Tag: Oman

Practicalities: Managing a Short Business Trip to the Arabian Peninsula

Researching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula: Creating Effective Interactions, https://link.springer.com/book/10.1007/978-981-96-5326-3

If you travel a lot for business, you should be all set in the Arabian Peninsula – just remember that you never want to do anything to draw attention to yourself. Unless you are a social media influencer, stifle the urge to share details about your life or emote. This is not Italy and this is not the place for hijinks.

If you don’t travel a lot – make sure you have your basics covered for what you need to get good sleep. Jet lag + hot, humid weather + new cultures + no sleep does not usually equal good life choices. Bring what you need: lavender spray for hotel rooms perfumed with oud, eye mask, an app on your phone that makes white noise, painkillers/ aspirin/ Imodium in your purse/ briefcase at all times.

Get a seat towards the front of the plane, be ready to get in the aisle and move as soon as it is your turn, move as quickly as you can to the immigration line – immigration procedures can take 10 minutes or 2 hours, get is line as fast as you can.

Get a duty-free cologne – a good scent is mandatory. People in the Middle East are very sensitive to scents and you do not want to be the reason someone moves places in a meeting.

Unless you are in fashion/ media, you need clean, bland clothes. Remember that locals have worn the same type of outfit in public (black abayha for women/ white dishdash for men) for all of their adult life and most men and women keep their hair covered in public. You will never be able to tell the price differences of these outfits, so stay in your lane: clothes, watch, shoes that you can afford which do not draw attention. I strongly recommend that women carry a pashmina/ shawl with them at all times; the AC can be brutally cold.

Know yourself and know your body – one of the worst-case scenarios is you are tired because of jet lag, drink coffee to wake up and end up so wired you sound like Alvin the Chipmunk. Pace yourself with the caffeine.

No sudden movements, no big movements, no stretches, no cracking your neck or knuckles and for the love of all that is good in the world, no yoga poses in public. Keep your body calm and under control.

Do not bring the focus of the conversation to you – if you are asked your opinion about anything regarding the country you are in, your response is positive and brief. This is not the time to share your experiences or opinions unless they are specifically related to your work.

Do not, whatever the temptation offered, start talking about your hobbies except in the most general sense. Trust me. For example, if you run marathons and someone mentions marathons, do not start talking about marathons. People who run marathons start chatting and within minutes they might be comparing stories of how much they threw up and grisly descriptions of blisters. Understand that people may bring up topics as a way to judge and understand you, so that someone with zero interest in X will mention X as a way to see how you respond. Keep your focus on work.

Do not express surprise or get thrown off track by someone casually mentioning a fact about you that is hidden/ not on your resume/ not widely known. Do not ask, “How do you know that?” Blandly say “yes” and return to work topics.

Do not get tangled up in trying to get all the cultural conventions right; even very small companies will have employees from 20 different countries. Try to hold back and watch what others are doing but if something goes wrong, do not create a fuss. If you are male and try to shake hands with a female who refuses, say “I’m sorry” and move on.

If you are trying to recover from 12 hours in a plane by leaning over to touch your toes, then you straighten up and realize that 5 people have quietly walked into the conference room and are staring at you, say “I’m sorry” and walk over to begin introductions.

If pour a cup of coffee down your shirt, say “excuse me a moment,” go to nearest bathroom and do what you can, then walk back in and resume meeting as if nothing happened.

Keep calm in the face of whatever happens – laugh later, cry later, vent later, scream later. In a business setting – or after-work dinner! –  you should be as emotionally available as an ice-cube. [Note, this is for short business trips. If you work for an extended period or full time, then of course your personality and interests will shine through, however a 2-day/ week-long business trip should be treated as if you are on a long job interview.]

Practicalities of Moving to the Arabian Peninsula: Using the Arabic Language

Practicalities of Moving to the Arabian Peninsula: How to Sit, Not Wear Shoes and Use Your Hands

Ethnography – Staying Calm

Ethnography – Navigating Shaking Hands on the Arabian Peninsula

Practicalities of Moving to the Arabian Peninsula: Using the Arabic Language

Some guides to Arabian Peninsula countries include word lists. In Researching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula [ https://link.springer.com/book/10.1007/978-981-96-5326-3 ] I don’t have word lists for a few reasons.

First, I am not a linguistics person. Second, daily phrases like ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ vary widely across the region. Thirdly, writing Arabic using English letters is not a task I want to wade into. For example, the standard greeting/ response can be written as: Salam alaikum, Alaikum salam or As-salamu alaykum, alaykum As-salamu. One way to say goodbye is: Masalama/ Ma’assalama/ Ma Salama/ Ma’a as-salāmah.

A more over-arching issue is that I have not found many expats who are in the middle, linguistically-speaking. People either have learned Arabic or they never pick up anything. I have known people who lived on the Arabian Peninsula for years and never learned how to say “please” or “thank you” in Arabic.

That being said, here are some helpful words to recognize:

  • Marhaba – hello/ welcome
  • Bismillah – in the name of God, used at the start of something such as a meeting or meal
  • Wallah – vow/ oath, “I swear by God”
  • Khallas – something is done, over (important as it is used to end a negotiation or discussion)
  • Yallah/ Yallah Shabaab – let’s go/ let’s go guys, used to get someone moving, one of the very few things that can be yelled in frustration, like when you are stuck in a traffic jam
  • Min fadlik (please)/ Shukran (thank you)/ Afwan (you’re welcome)

It’s hard to say but I like: Astaghfirullah, used when you see something horrible (the exact meaning is ‘I seek forgiveness from God’ but in Dhofar it is used as ‘I take refuge in God’, when you see a mean person and say it, it’s a kind of protection and very effective for expressing dislike in a pious way)

But the words that are used most commonly are:

  • Alhamdulillah – praise be to God
  • Inshallah – by the way of God, may God allow this to be, God willing (express hope for the future)
  • Mashallah – what God has willed/ that which God wanted (express gratitude for what is)
  • Subhanallah – glory be to God

Alhamdulillah is used as celebration/ I am so happy to hear this good news/ what a wonderful thing has occurred, but it is also used in the face to something terrible as a way to remember that God is present in everything. I have heard people say “say Alhamdulillah” before giving bad news as a way to help the receiver of ill tidings not give in to despair.

Inshallah is used for any future plan, as in “I’ll see you tomorrow” – Inshallah.

Mashallah is used for praise, anytime you say anything positive about anything or anyone, you need a Mashallah to show that the good come from God (if you know Greek myths, you understand the construction of humans not taking the credit)

Subhanallah – in Dhofar, this is used often as an expression of surprise, wonderment, relief, sudden good fortune

Yet knowing these words is less than half the linguistic battle. To go off topic for a moment, when I studied at the Rhenish Friedrich Wilhelm University of Bonn for my junior year of college, I took a class on Russian drama because I had never read one. German universities give collective exams after 3 years of study, but since I was transferring back to Madison, I had to go to the professor’s office and have an oral exam at the end of the semester. One of his questions was “What is distinctive about Chekhov’s dramas?” I answered the best I could, but I did not get the right answer which was the pauses between when actors speak. I had no idea about this feature as I had only read the plays; I had never seen one performed.

That’s somewhat similar to trying to use these words correctly, it’s not just knowing when to say which word but that the words are often repeated back and forth.

If someone tells a story and ends with Alhamdulillah, often someone else will repeat the phrase. Then someone else might say Alhamdulillah, or the original speaker might say Alhamdulillah again. In the same manner, Mashallah might be said back and forth. If you are not used to this pattern or to a call-and-response verbal culture, it can get confusing.

