap up class exactly on time – 25 years of practice pays off!

The struggles they have with their students are the same struggles I have. Meeting up gives me a chance to reassure new teachers that teaching has ups and downs and to give examples about choices and mistakes I made when I was teaching them.

One of the things that we talk a lot about is motivation which reminds me of an article I wrote more than 10 years ago:

“Understanding the Impact of Culture on the TESOL Classroom: An Outsider’s Perspective,” TESOL Arabia’s Perspective 18.2, 2011: 15-19. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/277562823_Understanding_the_Impact_of_Culture_on_the_TESOL_Classroom_An_Outsider’s_Perspective

In that text I explain that usually in Omani cultures, it is not polite to make negative comments in public. Thus, if a teacher says “You are bad students” – students will take that to heart, making the classroom more confrontational than it has to be. In some cultures it is expected that teachers raise their voices at students, refuse to answer questions, speak brusquely or use “negative motivation.” These are not effective tactics in Oman.

Former students and I discuss how a teacher’s words are important and that even one sentence can have a huge impact on a student’s life. Many students have told me positive and negative remarks from teachers which either increased or destroyed their confidence.

I have seen teachers declaring “If you don’t study and work hard, you will fail” and students interpreting this as “I will fail you.” Thus, it’s important to phrase motivational statements to be realistic but not defeatist. This means finding a delicate balance between explaining that the student needs to make more of an effort but not making the student feel that success is impossible or disaster is foreordained. It’s a challenge to explain that the choice is in their hands; they have to decide to do the homework, come to class, etc.

Teaching Literature and Staying au courant – The Man from Nowhere and the Ancient Greeks

Reflections/ Research on Teaching Cultural Studies and Literature

Teaching Literature

Communication in Dhofar: Getting Information and (not) Giving Compliments

التحدث – Houseways: Talking Privately in Crowded Rooms – التحدث :على انفراد في الغرف المزدحمة

[I am very grateful to Arooba Al Mashikhi for this translation and to my colleagues Dr. Ali Mohamed Algryani, Dr. Amer Ahmed and Dr. Yasser Sabtan for additional assistance in translating.] first published: Houseways: Talking Privately in Crowded Rooms

 

In an earlier essay, I discussed how rooms were arranged: https://mariellerisse.com/2021/07/03/houseways-comparisons-types-of-rooms-and-sightlines/

ناقشت في مقال سابق كيف يتم – ترتيب الغرف:

https://mariellerisse.com/2021/07/03/houseways-comparisons-types-of-rooms-and-sightlines/

This essay is one of three related pieces about the interplay between behavior and space: how certain behaviors create a need for a certain kind of space (entryways), how a certain kind of space creates the need for certain behaviors (talking in the salle) and the intermix of house design and behavior (front doorways).

هذا المقال هو واحد من ثلاثة مقالات – مرتبطة بالتفاعل بين – السلوك والمساحة: كيف – تولّدُ أنواعٌ مُعينةٌ من السلوك – حاجة لنوع معين من المساحة (المداخل) ، وكيف – يولّدُ نوع معين من المساحة الحاجة إلى سلوكيات معينة (التحدث في الصالة) والتداخل بين تصميم المنزل وسلوكياته (المداخل الأمامية)

A majlis and salle are usually large enough to seat at least 20 people and square/ rectangular with all the furniture pushed against the walls. Houses are built from concrete block and have tile floors, sometimes partially covered with an area rug, thus everyone in the room can see and hear each other – in a sizable, echoing space, how do people manage to have private conversations?