If you will need a professional level of Arabic, you might be using the Alif Baa (Brustad et al. 2019) series. For learning on my own, I used the books by Jane Wightwick and Mahmoud Gaafar (2021) which are more fun and practical. Their Arabic language learning books have everyday vocabulary and realistic practice conversations with a wide variety of reading, writing, speaking, and listening exercises. They also have beginning- and intermediate-level texts specifically on Arabic grammar, writing, conjugating verbs, etc., which can be used for solo learners.

Ethnography – Finding the Middle Ground, part 1 of Discussing Photographs

New Essay: “Ṭâ Is For Talisman” on The Arabic Alphabet website

Practicalities of Moving to the Arabian Peninsula: Navigating Public Spaces

Leaving Oman: Grief, Grandeur, Museums and Bringley’s ‘All the Beauty in The World’

Ethnography – Whatever You Do, Don’t Smile, part 2 of Discussing Photographs

Part 1: Ethnography – Finding the Middle Ground, part 1 of Discussing Photographs

Every so often in ethnographic work you hit a cultural construction which, as broad-minded as you want to be, just hits you as wrong. One of the blocks for me is the Dhofari cultural construct of not smiling in wedding photos.

The first time I saw a wedding album I was shocked – photo after photo of people looking stone-faced. When I remarked that no one was smiling, I was told that a bride should not look glad that she is leaving her family. That has changed a little for women in the last 20 years, but for men looking serious is still key.

On their wedding party announcements/ invitations, men often use a professional photographer and try to look as impressive as possible with a good shave and stern expression. They might borrow a bisht (a sleeveless cloak made of transparent black- or gold-colored cloth), expensive masar (headscarf), gold pen (to tuck into the placket) and/ or sword in engraved silver sheath.

At the groom’s wedding party, friends and brothers will take photos which are the record of the event that live on in men’s phones and are widely circulated. There are almost always photos of the groom (dressed as he was for the e-invite) with brothers, friends, his father, etc. These photos are often put on What’sApp status (meaning, they are extant for 24 hours) and thus are one of the few ways a man’s face goes into the public sphere.

My favorite part of these parties is that men take photos of themselves which are, to my eyes, amusing because everyone looks angry. The need to appear in-control in public and for the groom to be serious means that the men are often frowning and the groom is often holding some kind of weapon as a symbol of his ability to protect his bride.

It’s a fascinating study in perception as sometimes friends ask to see photos of the research guys and the only photos I have are ones from weddings, so I hand over a photo of four men who look coldly furious and have to explain how patient they are with me and how much I trust them. The effect is even more pronounced when they all wear black reflective sunglasses.

I write about this issue of photos in Researching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula  https://link.springer.com/book/10.1007/978-981-96-5326-3 ] because how you present yourself is important.

For researchers, sometimes when you first arrive and start to meet people, one or several locals might quickly become friends which might be a blessing or might lead to complications. Researchers who are “adopted” by a local and hasten to adopt local clothes, languages, traditions, etc. can become a type of pet, rather than viewed as an equal. I call this problem “dancing monkey” because the researcher might be asked to perform some aspect of local culture (speech, dress, cooking, etc.) for a video which is put on social media. This might look like teasing/acceptance but it can also be very disrespectful and the researcher might be seen as childish.

Being social media famous for doing a local dance can be helpful for some types of research, disastrous for others. If you are in town to research music/dancing, a video might help you find contacts. If you are female and trying to do work with local women, a viral video of you dancing in front of men may cause some women to refuse to meet with you.

In the same way, putting a smiling photo of yourself into circulation may make you appear unserious. You want to aim for better than driver’s license photo, not as good as glamour shot.

Bibliography for ‘Researching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula’ (2025, Palgrave Macmillan)

Ethnography – Staying Calm

Leaving Oman: Grief, Grandeur, Museums and Bringley’s ‘All the Beauty in The World’

Ethnography – Navigating Shaking Hands on the Arabian Peninsula

Ethnography – Finding the Middle Ground, part 1 of Discussing Photographs

While working on an essay about marriages in Dhofar, I was writing about the issue of photographs, which made me realize that I have only one photograph of me with one of the research guys. It was taken by another one of the research guys and I think it’s an understated masterpiece that captures all the important parts of working with them.

We are in the nejd, the open, rocky area between the mountains, which are visible in the background, and the real desert. We are taking a rest from a long drive and have parked the cars at the right angle to create a small patch of shade. The mat was put down to take advantage of the shade and in accidental symmetry we each placed our shoes to the side because you try to never walk on a mat in shoes.

To stay in as much shade as possible, we are both sitting close to the truck and in another accidental symmetry, we are both cross-legged. In keeping with conventions, we sit with our bodies facing forward and turn our heads to see each other. These is a lot of empty space between us and our fore-arms and hands are kept within the space of our bodies. He is holding his pipe and has a cup of tea in front of him.

We are following the same conventions within our respective cultures: both of us have our hair covered, him with a kumma, me with a floppy hat. We both have our bodies covered in loose fabric from below the elbow to shoulders and down to below the knee. He is wearing a dark green dishdash and I have a long, pink tunic and loose, purple clam diggers.

I like the photo because it makes me remember thousands of happy hours in pretty much the same circumstances and because it makes me feel that I was finding a way to do research that was both on their terms and my terms.

We are sitting “on their terms”: on the ground, on a plastic mat, in the shade, with open space around us but our backs to something solid, with bare feet, bodies straight with shoulders at an angle, keeping our bodies self-contained (the over-arching idea is to not to move your arms or hands in a way that anyone standing behind you can see) and only the most necessary objects nearby (no chairs, tables, etc.) But I am wearing tropical pink – a shade I rarely saw any Dhofaris females wear.

We look different but equal. Whereas at the start of one of my essays, “Predator Anthropologists, Anthropologists Predators: Anthropological Metaphors in Popular Movies,” I wrote:

The cover of one of my anthropology textbooks has a white man in a white shirt, pressed pants, shoes and the accoutrements of academia (glasses, pen, notebook) talking to a woman with facial tattoos and cloth wrapped around her body. She’s “local,” with local knowledge and he’s the embodiment of knowledge derived from a Western-style education. He’s going to take her information, compare it to other knowledge from other cultures, add in some theory and publish.

I like this photo because it looks like a conversation, not an extraction.

“Predator Anthropologists, Anthropologists Predators: Anthropological Metaphors in Popular Movies” – https://openanthroresearch.org/index.php/oarr/preprint/view/121/187

Ethnography – Whatever You Do, Don’t Smile, part 2 of Discussing Photographs

 

Practicalities of Moving to the Arabian Peninsula: How to Sit, Not Wear Shoes and Use Your Hands

Practicalities of Moving to the Arabian Peninsula: Getting and Sending Mail/ Packages

How NOT to Describe People Who Are Foreign to You: Exoticizing Omanis

 

Practicalities of Moving to the Arabian Peninsula: How to Sit, Not Wear Shoes and Use Your Hands

In my book, [Researching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula [ https://link.springer.com/book/10.1007/978-981-96-5326-3 ] I talk about the adjustments needed to smoothly adapt to new countries and cultures, but I realized I forgot to talk about the bottom of your feet! and shoes! and right hands! so I will address those issues here.

Firstly, a piece of advice that is constantly repeated for newcomers to the Arab world is: don’t point the sole of your foot at someone. This is repeated like a mantra, but I didn’t talk about it in my book because, to me, to focus simply on one aspect of sitting is not helpful.

The issue is not just ‘the sole of your foot/ shoe’ – it’s that lounging/ sitting casually in business settings is not good behavior. And the reason that it is not good behavior is that you need to show your ability to control yourself (body movement and emotions) at all times.

So it’s not useful to list all the things you should not do: don’t slouch, don’t sprawl, don’t scratch yourself, etc. And it’s not useful to think in terms of which actions are ok in which locations – that is too much data to try to keep straight.

The correct way to maneuver is much harder than lists of dos and don’ts; the correct way to fit in is to constantly check what other people are doing. Most of the locals on the Arabian Peninsula are in tribes – being “tribal” means continually deciding when to be part of the group and when to do as you please. As a newcomer, you need to work to be part of the group.

So don’t walk around saying to yourself “don’t cross my legs!” – ask yourself “what are other people doing?” If everyone is sitting still with both feet on the ground, then that is what you do. If they are drinking tea, you drink tea. And if for some reason, you need to do something that no one else is doing, don’t bring the attention of the whole group to you. If you are diabetic and someone places cup of tea in front of you, either decide not to drink any or whisper to the person, “no sugar.” Don’t explain or create a group discussion centered on what you want.

Another piece of advice that comes up is: take off your shoes if you are in someone’s house. That’s true but, of course, the issue is more complex. The good news is that you probably won’t be invited to a local’s house. The bad news is that if you are invited, you need to be barefoot – no shoes, no socks – and for people from cultures where shoes are always worn indoors, this can be uncomfortable.

Going into someone’s house is not like going through the security check at the airport, where people line up patiently behind you as you sort out what you are doing. If you aren’t fast, your host might think that you are deliberately stalling and they will start insisting you come in with your shoes on. So you are leaning on the doorjamb, trying to unlace/ unbuckle your shoes and pull your socks off while your host is telling you that it’s not necessary and you should feel free to stomp over the antique carpets in dirty shoes. Don’t get caught it that type of situation; make sure you have slip-ons (like driving shoes). For women, talk to your hostess ahead of time if you can; taking off your shoes and putting on black, nylon footies with a lace pattern and no-skid soles might work for formal parties.

Lastly, newcomers are told to eat with their right hand. True, but there are two other aspects to consider. First is that some locals on the Arabian Peninsula are left-handed. It is not like someone will gasp with horror if you pick up your fork with your left hand. Don’t make a disaster trying to use only your right hand at a formal dinner if you have never eaten like that before. However, if there is a shared platter of food, you will not want to use your left hand so try to figure out a work-around (quietly ask for a plate, use a utensil to bring food from the platter to your plate).

Second, left hands are viewed as unclean (used for dealing with bodily functions) so everyone has to adjust; you should only use your right hand to give someone something, including pieces of paper, plates of food, cups of tea, pens, keys, etc. This can get confusing as sometimes people greet each other by shaking right hands and gripping with the upper part of the other person’s right arm with their left hand – but the left hand is touching fabric, not the person.

Not using your left hand is difficult because there are so many actions you do all the time (like giving change or passing something to the person next to you) and there is usually no outside reinforcement to remind you (i.e., people will usually not say “use your right hand!”). You might hear “just set it down” but not understand that the reasoning is that you are offering something with your left hand.

As I said, no one will faint in shock if you make a mistake but fitting in means mental effort; there are no easy answers.

Bibliography for ‘Researching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula’ (2025, Palgrave Macmillan)

Practicalities of Moving to the Arabian Peninsula: Dealing with Loss

Ethnography – Staying Calm

Practicalities of Moving to the Arabian Peninsula: Navigating Public Spaces

Bibliography for ‘Researching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula’ (2025, Palgrave Macmillan)

working bibliography for Researching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula: Creating Effective Interactions – M. Risse – https://link.springer.com/book/10.1007/978-981-96-5326-3

[photo: Dhofar, Jebel Qara in khareef, by M.A. Al Awaid]

authors in bold have additional publications which are not included in this list

Abdul-Jabbar, Wisam. 2024. “Towards a ‘Study at Home’ Education in the Arab Gulf Region: Reterritorializing the ‘Study Abroad’ Mode.” Journal of Gulf Studies 1.1: 21-39.

Abu-Lughod, Lila. 2016/1986. Veiled Sentiments: Honor and Poetry in a Bedouin Society. Berkeley: University of California Press.

—. 2016. “The Cross-publics of Ethnography: The Case of ‘the Muslimwoman’.” American Ethnologist 43.4: 595-608.

—. 2013. Do Muslim Women Need Saving? Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.

—. 2011. “Seductions of the Honor Crime.” Differences: A Journal of Feminist Cultural Studies 22.1: 17-63.

—. 2008. Writing Women’s Worlds: Bedouin Stories. Berkeley: University of CA Press.

—. 1991. “Writing Against Culture,” in Recapturing Anthropology. Richard Fox, ed. Santa Fe: School of American Research Press. 137-62.

—. 1990. “Anthropology’s Orient: The Boundaries of Theory in the Arab World,” in Theory, Politics and the Arab World: Critical Responses. Hisham Sharabi, ed. New York: Routledge. 81-131.

 —. 1989. “Zones of Theory in the Anthropology of the Arab World.” Annual Review of Anthropology 18: 267-306.

—. 1985. “A Community of Secrets: The Separate World of Bedouin Women.” Signs: A Journal of Women in Culture and Society 10: 637-57.

—. 1985. “Honor and Sentiments of Loss in a Bedouin Society.” American Ethnologist 12: 245-61.

Adra, Najwa. 2011. “Tribal Mediations in Yemen and its Implications to Development.” AAS Working Papers in Social Anthropology 19. Vienna: Institut für Sozialanthropologie. 1-17.

Adra, Najwa, Marieke Brandt, Steven Caton, Paul Dresch and Andre Gingrich, eds. 2021. Tribes in Modern Yemen: An Anthology (Denkschriften Der Philosophisch-historischen Klasse 531). Vienna: Institut für Sozialanthropologie der Österreichischen Akademie der Wissenschaften.

Ahmed, Qanta. 2008.  In the Land of Invisible Women: A Female Doctor’s Journey in the Saudi Kingdom. Naperville, IL: Sourcebooks.

Al-Amadi, Dana, Mark David Major, Heba Tannous and Amina AlKandari. 2023. “Diving for the Spatio-functional Qualities of Exclusivity at The Pearl-Qatar.” Habitat International 138. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0197397523001169?via%3Dihub

Al Farsi, Sulaiman. 2013. Democracy and Youth in the Middle East: Islam, Tribalism and the Rentier State in Oman. New York: I.B. Tauris.

Al-Ghanim, Kaltham, Andrew Gardner and Noora Lari. 2023. “Contemporary Women in Qatar: An Ethnographic Study of Their Challenges in Terms of Traditional Applications and Modern Requirements.” Sage Open. 1-17. DOI: 10.1177/21582440231196030

Al-Hajri, Hilal. 2006. “British travelers in Oman from 1627-1970.” Modern Oman: Studies in Politics, Economy, Environment and Culture of the Sultanate. Andrzej Kapiszewski, Abdulrahman al Salimi and Andrej Pikulski, eds. Krakow: Ksiegarnia Akademicka. 63-88.

Al-Hikmani, Hadi and Andrew Spalton. 2021. Dhofar: Monsoon Mountains to Sand Seas – Sultanate of Oman. Chicago: Gilgamesh Publishing.