عادة ما يكون المجلس والصالة كبيران بما يكفي لاستيعاب 20 شخصًا على الأقل ومربع / مستطيل مع دفع قطع الأثاث بمحاذاة الجدران. – تُشيَّدُ المنازل من كتل خرسانية ولها أرضيات من البلاط ، وأحيانًا تكون مغطاة جزئيًا بسجادة تغطي فقط جزءاً من الأرضية، وبالتالي يمكن لكل فرد في الغرفة رؤية وسماع بعضهم – الآخر – في مساحة كبيرة ينتشر فيها الصوت ، كيف يتمكن الأشخاص من – التحدث على انفراد؟

Two types of behavior, non-verbal and talking very quietly, [as discussed in: https://mariellerisse.com/2021/07/03/houseways-comparisons-types-of-rooms-and-sightlines/ ], work for short communications such as imparting information, asking a question and giving a command. In this essay I would like to talk about another strategy: Dhofaris tuning out/ turning away/ politely ignoring visitors. This behavior means that people can have private conversations, after the requirements of hospitality and respect have been met, and that a person who is new to the group has time to adjust.

هنالك نوعان من السلوك؛ السلوك غير اللفظي والتحدث بهدوء شديد (كما تمت مناقشته في: https://mariellerisse.com/2021/07/03/houseways-comparisons-types-of-rooms-and- sightlines/

يعملان على التواصل القصير مثل نقل معلومة أو طرح سؤال أو إعطاء أمر. في هذا المقال أود أن أتحدث عن استراتيجية أخرى: كيف الظفاريون  / يرفضون /  يبعدون ويتجاهلون الزوار بأدب. يعني هذا السلوك أنه يمكن للأشخاص إجراء محادثات خاصة  بعد تلبية متطلبات الضيافة والاحترام ، وأن الشخص الجديد في مجموعة ما لديه الوقت للتكيف.

A female Dhofari friend (A) lived outside of Dhofar for several months where she met an Omani woman (X). When A’s brother (B) came to visit A, he met X’s husband (Y). So when X, Y and their children came to visit Dhofar, A invited them to dinner at her house with the understanding that B would host Y in the majlis with other of A’s male relatives and A would host X in the salle with other of A’s female relatives. I was invited as I had also met X previously.

عاشت صديقة ظفارية (أ) خارج ظفار لعدة أشهر حيث التقت بامرأة عمانية (س). عندما جاء شقيق (أ) المدعو  ب لزيارة أ ، التقى بزوج (س). لذلك عندما جاء أطفالهم لزيارة ظفار ، دعتهم “أ” إلى العشاء في منزلها على أساس أن “ب”  يستضيف “ص” في المجلس مع أقارب آخرين من “أ” وأن “أ” ستستضيف “س” في الصالة مع أقارب أخريات من الإناث. . لقد دعيت لأنني التقيت أيضًا  “س” سابقًا

When X and Y arrived, they were greeted by A and B who stood outside the door, then brought to the respective sitting rooms. When X walked into the salle, all the women (X’s mom, sisters, sisters-in-law, and nieces) greeted X and she was led to a sofa in the middle of the south wall, a few spaces down from A’s mom. A sat in the middle of the east wall and I was in the middle of the north wall. The first twenty minutes was the necessary polite, general conversation in which X asked about everyone’s health and everyone asked X about her health, her family’s health, her trip to Dhofar, where she was staying and did she like the hotel while A was offering drinks and snacks to X and her children. The first round done, the second round started in which more specific questions were asked about X’s health, the health of X’s children and female relatives, their trip to Dhofar and X started to ask about how A’s mother was doing and who were the other women in the room. A’s mother was included in all the questions and responses; X looked at her more frequently than anyone else and the other women, including me, listened to everything with polite attention.