Al Hussein, Mira. 2022, Nov. 10. “UAE: National Identity and the Social Contract.” Carnegie Endowment for International Peace. https://carnegieendowment.org/sada/88371

—. 2021, Dec. 30. “The Economic Contracts of New Gulf Citizenships.” Orient XXI. https://orientxxi.info/magazine/the-economic-contracts-of-new-gulf-citizenships,5265.

—. 2021, Oct. “Citizenship in the Gulf.” Konrad-Adenauer-Stiftung Policy Report 40. https://www.kas.de/en/web/rpg/detail/-/content/citizenship-in-the-gulf

—.2021, Sept. 15. “The UAE’s ‘Foreign Talent’ Dilemma.” London School of Economics Blog. blogs.lse.ac.uk/mec/2021/09/15/the-uaes-foreign-talent-dilemma

Al Ismaili, Ahmed. 2018. “Ethnic, Linguistic, and Religious Pluralism in Oman: The Link with Political Stability.” Al Muntaqa 1.3: 58-73.

Al Maazmi, Ahmed. 2021. “The Apocalyptic Hijab: Emirati Mediations of Pious Fashion and Conflict Talk.” Journal of Women of the Middle East and the Islamic World 19: 5–27.

Al Mutawa, Rana. 2024. Everyday Life in the Spectacular City: Making Home in Dubai. Berkely: University of California Press.

—. 2022. “‘We’re Not Like the Newbies’: Belonging Among Dubai’s Long-term Residents.” Journal of Ethnic and Migration Studies. https://doi.org/10.1080/1369183X.2022.2142105

—. 2022. “Navigating the Cosmopolitan City: Emirati Women and Ambivalent Forms of Belonging in Dubai,” in Migration in the Making of the Gulf Space Social, Political, and Cultural Dimensions. Antia Mato Bouzas and Lorenzo Casini, eds. New York: Berghahn Books. 67-85.

—. 2020, Dec. 9. “Dishdasha Blues: Navigating Multiple Lived Experiences in the Gulf.” London School of Economics Middle East Blog Posts https://blogs.lse.ac.uk/mec/2020/12/09/dishdasha-blues-navigating-multiple-lived-experiences-in-the-gulf/

—. 2019, Nov 8. “Dubai Mall or Souq Naif? The Quest for ‘Authenticity’ and Social Distinction.” London School of Economics Middle East Blog Posts. https://blogs.lse.ac.uk/mec/2019/11/08/dubai-mall-or-souq-naif-the-quest-for-authenticity-and-social-distinction/

—. 2019, April 30. “You Can’t Sit with Us: Prejudice and ‘Othering’ between Khaleejis.” Sekka. https://sekkamag.com/2019/04/30/you-cant-sit-with-us-the-othering-within-arab-gulf-societies/

—. 2019. “The Mall Isn’t Authentic!: Dubai’s Creative Class And The Construction of Social Distinction.” Urban Anthropology and Studies of Cultural Systems and World Economic Development 48: 1-2: 183-223.

—. 2018, Dec.4. “Challenging Concepts of ‘Authenticity’: Dubai and Urban Spaces in the Gulf.” London School of Economics Middle East Blog Posts. https://blogs.lse.ac.uk/mec/2018/12/04/challenging-concepts-of-authenticity-dubai-and-urban-spaces-in-the-gulf/

—. 2017. “Women and Restrictive Campus Environments: A Comparative Analysis Between Public Universities and International Branch Campuses in the UAE.” Higher Education in the Gulf States: Present and Future. 17-9.

Al-Nowaihi, Magda. 2001. “Resisting Silence in Arab Women’s Autobiographies.” International Journal of Middle East Studies. 33.4: 477-502.

Al-Qasimi, Noor. 2012. “The ‘Boyah’ and the ‘Baby Lady’: Queer Mediations,” in Wawa Series. Journal of Middle East Women’s Studies 8.3. Fatima Al Qadiri and Khalid Al Gharaballi, eds. 139-42.

—. 2010. “Immodest Modesty: Accommodating Dissent and the ’Abayah-as-Fashion in the Arab Gulf States.” Journal of Middle East Women’s Studies 6.1: 46-74.

Al-Rasheed, Madawi. 2013. A Most Masculine State: Gender, Politics, and Religion in Saudi Arabia. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

—. 2013, Apr. 22. “Theorizing the Arabian Peninsula Roundtable: Knowledge in the Time of Oil.” Jadaliyya. https://www.jadaliyya.com/Details/28472/Theorizing-the-Arabian-Peninsula-Roundtable-Knowledge-In-the-Time-of-Oil

Al Salimi, Abdulrahman. 2018. Oman, Ibadism and Modernity (Studies on Ibadism and Oman). Hildesheim, Germany: Georg Olms Verlag.

Alsharekh, Alanoud, ed. 2007. The Gulf Family: Kinship Policies and Modernity. London: Saqi Books.

Altorki, Soraya, ed. 2015. A Companion to the Anthropology of the Middle East. Oxford: Wiley Blackwell.

—. 1988. “At Home in the Field,” in Arab Women in the Field: Studying Your Own Society.  Soraya Altorki and Camillia El-Solh, eds. Syracuse: Syracuse University Press. 49-68.

—. 1986. Women in Saudi Arabia: Ideology and Behavior among the Elite. New York: Columbia University Press.

—. 1982. “The Anthropologist in the Field: A Case of “Indigenous Anthropology” from Saudi Arabia,” in Indigenous Anthropology in Non-Western Countries. H. Fahim, ed. Durham, NC: Carolina Academic Press. 167-75.

—. 1980. “Milk-kinship in Arab Society.” Ethnology 19: 233-44.

Altorki, Soraya and Camillia El-Solh, eds. 1988. Arab Women in the Field: Studying Your Own Society. Syracuse: Syracuse University Press.

Ali-Karamali, Sumbul. The Muslim Next Door: The Qur’an, the Media, and That Veil Thing. Ashland, OR: White Cloud Press, 2008.

Ammann, Ludwig. 2002. “Islam in Public Space.” Public Culture 14.1: 277-79.

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Marielle Risse

Books

Houseways in Southern Oman. Routledge, 2023

This book explains how modern, middle-class houses are sited, designed, built, decorated and lived in with an emphasis on how room-usage is determined by age, gender, time of day and the presence of guests. Combing ethnography and architectural studies, the author draws on over sixteen years of living in the Dhofar region to analyze the cultural perceptions regarding houses and how residential areas fit within the urban areas in southern Oman. Dhofari houses are also compared to houses in other Arabian Peninsula countries and positioned within the theoretical frameworks of the “Islamic city” and the “Islamic house.”

 

Foodways in Southern Oman. Routledge, 2021

This book examines the objects, practices and beliefs relating to producing, obtaining, cooking, eating and disposing of food in the Dhofar region of southern Oman. The chapters consider food preparation, who makes what kind of food, and how and when meals are eaten. Foodways connects what is consumed to themes such as land usage, gender, age, purity, privacy and generosity. It also discusses how foodways are related to issues of morality, safety, religion, and tourism. The volume is a result of fourteen years of collecting data and insights in Dhofar, covering topics such as catching fish, herding camels, growing fruits, designing kitchens, cooking meals and setting leftovers out for animals.

 

Community and Autonomy in Southern Oman. Palgrave Macmillan, 2019

This book explores how, in cultures which prize conformity, there is latitude for people who choose not to conform either for a short time and how the chances to assert independence change over time. The main focus is on how the traits of self-control and self-respect are manifested in the everyday actions of several groups of tribes whose first language is Gibali (Jebbali/ Jebali, also referred to as Shari/ Shahri), a non-written, Modern South Arabian language. Although no work can express the totality of a culture, this text describes how Gibalis are constantly shifting between preserving autonomy and signaling membership in family, tribal and national communities.

Publications – scholarly articles and chapters – anthropology/ culture/ travel writing

“Lifeways of Traditional Fishermen in Dhofar, Oman,” in Fish as Food: Lifestyle and a Sustainable Future. Helen Macbeth, ed. International Commission on the Anthropology of Food and Nutrition – Alimenta Populorum series. 2024: 155-170. https://archive.org/details/macbeth-young-and-roberts-ed-fish-as-food-anthropological-and-cross-disciplinary

“An Ethnographic Discussion of Fairy Tales from Southern Oman,” Fabula: Zeitschrift für Erzählforschung / Journal of Folktale Studies / Revue d’Etudes sur le Conte Populaire 60.3-4 (De Gruyter, Berlin) 2019: 318–335.

 “Understanding Communication in Southern Oman,” North Dakota Quarterly 84.1 (Special Issue on Transnationalism) 2017: 174-184.

“Generosity, Gift-giving and Gift-avoiding in Southern Oman,” Proceedings of the Seminar for Arabian Studies 45 (Oxford: Archeopress) 2015: 289-296. 

“Understanding the Impact of Culture on the TESOL Classroom: An Outsider’s Perspective,” TESOL Arabia’s Perspective 18.2, 2011: 15-19.

“Cultural Refraction: Using Travel Writing, Anthropology and Fiction to Understand the Culture of Southern Arabia,” Interdisciplinary Humanities 26:1, 2009: 63-78.

Publications – scholarly articles and chapters – literature/ pedagogy

“Using Cultural Understandings to Improve Teaching in Oman,” in Unpackaging Theory and Practice in Educational Sciences. Abdülkadir Kabadayı, ed. Lyon: Livre de Lyon. 2023: 129-141.  https://www.livredelyon.com/educational-sciences/unpackaging-theory-practice-in-educational-sciences_595.

“Teaching Paired Middle Eastern and Western Literary Texts,” in Advancing English Language Education. Wafa Zoghbor and Thomaï Alexiou, eds. Dubai: Zayed University Press, 2020: 221-223.

“Teaching Literature on the Arabian Peninsula,” Anthropology News website, October 7 2019. http://www.anthropology-news.org/index.php/2019/10/07/teaching-literature-on-the-arabian-peninsula/

“Selecting the Right Literary Texts for Middle Eastern Students: Challenges and Reactions,” in Focusing on EFL Reading: Theory and Practice. Rahma Al-Mahrooqi, ed. Muscat: Sultan Qaboos University Press, 2014: 165-188.

 “Frosty Cliffs, Frosty Aunt and Sandy Beaches: Teaching Aurora Leigh in Oman,” Ariel: A Review of International English Literature 43.4, 2013: 123-145.

“Who Are You Calling ‘Coddled’?: ‘Cloistered Virtue’ and Choosing Literary Texts in a Middle Eastern University,” Pedagogy 13.3, 2013: 415-427.

“Do You know a Creon?: Making Literature Relevant in an Omani University,” in Literature Teaching in EFL/ESL: New Perspectives. Rahma Al-Mahrooqi, ed. Muscat: Sultan Qaboos University Press, 2012: 302-314.

“Reader’s Guide” for the English version of Khadija bint Alawi al-Thahab’s My Grandmother’s Stories: Folk Tales from Dhofar (Translated by W. Scott Chahanovich, U.S. Fulbright Scholar at Dhofar University, 2009-2010). Washington, D.C: Sultan Qaboos Cultural Center, 2012: 17-23.

Conference Presentations – anthropology/ culture/ travel writing

“Conducting Research on the Arabian Peninsula: Creating Effective Interactions,” Middle East Studies Association Annual Conference. Nov. 14, 2024.

“Windguru and Other Gurus: Fishing off the Coast of Dhofar, Oman,” Navigating the Transcultural Indian Ocean: Texts and Practices in Contact Conference, sponsored by the Rutter Project. June 5, 2024

“Crafting a Home: Interior Home Design in Southern Oman.” Home/Making Symposium, Concordia University. Montreal. May 12, 2023. https://www.concordia.ca/finearts/events/home-making.html

“Good Governance and Open Spaces: How the State and Residents Negotiate the Use of Government Land in Dhofar, Oman.” AnthroState Talks for the European Association of Social Anthropologists Network on Anthropologies of the State. May 4, 2023. https://easaonline.org/networks/anthrostate/talks

“Explorations in the North-west Indian Ocean: The Research Journeys of the ‘Palinurus’ along the Omani Coast in the mid-1800s.” Research Expeditions to India and the Indian Ocean in Early Modern and Modern Times, sponsored by the German Maritime Museum / Leibniz Institute for Maritime History. Nov. 3, 2022.

“Private Lives in Public Spaces: Perceptions of Space-Usage in Southern Oman.” Middle East Studies Association annual conference. Montreal, Quebec. December 2, 2021.

“The Costs and Benefits of Fishing in Southern Oman.” Fish as Food: Lifestyle and a Sustainable Future, annual conference of the International Commission on the Anthropology of Food and Nutrition, hosted at the University of Liverpool. Sept. 1, 2021.

“Ethical Eating in Southern Oman.” Just Food, virtual conference of the Association for the Study of Food and Society; Agriculture, Food and Human Values Society; Canadian Association for Food Studies and the Society for the Anthropology of Food and Nutrition, hosted by the Culinary Institute of America and New York University. June 12, 2021.

“Foodways in Southern Oman,” for the session “Uncovering Truths, Building Responsibility in A Pandemic: Insights from Emerging Monographs at the Nexus of Culture, Food, and Agriculture.” American Anthropological Association. Nov. 9, 2020.

with Keye Tersmette. “Ghurba at Home – Views from Oman.” The Arab World as Ghurba: Citizenship, Identity and Belonging in Literature and Popular Culture, University of Warwick. June 21, 2019.

“Accounts from the Journeys of the Brig ‘Palinurus’ Along the Dhofar Coast in the mid-1800s.” Maritime Exploration and Memory Conference, National Maritime Museum, Greenwich, England. Sept. 15, 2018.

“Recent Views on Oman.” British Society for Middle East Studies, University of Edinburgh. July 6, 2017.

“Female, Femininity, Male and Masculinity in the Gibali-speaking Tribes of Southern Oman.” The Gulf Research Conference, Cambridge University. August 2, 2017.

“‘Words Mean Nothing’: Fluency in Language and Fluency in Culture in Anthropology Fieldwork in Southern Oman.” British Society for Middle Eastern Studies, University of Wales. July 15, 2016.

“’Why Would I Hurt a Woman?’: Respectful/ Respecting Women in Southern Oman.” Middle East Studies Association Conference, Denver. Nov. 21, 2015.

“Generosity, Gift-giving and Gift-avoiding in Southern Oman.” British Foundation for the Study of Arabia’s Seminar for Arabian Studies, The British Museum, London. July 27, 2014.

“‘I Do Not Need the Night’: The Gibali Conception of Self-Respect in Southern Oman.” Middle East Studies Association Conference, New Orleans. October 12, 2013.

“They Came, They Saw, They Fought, They Compromised, They Left: The Foreign Military Presence in the Dhofar War (Oman, 1965-1975).” Royal Geographical Society Annual Conference; Edinburgh. July 3, 2012.

 “Waiting for [both] the Barbarians”: Tourism in the Dhofar Region of Oman.” Traditions and Transformations: Tourism, Heritage and Cultural Change in the Middle East and North Africa Region; Amman, Jordan. April 6, 2009.