عندما  وصل (س) و (ص) – ، استقبلهم (أ) و (ب) الذين وقفوا خارج الباب ، ثم أدخلوهم إلى غرف الجلوس الخاصة بهم. عندما دخلت (س) – الصالة ، استقبلت جميع النساء ( والدة (أ)  ، والأخوات ، وأخوات زوجها ، وبنات أختها) (س) وأجلسوها – على أريكة في منتصف الجدار الجنوبي ، على بعد مسافة قليلة من والدة (أ). (أ) جلست في منتصف الجدار الشرقي وكنت في منتصف الجدار الشمالي. كانت أول عشرين دقيقة محادثة عامة مهذبة سألت فيها (س) عن صحة الجميع وسأل الجميع (س) عن صحتها وصحة عائلتها ورحلتها إلى ظفار وأين كانت تقيم وإذا ما كان يعجبها، بينما كانت (أ) تقدم المشروبات والوجبات الخفيفة لـ (س) وأطفالها. – انتهت المرحلة الأولى ، وبدأت المرحلة الثانية حيث – طُرِحَت أسئلة أكثر تحديدًا حول صحة (س) وصحة أطفال (س) والأقارب الإناث ورحلتهم إلى ظفار وثم بدأت (س) في السؤال عن حال والدة (أ) ومن هن النساء الأخريات في الغرفة. كانت والدة (أ) مشتركة في جميع الأسئلة والردود ؛ ونظرت اليها (س) أكثر من أي شخص آخر ، – وأظهرت النساء الأخريات ، بمن فيهم أنا ، تأدباً في الاستماع إلى كل شيء -.

Then we moved to the dining table (on the south side) to eat dinner, then back to the sofas. A few minutes later, with hands washing after dinner and X given a plate of sweets, there was a gradual change in that A’s mother and other female relatives turned their attention away from X by saying prayers using a misbaha (prayer beads), looking at their phone, talking to children or each other. A and X, more than 1 1/2 hours after X had arrived, were able to talk freely about people they knew/ experiences they had had in common.

ثم انتقلنا إلى طاولة الطعام (في الجانب الجنوبي) لتناول العشاء ، – وبعدها عدنا إلى الجلسات وبعد بضع دقائق ، مع غسل اليدين بعد العشاء و بعد أن قدمت (أ) طبقا من الحلوى ، كان هناك تغيير تدريجي في أن والدة (أ) وقريباتها الأخريات صرفن انتباههن عن (س) من خلال التسبيح باستخدام مسبحة خرزية، والنظر إلى هواتفهم ، والتحدث إلى الأطفال أو بعضهن البعض. (أ) و (س) ، بعد أكثر من ساعة ونصف الساعة من وصول (س) ، كن قادرات على التحدث بحرية عن – معارفهن من الاشخاص و تجاربهن المشتركة.

There were the same number of people sitting in the same places as when X had arrived, but instead of one person talking at a time with X and A’s mother as the twin focal points, now A and X were a dyad. A’s female relatives and I sat quietly, sometimes listening, sometimes talking to each other. As the time to leave grew closer, the talk again became more general with people offering X suggestions about where to go site-seeing and what restaurants to eat at. X was invited back to the house, which she parried with how short their stay was and how they had relatives to visit.

كان هناك نفس عدد الأشخاص الذين يجلسون في نفس الأماكن عندما وصلت (س) ، ولكن بدلاً من تحدث شخص واحد في وقت واحد مع (س) و والدة (أ) كمحاور الحديث ، أصبحن (أ) و (س) ثنائي. جلست مع قريبات (أ) بهدوء نستمع أحيانًا، وأحيانًا نتحدث مع بعضنا البعض. مع اقتراب وقت المغادرة ، أصبح الحديث مرة أخرى أكثر عمومية مثل  اقتراح حول الأماكن التي يجب أن تزورها (س) والمطاعم التي يمكن تناول الطعام فيها. – دُعيت (س) للعودة مجددا إلى المنزل ورفضت ذلك مع قصر فترة إقامتهم والتزامهم بزيارات عائلية أخرى.

In thinking about this visit beforehand, I had thought that it was too bad A and X would not get time alone (such as meeting at a coffee shop) to catch up. But what happened was that A’s family created that conversational freedom for them, without changing the space or their locations, by shifting their attention away. In a room with 10 women and five children, A and X were able to share reminiscences and catch up on mutual acquaintances.

عندما فكرت في هذه الزيارة مسبقًا، كنت أعتقد أنها كانت سيئة للغاية لأن (أ) و (س) لن – تنفردا بإحداهما الأخرى -(مثلما كان عليه الحال لو أنهما – التقيتا في مقهى) للحديث. ولكن ما حدث هو أن عائلة (أ) أوجدت حرية المحادثة لهم ، دون تغيير المساحة أو مواقعهم ، عن طريق تحويل انتباههم بعيدًا. في غرفة بها 10 نساء وخمسة أطفال ، تمكنت (أ) و (س) من تبادل الذكريات و تعويض مافات من الامور المشتركة. .

To look at this issue from another angle, I was once visiting a Dhofari friend when an older female relative (M) stopped by. I had not met M before and was surprised that the younger women (N) with her was wearing elaborate make-up, a lot of jewelry and a highly decorated dress, shorter in front than in usual for normal visiting. My friend looked at me and said, “bride” in Arabic; women who are newly married usually dress up for visits in the weeks after the wedding. N had recently married M’s son and M was bringing N to meet M’s/ N’s husband’s relatives. N sat silently, looking bored, as we spoke; I felt kind of sorry for her as she must have had several of these types of visits with her new mother-in-law.

للنظر في هذه القضية من زاوية أخرى ، كنت أزور صديقة ظفارية عندما توقفت إحدى قريباتها الأكبر سنًا (م). لم أقابل (م) من قبل وفوجئت أن الشابة معها كانت –قد بالغت في وضع مستحضرات التجميل- ، وتلبس الكثير من المجوهرات وفستانًا مزخرفاً  وأقصر في المقدمة من المعتاد في الزيارات العادية. نظرت إلي صديقتي وقالت: “عروس”. عادة ما تلبس النساء المتزوجات حديثًا  بهذه الطريقة للزيارات في الأسابيع التي تلي الزواج. (ن) تزوجت مؤخرًا من ابن (م) وكانت (م) تحضر (ن) معها لتلتقي بأقارب زوجها. جلست (ن) بصمت، متمللة، بينما كنا نتحدث. – اشفقت عليها قليلاً لأنها لابد وأنها قامت بالكثير من هذا النوع من الزيارات مع حماتها الجديدة.

But about two years later I saw that situation from a different angle. A female Dhofari friend invited me to her wedding; I agreed but with some trepidation as I had not met any of her family before. I arrived at the house for the party and her mother took me into the salle. I could hear quiet comments of women “placing me” (telling each other who I was) as I walked around to greet each woman. But once I sat down, all the women ignored me. This might sound negative, but it was very freeing – I was in a tightly packed room with every seat taken. All the women were in pretty, loose dresses with lots of perfume, children ran in and out, maids came around offering tea, coffee, juice and water, as well as snacks – there was lots of see and do. Women who came in shook my hand and the women next to me encouraged me to eat and drink so I did not feel any hostility, just a sense that everyone had collectively decided to leave me alone. After about an hour, the woman next to me asked me a few simple questions, I think to test both my level of Arabic and my willingness to engage. When I answered readily, other women joined in with questions and we ended up having a lovely time – joking about husbands and driving cars and studying.

لكن بعد حوالي عامين رأيت هذا الوضع من زاوية مختلفة عندما دعتني صديقة ظفارية لحضور حفل زواجها. وافقت ولكن بتردد لأنني لم أقابل أيًا من عائلتها من قبل. وصلت إلى المنزل من أجل حفل الزواج وأخذتني والدتها إلى الصالة. كان بإمكاني سماع تعليقات صامتة من النساء يحاولن معرفة من أنا (ويخبرن بعضهن البعض من أنا) بينما كنت أمشي لأحيي كل امرأة. لكن بمجرد أن جلست ، تجاهلتني جميع النساء. قد يبدو هذا سلبيا ، لكنه أشعرني بالحرية للغاية – كنت في غرفة مكتظة كل مقاعدها مشغولة. – كانت جميع النساء يرتدين ثيابًا جميلة وفضفاضة مع الكثير من العطور ، وكان الأطفال يركضون ويخرجون ، وكانت الخادمات يقدمن الشاي والقهوة والعصير والماء ، بالإضافة إلى الوجبات الخفيفة – كان هناك الكثير من المشاهدة والحركة. صافحتني النساء اللواتي جئن ، وشجعتني النساء اللواتي يجلسن بجانبي على تناول الطعام والشراب ، لذا لم أشعر بأي نشوز ، فقط شعرت بأن الجميع قرروا بشكل جماعي أن يتركوني وشأني. وبعد حوالي ساعة سألتني المرأة بجواري بعض الأسئلة البسيطة، وأعتقد أنها اختبرت مستواي في اللغة العربية ورغبتي في المشاركة. عندما أجبت بسرعة ، انضمت نساء أخريات لطرح الأسئلة وانتهى بنا الأمر بقضاء وقت ممتع – المزاح حول الأزواج وقيادة السيارات والدراسة.