Conference presentations – literature/ pedagogy

“Finding the Right Texts for Teaching Literature, Cultures, and Empathy in the Middle East.” American Comparative Literature Association Conference. April 9, 2021.

“‘I Came to You for Good’: An Ethnographic Discussion of Folk Tales from Southern Oman.” Third Joint Seminar of The Folklore Society and the Royal Anthropological Institute, Royal Anthropological Institute, London. Oct. 26, 2017.

“Antigone, Alcestis, Deanira and Philoketes visit the Empty Quarter: The Reception of Greek Drama on the Arabian Peninsula.” American Comparative Literature Association Conference, University of Utrecht. July 8, 2017.

“‘A Man Was Always Catching Fish’: Fairy Tale Elements in the Ali al-Mahri/ Johnstone/ Rubin Gibali Texts from Southern Oman.” American Comparative Literature Association Conference, Harvard University, Cambridge, MA. March 18, 2016.

“Analyzing Arabic Teaching to Improve English Teaching.” TESOL Arabia Annual Conference; Dubai. March 14, 2014.

 “John Clare Looks Good in a Dishdash: Linking John Clare to Middle Eastern Poetry.” Modern Language Association Annual Conference, Chicago. January 7, 2011.

“How Can You Hate the Sun?: Translating Western Conceptions of Nature.” Humanities Education and Research Association, Chicago, Illinois. April 9, 2009. 

“Do You Have Anything on Cowboys?: Creating a University Library in the Middle East,” with Chris Sugnet. Southwest/Texas Popular Culture Association Conference, Albuquerque. Feb., 2000.

Creative Non-fiction

“Yemen with Yul,” in Emanations 11. Independently published, 2024: 417-429.

“Questions About Food and Ethics,” in Emanations: When a Planet was a Planet. Brookline, MA: International Authors, 2021: 403-408

“Ok Kilito, I Won’t Speak Your Language: Reflections after Reading Thou Shalt Not Speak My Language,” in Octo-Emanations. Carter Kaplan, ed. Brookline, MA: International Authors, 2020: 233-236.

“Predator Anthropologists, Anthropologist Predators: Anthropological Metaphors in Popular Movies,” Open Anthropology Research Repository. Aug. 25, 2020. https://www.openanthroresearch.org/doi/abs/10.1002/oarr.10000333.1

“What’s in Your Bag?” Anthropology News. American Anthropological Association. Oct. 30, 2019. http://www.anthropology-news.org/index.php/2019/07/23/whats-in-your-bag-2019-edition/

“Living Expat,” in Emanations: Chorus Pleiades. Carter Kaplan, ed. Brookline, MA: International Authors, 2018: 308-318.

“Throwing Children in the Street: Explaining Western Culture to Omanis,” in Emanations: Third Eye. Carter Kaplan, ed. Brookline, MA: International Authors, 2013: 265-274.

 “To Learn Arabic, You Have to Talk the Talk,” The Chronicle of Higher Education. May 31, 2012. http://chronicle.com/article/To-Learn-Arabic-You-Have-to/132057

“Bringing Theory Home in Oman,” The Chronicle of Higher Education. July 10, 2011: B24. http://chronicle.com/article/Bringing-Theory-Home-in-Oman/128139/

Practicalities of Moving to the Arabian Peninsula: Dealing with Loss

Ethnography – Staying Calm

Ethnography – Navigating Shaking Hands on the Arabian Peninsula

Leaving Oman: Grief, Grandeur, Museums and Bringley’s ‘All the Beauty in The World’

Practicalities of Moving to the Arabian Peninsula: Dealing with Loss

I have a section on “attending funerals of co-workers” in Research and Working on the Arabian Peninsula (publication date: June 18, 2025). That is not a topic that shows up in a lot of “how to fit in at work in a new country” books, but it is necessary to know on the Arabian Peninsula as colleagues and neighbors are expected to visit a bereaved family.

To help people struggling with how to behave in such circumstances, AP cultures have solved the “what should I do or say when someone is in grief?” dilemma. There are clear religious and culture guidelines which are easy to know and easy to follow: show up, say good words, drink tea and leave. And it’s easy to know who you should do this for: any co-worker, friend or neighbor.

Your work place will send out condolence notices and if it is expected that co-workers pay condolence visits, all the details will be given to you. You will know when your neighbors are receiving visitors by the number of cars outside the house.

It does not matter what religion you are or how well you knew the person who died. Show up. Put on neutral/ dark clothes, walk into the house, say words of condolences, keep a calm demeanor, accept the cup of tea, take a sip, sit quietly and leave after 10-20 minutes.

The calm demeanor is key. One of the basic cultural understandings on the Arabian Peninsula is “don’t make emotional difficulties for anyone you are related to or are friend with.”  You want to keep a calm exterior and help people who you are aligned with keep their calm exterior. In times of grief, this means be stoic to make it easier for the people around you.

When you see a friend/ co-worker/ neighbor who has been hit by a tragedy, don’t bring yourself into the sadness by crying and/or talking about something negative that happened to you – don’t make a person who is grieving comfort you.

Don’t try to memorize the correct Arabic/ Islamic saying, get it wrong, apologize for your mistake, say it again wrong and generally cause a spectacle as everyone jumps in to discuss your language usage. If you aren’t fluent in Arabic, say condolences in your language. It’s fine if use Latin or Klingon. The point is to stand in front of the chief mourner with an attitude of humble respect and quietly say something that sounds reverential, then go drink tea.

There is no perfect thing to say – there is no sentence in any language that can make the death of a beloved person easier to bear. So concentrate on not bothering the living. Don’t ask for anything particular to eat or drink; don’t comment on the food. If you are diabetic, be aware there will probably be a lot of sugar in the tea: raise the cup to your mouth, tilt it slightly without tasting anything and set it back down. Sitting in a respectful stillness for the next few minutes is all that is required of you.

In Islam, the mourning period is 3 days (see below) so if you see a co-worker back at work 4 days after a loss, give condolences if you didn’t go to their house and, even with the kindest intentions, do not suggest that they leave work or ask “it’s only been 4 days, why are you back ?”

A story – I went to give my condolences thinking that the right thing to wear was an abayah (long, black, shapeless cloak) and a sheila (black headscarf). I was the only woman in the room wearing black; everyone else was in dark/ muted thobes (housedresses) with lossis (cotton headscarves). I felt silly, but I did not say a word. If I apologized, then one of the people in mourning would have to try to make me feel better and my mistake was easily understood by anyone who saw me: the foreigner didn’t know what to wear.

As a hypothetical, if for some reason, I went to give condolences in a bright red dress, I would not speak about it to any of the family members, but I would explain myself to someone who was not directly affected, for example a neighbor. As many people come to give condolences (to make sure the immediate family is never alone and no bereaved person has to do basic things like grocery shopping), there are always extra people in the room. Explain to them, not the mourners.

The reasoning is: if you force mourners to forgive you for your mistake, you are forcing them to act as if they noticed your mistake. In a way, you are accusing them of paying attention to insignificant issues.

* In Islam, the mourning period is 3 days. For rulers, the period might be extended with various levels, for example for X days the government office and schools are closed; for Y days there will be only national music on radio stations; for Z days the flags will be at half-mast. Festivals and non-serious events (such as plays) might be canceled. On the Arabian Peninsula, a country’s ruler might declare 1, 2 or 3 days of mourning when another country’s ruler has died; this happened, for example, when Sheikh Zayed passed away. For a widow, the mourning period is four months and ten days during which time she should stay in her house and refrain from wearing bright colors, jewelry, perfume and make-up.