As I drove home, I thought about the silent bride (N) and wondered if perhaps what I marked as boredom was relief that the women in my friend’s house had given her the same sort of emotional/ psychological break of ignoring her so she could be with a lot of unfamiliar people without having to make conversation. These were women she would know and visit for the rest of her life and rather than perhaps making a misstep at the start of the relationship, she had the chance to look around, listen to the talk, and start to form ideas/ opinions about the women before being expected to join in.

– وبينما كنت أقود سيارتي عائدة للمنزل ، فكرت في العروس الصامتة (ن) وتساءلت عما إذا كان ما أشرت إليه على أنه ملل هو الارتياح لأن النساء في منزل صديقتي قد أعطوها نفس النوع من الراحة العاطفية والنفسية بتجاهلها حتى تتمكن من التعايش مع الكثير من الأشخاص غير المألوفين دون الحاجة إلى إجراء محادثة. كانت هؤلاء النساء ستعرفهن وتزورهن لبقية حياتها وبدلاً من أن ترتكب خطأً في بداية معرفتهم ، أتيحت لها الفرصة للنظر حولها والاستماع إلى الحديث والبدء في تكوين أفكار و آراء حولهن قبل أن – تتوقع  منها الأخريات – – الانضمام إليهن.

The spaces within a house for visiting are few and large, thus Dhofaris have created a series of behaviors that make accommodations for others. In certain circumstances, everyone will tacitly ignore 1) people who want to talk about someone that is interest only to them and 2) people who they feel might not want to or be able to join in the conversation. Being able to see and hear others in the same room does not automatically mean it is necessary to engage with them, so privacy is possible even in a crowded salle.

المساحات داخل المنزل للزيارة قليلة وكبيرة ، وبالتالي ابتكر الظفاريون– أنواعاً من السلوك لإقامة الآخرين معهم. في ظروف معينة ، سيتجاهل الجميع ضمنيًا أولا، الأشخاص الذين يرغبون في التحدث عن شخص يهمهم فقط وثانيًا الأشخاص الذين يشعرون أنهم قد لا يرغبون في الانضمام إلى المحادثة أو قادرين عليها. القدرة على رؤية وسماع الآخرين في نفس الغرفة لا تعني تلقائيًا أنه من الضروري التعامل معهم ، لذا فإن الخصوصية ممكنة حتى في صالة – مكتظة بالناس.

Another example of creating privacy for others was discussed in https://mariellerisse.com/2021/07/10/houseways-who-visits-which-rooms/ . Women usually return to their mother’s house after they have their first child. One family I know lives in a house with a mother, several unmarried daughters and several married sons and their families. When a married daughter came back to stay for a few weeks with her new baby, she and husband met in the majlis. The husband was not a close relative so it would not be appropriate for him to spend a lot of time in the salle and it was not possible for him to come to her bedroom as this would mean entering the private area of the house. The men in the house willingly did not use the majlis at certain times so their sister’s husband could visit her and the baby alone.