Practicalities of Moving to the Arabian Peninsula: Getting and Sending Mail/ Packages

Ethnography – Staying Calm

Researching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula: Creating Effective Interactions

Leaving Oman: Grief, Grandeur, Museums and Bringley’s ‘All the Beauty in The World’

Practicalities of Moving to the Arabian Peninsula: Getting and Sending Mail/ Packages

I recently realized that I did not write about mailing issues in Researching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula: Creating Effective Interactions [ https://link.springer.com/book/10.1007/978-981-96-5326-3 ]. This topic came up because the book’s publisher asked me where I wanted my complimentary copies sent. I gave the PO Box of my former university in Oman so that a friend who still works there could give out the books to the Omani people who helped me do research. But the publisher does not ship books to PO Boxes and Oman does not deliver mail to street addresses, all mail goes to PO Boxes.

Welcome to the world of trying to get what you want where you want it!

For some people who move to the Arabian Peninsula, mail is never an issue. But if you will need to send/ receive papers or objects, it is worth thinking through what is the best way to manage that. Because, like everything else when you are in a new country, a simple act like mailing a letter can go sideways.

Three overarching issues:

1) Mail is not used for communication very often, to the point where some people do not have or need a mailing address.

2) The kind of mail delivery depends on the country. There is no home mail delivery in Oman; in Saudi Arabia there is home delivery; in the Emirates and Qatar, mail is delivered to a PO Box, usually at work, and you can pay for home delivery if you want to.

3) Some countries have post office clerks who do all tasks; you stand in line and whoever is there can help you. Arabian Peninsula post offices are set up with clerks who do specific functions, so you need to look/ ask to make sure you are in the right line; for example, there might be one counter for domestic stamps/ letters, one for domestic parcels, one for international parcels, one to pick up a parcel etc.

The first concern is when you are sending boxes to yourself so that they are there when you arrive. If you are moving for work, get specific instructions from someone on your team. It is probably better if you address the boxes to someone who is already working there, not to yourself. If you use your name, someone at the post office or your company might not recognize it and return your box.

Also, talk to someone if you are sending something that is not standard household goods. This is the sort of detail that you will want to check and double-check as you do not want your boxes to sit in limbo at customs or in the depths of the package room at the main post office.

If you are going for research, you might be able to send a box to your hotel (but check with them first) and/ or the archive you will be using.

Once you are in-country, you have a couple of choices:

1) use your work address to receive mail, which is what most people do – the drawback is you are dependent on someone else (the people who go to post office, sort the mail and deliver to your office) but most companies have employees who pick up the post every day or every-other day and get your letters to your desk within a few hours

2) get a PO Box for yourself, which means greater control of when you get your mail but also that you have to drive to pick it up

3) use a transshipping company, which means everyone you know/ every store you buy from sends letters and goods to a street address in your home country, then the transshipping company opens the boxes, combines all your mail into one box which is sent with FedEx/ DHL/ Aramex etc. I used Stackry and never had a problem but there are many companies to choose from – this is most expensive but also fastest, most reliable and your boxes are delivered where you want, either home or office.

Remember that moving items within the country or within the Arabian Peninsula can sometimes be done more easily by bus. There are a lot of bus companies which will take even the most haphazardly wrapped items as cargo. I used to buy rugs, pillows, tablecloths, etc. in Muscat and put them on the bus to Salalah; they arrived overnight and it cost a few dollars. A friend once sent me a paper shopping bag, stapled shut, full of lotion and perfume in glass bottles and everything arrived in good shape. This also works between countries!

Also remember to ask people who are in-country what the delivery times are. Shipping companies and national postal organizations can chirp about “3-day delivery” but the people on the receiving end will know the actual transit time.  

As with many other errands, you can decide if you want to pay for help. In the States, I would never think of paying someone to mail my letters. In Oman, I would sometimes drive across town only to find that they were out of stamps or the stamp-clerk was on break, so it was worth it to me to out-source some post office visits.* There are often people at work who can help you pick up and/ or drop off packages (sometimes called “runners”) but it is only fair to use them if you pay them well. Ask the going rate, then add a generous tip.

Lastly, the chances are good that you will end up with a horror story about shipping. When the mail goes wrong, it goes terribly wrong. There is no perfect company and no way to know when it will fall apart. One package from DHL took 21 days to arrive and I got into an epic 3 week fight with FedEx to get a box out of customs purgatory. There is so much written about “global village” and “instant access” that it can come as a surprise when you can’t get some little thingie from here to there: it’s a postal strike or a federal holiday or bad weather or the mailing label got torn.

If it is something important/ irreplaceable – carry it with you or pay extra for special services.

* Unless you have hired a butler, it is in no one’s job description to run your personal errands. I don’t think there is anything wrong in hiring people to make your life easier if you treat them with respect and give them honest wages. It is unconscionable to be rude or underpay.

Researching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula: Creating Effective Interactions

Reflections on Ethnographic Research: Deciding to Hire Expat Workers (part 1 of 4)

How NOT to Describe People Who Are Foreign to You: Exoticizing Omanis

Leaving Oman: Grief, Grandeur, Museums and Bringley’s ‘All the Beauty in The World’

Ethnography – Staying Calm

I often talk about how it is important in Dhofar to project calm at all times.* The need to always be peaceful can create puzzling situations. Recently an Omani friend asked me to provide some specific information that I don’t have access to. When I told the person that, they responded by telling me that they already had the information.

To an outsider, that might seem like a confusing statement, why did the Omani ask me for information they already had? From a Dhofari perspective, the person wanted my input, but when I said I could not help, they needed to reassert their autonomy and to make the “weather calm” between us. They did not want to appear to be in need to help, nor did they want me to be worried. Whether they have the information or not (and when they received it), is not the point. Keeping our friendship on an even keel is the point.

I try to go along with this POV as much as I could but it is often difficult. An Omani who did what they could to destroy my career, insisted on coming up to me to say “hello” and ask how I was whenever they saw me. The juxtaposition between their private cruelty and public smiles was so odd, I often just stared at them instead of replying. Other Omanis told me that I needed to “hold myself” and answer pleasantly. My pleas of “they are making my life miserable” were ignored. I was told if someone is actively attempting to hurt me, the only acceptable response is politeness.

Another example is when an Omani man insulted an Omani woman in front of over 20 people. I called him on it, he brushed it off and she insisted that she wasn’t bothered at all (as a way to assert her self-control).

A few days later he asked me if I had forgiven him; since he had shown no contrition I said, “No,” and he got mad at me. From his point of view, he had done a pro forma apology, therefore I needed to forgive him. I thought his action was deliberately malicious and felt no compunction to make peace.

My funniest example is once when I failed to stay calm, an Omani man who I did not know decided to teach me patience.

The Omani man was in an academic office, looking at a form he had filled out. I came in and sat down, waiting to talk to the clerk. The man asked the clerk some questions, then reread the form. He smiled at me and, when I did not smile back (as I was annoyed that he was fussing over an unimportant form), he reread the form again. Then he asked the clerk the same questions.

When he smiled at me a second time as I sat stony-faced, he got agitated and repeated the questions for a third time and reread the form yet again. The interaction was not going the way he wanted it to as I was not behaving properly (i.e. looking unbothered) and he could not end it comfortably until I smiled, expressing that I was at peace with his behavior. He had the right to pester the clerk with several iterations of the same questions and I should accept this right.

Finally, he left, but I did not start talking to the clerk as I was pretty sure what was going to happen. Within a minute, as expected, the man returned.

He had decided that he need to write his phone number at the top of the form. The clerk explained that his phone number was already on the form, but the man insisted on double-checking. So, the clerk handed the form over and the man wrote his phone number at the top, then asked the same questions he had asked before.

Then he looked at me and smiled for the third time. I know I was supposed to keep my dignity by responding in a way to show that “I am not bothered” but I simply stared at him. Finally, he stood up to leave, but before he reached the door, he turned back, pointed at me and said in Arabic, “She’s “za’lana (angry)”! I replied in Arabic that I was not za’lana, but he repeated, “za’lana! za’lana!” and laughed.

He had won the interaction. Although I didn’t say anything, I showed my lack of serence self-control by not smiling and acting as if I had all the time in the world while he reread the form.

* Omanis know that always keeping calm is impossible, so there is a corollary that if you see someone not up to the task, you need to step in, help create peace and never encourage anger or violence. Thus, there is an expectation that if two people start to yell at each other, everyone in the vicinity should work to separate and quiet them (unlike the American action of on-lookers creating a circle around the two opponents and yelling “fight, fight!”).

Culture Shock – Adjusting to American Hand Shakes

part 1 – https://mariellerisse.com/2025/03/15/ethnography-navigating-shaking-hands-on-the-arabian-peninsula/

When I lived in Oman and came to the States in the summer, I always used Arabic expressions in every-day interactions, like saying shukran, (thank you) to grocery-store clerks. When I moved back permanently, I wondered if that would continue. I used Arabic a few times, but quickly stopped; language use was the easiest part of moving back.

I slowly got used to Americans moving around in self-contained bubbles, usually looking at the cell phone, using earbuds to have a conversation or wearing large headphones. The American dislike of interacting with anyone in public is really pronounced in the winter. Boston often has icy sidewalks with one narrow part that’s clear. It makes sense to me that someone wanting to walk by me would just say, “passing on your left.” Then I would shift/ lean to the right, so they could easily get by me. Instead, people suddenly and silently show up at my left elbow. Sometimes they do this awkward maneuver of walking with their right foot on the snow bank and left foot on the clear part of the sidewalk as they stomp by.

And I am still trying to get conversations right. When I came to USA in the summers, I spent almost all of my time talking to family and friends or I was in conversations in which I knew my part, e.g., talking to clerks, buying something, navigating an airport etc.

But now I have all sorts of short conversations with colleagues and acquaintances so things often go pear-shaped. Someone complimented me a few days ago and I still can’t tell is that was really a compliment or an insult. In Dhofar, compliments are often used to point out a fault, so I am wary of positive statements. And for this statement I can’t read the intention of the person who made the comment and I can’t figure out a way to ask, “What did you mean?” Either I would look like I was fishing for more compliments or the person would have to spell out the insult.

I sometimes revert to Omani understandings at the worst possible times and strand myself in embarrassment. A male colleague introduced me to his wife and I cheerfully said, “THE WOMAN!” We chatted for a few moments and, as I walked away, I realized that saying “THE WOMAN!” was NOT the way Americans greet each other.

I stood still and debated what to do. I could walk back to them, apologize and try to do a 5-minute cultural lecture, or keep walking and hope they didn’t notice or would forget and forgive. I kept walking. Sometimes I try to explain but this seemed like one of those times in which the explanation would just make the situation worse.

In Dhofar it’s rude to put someone’s name in public, especially if it is a female family member so all the research guys referred to their wife as “the woman” or “my family.” For example, if a man said, “I will take my family to Muscat,” he meant “my wife and children.” Men know their close friends’ and relatives’ wife’s name, but there is no reason to say it. I would ask some of guys about their wife and kids if we were waiting for other guys to come but not in front of the group.

Only one of the research guys, who was adorably in love, ever said that name of his wife in front of the other men. When I finally met his wife, I said (in Arabic), “THE WOMAN!” and we smiled, laughed and went through the long process of exchanging greetings. By saying “the woman,” I was showing that I did not know her name (although I did) so that she could introduce herself to me. This is not what an Omani would do, but it was my work-around as her husband had told her about me and she had never met a Christian/ North American before (and might have been wondering why I was hanging out with her husband and his friends). I wanted to appear as non-threatening as possible and signal that he had been respectful of his wife by not saying her name.

When I met my American colleague’s wife, I somehow reverted to that situation and repeated the phrase instead of the expected, “how nice to meet you.”

Another hurdle is getting rid of things. In Oman there was always someone who wanted whatever I did not. If I bought cookies, tried one and didn’t like them, I would put them in a bag for the man who cleaned my office or the man who ran messages to different departments. I washed, folded and set out sheets, towels, clothes, shoes and purses for the woman who cleaned my house; the man who watered the plants got blankets and pillows. I recycled cans and cardboard and had a compost heap.

Living in a studio apartment, I do more recycling (yeah Cambridge!) but what to do with Christmas lights that are the wrong color, a pillow that’s too hard, a paint set I won’t use, freebies sent along with a mail-order? I finally started to leave things stealthily on a shelf in the laundry room of my building or in the kitchen at work, like a multi-purpose Easter bunny.

But the worst cultural hurdle for me is handshakes. I spent 19 years avoiding touching a man [ https://mariellerisse.com/2025/03/15/ethnography-navigating-shaking-hands-on-the-arabian-peninsula/ ] and I haven’t been able to get back into the habit.

The first time it happened, I was doing a simple task (like picking up an insurance card) and the man at the desk put his hand out. At the same moment I thought, “I do not want to shake his hand” and “I have to do this.” My primary reaction was unreasonable anger: “Why is this man forcing me to do something I did not want?” yet I also understood he was behaving normally. I was the one who was at odds with the prevailing culture. I managed to get my hand out and shake, but was relieved when I had to move to another clerk. But then when I left, I had to stop by that man’s desk again and, again, he wanted to shake. “What is your problem?” I thought to myself, forcing myself to be polite.

I had many years of verbal greetings and now 2 handshakes within 1/2 an hour! I was miserable and sprayed my hand with sanitizer after I left the building.

Before that day, the last time I had shook hands with a man was the day I left Oman. The Muslim man who drove me to the airport had been a friend for 19 years. As I turned to say goodbye, he put his hand out; we had never shaken hands so I was not expecting him to. I started crying so hard I could not speak; it was such a kind action, to do something against his culture and religion to signal my leaving. What was a simple every-day action by the American clerk at his desk, was a huge, important gesture at the Salalah airport. 

A few weeks after my first American hand-shake, I was in trouble again. A pleasant colleague held his hand out for a fist bump and I froze. Again, I was stuck thinking “I do not want to do this” and “I have to do this and I have to do this quickly or he is going to wonder what is wrong with me.” So, with kind of the same feeling as sticking my hand into a tiger’s cage, I managed the fist bump. 

After a few more fist bumps and a few more weeks of working together, I had a short conversation with him about my reluctance as, if he had noticed my hesitation/ discomfort, I wanted him to know it was not personal. My unease had nothing to do with him; it was caused by almost two decades of carefully avoiding that exact situation.

For the future, I don’t know what I will do. I might get back in the groove and glad hand people like a politician. Or I might retreat back to putting my right hand on my heart. I have told people for years that re-entry can be as difficult as moving abroad. And I was right about that.

Leaving Oman: Grief, Grandeur, Museums and Bringley’s ‘All the Beauty in The World’

Bibliography – Creating Effective Interactions: Researching, Teaching and Working on the Arabian Peninsula (forthcoming, Palgrave MacMillan)

Culture Shock: Bumpy Reentry and Moral Dilemmas

Ethnography – Staying Calm