تمت مناقشة مثال آخر لخلق الخصوصية للآخرين في:

https://mariellerisse.com/2021/07/10/houseways-who-visits-which-rooms/

تعود النساء عادةّ إلى منازل – أمهاتهن بعد إنجاب طفلهن الأول. عائلة واحدة أعرفها تعيش في منزل مع أم وبناتها غير المتزوجات والأبناء المتزوجين وأسرهم. عندما عادت الابنة المتزوجة لقضاء بضعة أسابيع مع طفلها الجديد ، التقت هي وزوجها في المجلس. لم يكن الزوج من الأقارب المقربين، لذلك لن يكون من المناسب له أن يقضي الكثير من الوقت في الصالة ولم يكن من الممكن أن يأتي إلى غرفة نومها لأن هذا يعني دخول المنطقة الخاصة بالمنزل. الرجال في المنزل لم يستخدموا المجلس – في أوقات معينة حتى يتمكن زوج أختهم من زيارتها هي وطفلها بمفردهم.

Houseways: Entrance Ways – Form Follows Function; طرق المداخل – الشكل يتبع الاختصاص

Houseways in Dhofar: Placement of Furniture and Sightlines – التقاليد المتبعة في ترتيب المناز بظفار

Houseways: Who Visits Which Rooms? – التقاليد المتبعة في ترتيب المنازل: أي حجرة يحق للشخص الجلوس فيها؟

– طرق الطعام : بحث في ممارسات الصيد في ظفار وببليوجرافيات مختارة – Foodways: Researching Fishing Practices in Dhofar (in Arabic) and Selected Bibliographies

 

New essay: “Ṣâd is for Zero” on the Arabic alphabet website

The Arabic Alphabet: A Guided Tour – http://alifbatourguide.com/

by Michael Beard, illustrated by Houman Mortazavi

“Ṣâd is for Zero” – http://alifbatourguide.com/the-arabic-alphabet/sad/

excerpt:

The shape of Ṣâd shares something with the letters of the Roman alphabet: the appearance of weight, the feeling that it stands, or reclines, rather than floats. Granted, that cushion shape doesn’t look particularly heavy or solid. In fact it looks a little squishy, rounded on the right, flattened down to a point on the left, but it’s wide and substantive enough to have some substance, to function as a base or stand.

The sound in Arabic is not quite that of Sîn. The term for the sound of Ṣâd is S “velarized.” It has to do with the position of the tongue. It feels more emphatic. Non-native speakers of Arabic who don’t always hear the distinction may try focusing instead on the vowel sound which follows it, particularly if the vowel is an A. After Ṣâd, that A is lengthened a little. In other words, ص is pronounced something more like the S in English “sod” than the S in “sad.”) A cunning student might learn to approximate it by lengthening that A before learning how to pronounce the consonant. Textbooks may not say this, but non-native speakers of Arabic who don’t differentiate Sîn from Ṣâd will still be understood. They’ll have a speech impediment, but there are worse obstacles.

In fact your listener may prefer you to have the accent. There is a funny and profound essay by Abdelfattah Kilito in which he confesses to discovering an anxiety in himself: “One day I realized that I dislike having foreigners speak my language…” and adds that the anxiety increases with the fluency of the non-native speaker. “What if this stranger speaks exactly, and expresses himself as clearly as we do?… This person who came from a faraway place causes confusion, not only because he undermines our sense of superiority but also because he suddenly robs us of our language, the principle of our existence, what we consider to be our identity, our refuge, ourselves.” He gives the example of a meeting with an American woman who spoke Moroccan Arabic like a native. He is surprised at his own reaction: “for the first time I felt that my language is slipping away from me, or rather that the American woman had robbed me of it” (Kilito, Thou Shalt not Speak my Language, 87, 91). Perhaps it’s a little like the paradox of animation technology: we admire the skill that makes the image on the screen look real, as it imitates the world outside more and more accurately, but there’s a point beyond which, if the images become too realistic, they start to look a little creepy. I’m not saying you shouldn’t try.

New essay: “Shin is for Saracen” on the Arabic alphabet website

New essay: “Sîn is for Zenith” on the Arabic alphabet website

New essay: ‘Zhe is for Bijan’ on the Arabic alphabet website

New essay: “Za” on the Arabic Alphabet website

New essay: “Ra” on The Arabic Alphabet website